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Thread: What are some next steps after our meeting?

  1. #1
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    What are some next steps after our meeting?

    So i have been communicating (phone/video/text) with this girl from China for 1/2 year. We were introduced through a reliable friend of mine and of her mother's(they been friends for 20+ years). She came to US for vacation with her mom and also to meet last few weeks and went back last weekend. We met a total of 3 times during the 2.5 weeks she was here - once for dinner and chat, once with her and her mom to visit some places and 3rd time the night before she left. She had other plans to go to other places and see her sister so that's why we didn't meet as much as i would've liked.

    She works as a secretary in a school and her english is limited, although she and her mom did go to NYC, PA and couple other places by themselves (no tour guide) for 1.5 weeks so she knows some basic english to get by. The mutual friend is very invested and asked me how i feel and if i want to continue or not. I did enjoy her company and am curious what i should do for next steps. I do have some concerns:

    1. I want to have a family. I did ask her question about having children and she said back in her city she doesnt seem to see the importance of having kids.
    2. What she would do coming here. I guess if she comes here and learn english and have a family that's fine. Maybe in future do some administrative work? Her sister also married from china and works as dentist assistant.

    Ideally it is best to find someone in US but currently i don't have anyone and dont want to keep waiting (38 now and females <33 all say too old. She's 31)

    Any suggestions on what to do next?

  2. #2
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Find someone who already lives here?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you and your family think it's auspicious match? What about her and her family? Is she interested? Isn't that the point of these intros in your culture? To see if you want a marriage? Do you communicate with her in Chinese? How is the communication between you two? Does she want to move here? What is her motive for meeting US men?
    Originally Posted by lioil
    We were introduced through a reliable friend of mine and of her mother's
    1. I want to have a family. I did ask her question about having children and she said back in her city she doesnt seem to see the importance of having kids.
    2. What she would do coming here. I guess if she comes here and learn english and have a family that's fine.

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    I think once a third party introduces you to someone or sets up a blind date, then they are out of the equation. They don't have the right to know if you want to continue or not. You arrange any future meetings with the woman herself.

    1. I want to have a family. I did ask her question about having children and she said back in her city she doesnt seem to see the importance of having kids.

    What if she decides that she really doesn't want kids in the US, either?
    You speak Chinese, so she won't feel alone but how would she reasonably survive aside from having a menial job at a place a Chinese family owns if she were to come to the US. I get you will support her, but she may not feel fulfilled and may thrive better with a social life of her own.

    No, she can't just come to the US to have a family. she has to be able to come here on her own merits as well.

    Is she even attracted to you?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd grow your reasons for wanting to find a partner. I understand your sentiments and desire/urgency to have a family but it's not going to help you if those are your only reasons - it makes you appear a bit suspect as marriage is about a lot more than producing offspring.

    What else do you know about this woman? She seems a bit ambivalent and not as strongly opinionated as you about wanting to have kids. It also appears she either didn't answer your question #2 in full or was evasive for her own reasons (might have thought you were a bit too forward and awkward). She may not want to work at all after moving to the US. Are you prepared to take on the responsibility of a spouse who doesn't work and potential kids/dependents? How financially sound are you? I think it's a risky proposition and you don't know enough about her that you ought to know before contemplating this any further.

    It's good that you know what you want - a family. Try rounding that out a little and growing through that idea, figure out what you want in a partner now (the qualities) and try and get a good handle on what you can and can't afford (mentally, emotionally, financially).

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Find someone who lives near you.

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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Find someone who lives near you.
    yep, we already said that on several threads and he won't listen. He says there are no Chinese women of childbearing age that he can find that are single. He may have to move to another metro area with a larger Chinese immigrant population or up his game

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    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    yep, we already said that on several threads and he won't listen. He says there are no Chinese women of childbearing age that he can find that are single. He may have to move to another metro area with a larger Chinese immigrant population or up his game
    Oh no... is this the same story AGAIN? How many threads does this make now?

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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    Oh no... is this the same story AGAIN? How many threads does this make now?
    yep. but its different because they actually met this time. I think this is woman #2 . This one isn't the opera singer or whatever.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    yep, we already said that on several threads and he won't listen. He says there are no Chinese women of childbearing age that he can find that are single. He may have to move to another metro area with a larger Chinese immigrant population or up his game
    He cant be looking too hard if this scenario seems appealing to him.

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