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Thread: I'm so confused with the ghosting

  1. #1
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    I'm so confused with the ghosting

    So basically, I met this guy online and we really hit it off. We were bantering, had many common interests, similar goals - our chemistry was almost too good to be true. We went on quite a few dates and he was really initiative with wanting to call me, text me. Everything about it made me really happy and for once, I felt quite free and content. I felt like I could be myself without being judged. We didn't have any labelling talk because it had only been around 2 months, and I was quite happy with how things were going. Within those 2 months, my physical health began to decline. I started having stomach and abdominal issues resulting in me going into the ER multiple times, arranging doctor appointments, getting referrals. But everything would always point to negative and doctors couldn't understand what was causing my pain. Whilst going through this frustration and pain, he would be there for me. He'd take me out to try and distract me from the pain and I always felt quite relaxed being with him. I guess you could say that I was extremely smitten. I had casually asked him about us in a playful way and he said things like "I think we click really well and I really like you", "I don't want you to be so stressed about all the pain so you can share it with me" - pretty cheesy things but I believed him.

    We both have a background in the same university course within the health sciences, but I had taken a semester off to spend time with family due to losing a family friend suddenly. He started placements and during the first week, the texts had slowed down which I anticipated because it's a stressful time. I accepted it and didn't think too much about it. During the 2nd week of his placement, he didn't respond to my texts at all and, again, I thought that it was because of the placements. I decided to leave it because I didn't want to pressure him to replying but I'm not going to lie, I was getting a bit worried. During the last weekend of his placement, I decided to shoot a text to ask how he was doing but he didn't respond to that either. The confusion, anxiety and frustration is kind of taking a toll on me because I can't seem to understand why he's ghosting me. We had such a good thing going that I thought we could've been in it for the long-run. I just remember all of the memories of us having fun, the chemistry and the whole thing, and I can't understand why this sudden cut.

    I just kind of want to get thoughts on this. I know that I should probably try to move on, but it's been really difficult.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He's too cowardly to tell you that he's no longer interested in you, therefore he's ghosting you.

    I don't know why he's ghosting you. It could be so many reasons such as preoccupation with placements, post-placement, interested in someone else, perhaps wants a permanent break from you or maybe he thinks you're too high maintenance for him due to your health (pain), dealing with doctors and taking a semester off to spend time with family. I'm sorry for your tragic loss.

    I'm sorry you're going through this.

    Since you know what type of character he has, perhaps it's a good thing that he gave you a sudden cut so you can give him a sudden cut, too. You deserve better and it is NOT him.

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    I was also recently ghosted but from a guys point of view. my girlfriend blocked me on whatsapp and phone call. Im still shocked and confused because the previous night she is the one who actually video called me... There are many possibilities but I think the best is to found out so that yo can get closer. Well that is what Im planning to do...

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    Thanks for the advice and compassion :) I wish he could just tell me and be clear about so that I'm not left waiting for a potential response.

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    Originally Posted by TheG
    I was also recently ghosted but from a guys point of view. my girlfriend blocked me on whatsapp and phone call. Im still shocked and confused because the previous night she is the one who actually video called me... There are many possibilities but I think the best is to found out so that yo can get closer. Well that is what Im planning to do...
    I'm sorry that you're experiencing this too. Yeah I think closure is what I really want/need. But I have a feeling if he's not answering my texts, he's not gonna pick up the call :( I hope you'll be able to find closure.

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    I'm sorry, OP. This was a gutless and disrespectful move on his part.

    As said above by Cherylyn, it's anyone's guess as to why he went this route. Job stress, new crush, and ex who popped back up, general fear of commitment. The truth is that you might never know exactly what happened. All you can do is look at his current behaviour as a reflection of his overall character; he's not the stand-up guy he made himself out to be.

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I'm sorry, OP. This was a gutless and disrespectful move on his part.

    As said above by Cherylyn, it's anyone's guess as to why he went this route. Job stress, new crush, and ex who popped back up, general fear of commitment. The truth is that you might never know exactly what happened. All you can do is look at his current behaviour as a reflection of his overall character; he's not the stand-up guy he made himself out to be.
    That’s really true. Not knowing is just so frustrating but I guess if he doesn’t have the decency to be fair about it, I should try to run the other way, even if it’s difficult

  9. #8
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    Do you happen to know much about his dating or relationship history?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by showbizzness
    That’s really true. Not knowing is just so frustrating but I guess if he doesn’t have the decency to be fair about it, I should try to run the other way, even if it’s difficult
    So true. And, yes, so hard.

    My private rule is that two of my hard relationship dealbreakers are ghosting and snooping. What those two things say about someone's character is, in my opinion, nothing I want to explore, figure out, work through, or stay involved in. In your shoes—and I've been in versions—I would try to find the closure there rather than in hoping from something from him.

    Really sorry about all this, as well as your health struggles.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    So true. And, yes, so hard.

    My private rule is that two of my hard relationship dealbreakers are ghosting and snooping. What those two things say about someone's character is, in my opinion, nothing I want to explore, figure out, work through, or stay involved in. In your shoes—and I've been in versions—I would try to find the closure there rather than in hoping from something from him.

    Really sorry about all this, as well as your health struggles.
    I agree with this... in the past I have tried to push past in situations when someone was doing a slow fade or ghosting me, thinking oh it's all good they are just busy, I am busy too... until I realized how devaluing this was for my confidence and self-esteem. Never again, I don't have time for that cowardly BS.

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