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I'm so confused with the ghosting


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So basically, I met this guy online and we really hit it off. We were bantering, had many common interests, similar goals - our chemistry was almost too good to be true. We went on quite a few dates and he was really initiative with wanting to call me, text me. Everything about it made me really happy and for once, I felt quite free and content. I felt like I could be myself without being judged. We didn't have any labelling talk because it had only been around 2 months, and I was quite happy with how things were going. Within those 2 months, my physical health began to decline. I started having stomach and abdominal issues resulting in me going into the ER multiple times, arranging doctor appointments, getting referrals. But everything would always point to negative and doctors couldn't understand what was causing my pain. Whilst going through this frustration and pain, he would be there for me. He'd take me out to try and distract me from the pain and I always felt quite relaxed being with him. I guess you could say that I was extremely smitten. I had casually asked him about us in a playful way and he said things like "I think we click really well and I really like you", "I don't want you to be so stressed about all the pain so you can share it with me" - pretty cheesy things but I believed him.

 

We both have a background in the same university course within the health sciences, but I had taken a semester off to spend time with family due to losing a family friend suddenly. He started placements and during the first week, the texts had slowed down which I anticipated because it's a stressful time. I accepted it and didn't think too much about it. During the 2nd week of his placement, he didn't respond to my texts at all and, again, I thought that it was because of the placements. I decided to leave it because I didn't want to pressure him to replying but I'm not going to lie, I was getting a bit worried. During the last weekend of his placement, I decided to shoot a text to ask how he was doing but he didn't respond to that either. The confusion, anxiety and frustration is kind of taking a toll on me because I can't seem to understand why he's ghosting me. We had such a good thing going that I thought we could've been in it for the long-run. I just remember all of the memories of us having fun, the chemistry and the whole thing, and I can't understand why this sudden cut.

 

I just kind of want to get thoughts on this. I know that I should probably try to move on, but it's been really difficult.

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He's too cowardly to tell you that he's no longer interested in you, therefore he's ghosting you.

 

I don't know why he's ghosting you. It could be so many reasons such as preoccupation with placements, post-placement, interested in someone else, perhaps wants a permanent break from you or maybe he thinks you're too high maintenance for him due to your health (pain), dealing with doctors and taking a semester off to spend time with family. I'm sorry for your tragic loss.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

Since you know what type of character he has, perhaps it's a good thing that he gave you a sudden cut so you can give him a sudden cut, too. You deserve better and it is NOT him.

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I was also recently ghosted but from a guys point of view. my girlfriend blocked me on whatsapp and phone call. Im still shocked and confused because the previous night she is the one who actually video called me... There are many possibilities but I think the best is to found out so that yo can get closer. Well that is what Im planning to do...

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I was also recently ghosted but from a guys point of view. my girlfriend blocked me on whatsapp and phone call. Im still shocked and confused because the previous night she is the one who actually video called me... There are many possibilities but I think the best is to found out so that yo can get closer. Well that is what Im planning to do...

 

I'm sorry that you're experiencing this too. Yeah I think closure is what I really want/need. But I have a feeling if he's not answering my texts, he's not gonna pick up the call :( I hope you'll be able to find closure.

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I'm sorry, OP. This was a gutless and disrespectful move on his part.

 

As said above by Cherylyn, it's anyone's guess as to why he went this route. Job stress, new crush, and ex who popped back up, general fear of commitment. The truth is that you might never know exactly what happened. All you can do is look at his current behaviour as a reflection of his overall character; he's not the stand-up guy he made himself out to be.

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I'm sorry, OP. This was a gutless and disrespectful move on his part.

 

As said above by Cherylyn, it's anyone's guess as to why he went this route. Job stress, new crush, and ex who popped back up, general fear of commitment. The truth is that you might never know exactly what happened. All you can do is look at his current behaviour as a reflection of his overall character; he's not the stand-up guy he made himself out to be.

 

That’s really true. Not knowing is just so frustrating but I guess if he doesn’t have the decency to be fair about it, I should try to run the other way, even if it’s difficult

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That’s really true. Not knowing is just so frustrating but I guess if he doesn’t have the decency to be fair about it, I should try to run the other way, even if it’s difficult

 

So true. And, yes, so hard.

 

My private rule is that two of my hard relationship dealbreakers are ghosting and snooping. What those two things say about someone's character is, in my opinion, nothing I want to explore, figure out, work through, or stay involved in. In your shoes—and I've been in versions—I would try to find the closure there rather than in hoping from something from him.

 

Really sorry about all this, as well as your health struggles.

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So true. And, yes, so hard.

 

My private rule is that two of my hard relationship dealbreakers are ghosting and snooping. What those two things say about someone's character is, in my opinion, nothing I want to explore, figure out, work through, or stay involved in. In your shoes—and I've been in versions—I would try to find the closure there rather than in hoping from something from him.

 

Really sorry about all this, as well as your health struggles.

 

I agree with this... in the past I have tried to push past in situations when someone was doing a slow fade or ghosting me, thinking oh it's all good they are just busy, I am busy too... until I realized how devaluing this was for my confidence and self-esteem. Never again, I don't have time for that cowardly BS.

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He's a coward. Best to find out this way than another.

 

He's not interested; it isn't because you don't have anything to offer and it isn't because you're anything less than someone else's favorite person someday - it just isn't this guy and for himself, he's not a brave person - so much so that he can't even have a proper discussion with you, someone he literally knows and presumably is comfortable enough speaking to.

 

MissCanuck and Cherylyn are right, but while it's anyone's guess to why he's decided to do this to you and it's infuriating, but not everyone will treat you with this kind of utter-disrespect and no matter the reason, he's a lost cause for not having a proper breakup with you.

 

I know it's hard because you saw him as something else, but you're way better off in the long-run dating someone who shows you the decency to break up in person if that comes than a child scared of even that type of confrontation.

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I agree with this... in the past I have tried to push past in situations when someone was doing a slow fade or ghosting me, thinking oh it's all good they are just busy, I am busy too... until I realized how devaluing this was for my confidence and self-esteem. Never again, I don't have time for that cowardly BS.

 

Yup.

 

I've been imperfect in a zillion ways, some of them supremely lousy though things I know I'd be open to attempting to deal with, in certain scenarios, if I was on the receiving end. But not ghosting, not snooping. I'd never do these things and, in a vacuum, have no interest in the psychology behind it. It's a display of human weakness and cowardice I don't have much empathy for, so to even try to engage with it would be to lose empathy for myself. If that's the cost of connection or closure, I'll pass.

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Do you happen to know much about his dating or relationship history?

 

I don’t think he’s had a steady relationship but I think maybe like 2 years ago, he had a FWB situation but it wasn’t officially given that title. There was miscommunication in which the girl thought they were together but he didn’t think so, leading to her being angry when he said he wanted to remain friends. I think she cut him off completely.

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He's a coward. Best to find out this way than another.

 

He's not interested; it isn't because you don't have anything to offer and it isn't because you're anything less than someone else's favorite person someday - it just isn't this guy and for himself, he's not a brave person - so much so that he can't even have a proper discussion with you, someone he literally knows and presumably is comfortable enough speaking to.

 

MissCanuck and Cherylyn are right, but while it's anyone's guess to why he's decided to do this to you and it's infuriating, but not everyone will treat you with this kind of utter-disrespect and no matter the reason, he's a lost cause for not having a proper breakup with you.

 

I know it's hard because you saw him as something else, but you're way better off in the long-run dating someone who shows you the decency to break up in person if that comes than a child scared of even that type of confrontation.

 

Thanks for your insight and support. It definitely makes me sad when I think about the memories, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m ready to chuck a slipper at his direction but even the slipper might be worth more so..

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Sorry to hear this. It sounds lie like got too busy for both of you and he lost interest. All you can do is see if he stays in touch in the future, if you're still interested by then. In the mean time. make sure you are ready willing and able to date, mentally, physically and emotionally. If you don't have the time to date, then focus on your health and studies instead.

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Thanks for the advice and compassion :) I wish he could just tell me and be clear about so that I'm not left waiting for a potential response.

 

His ghosting and non-response to you is your answer. This is his message to you. His message to you is this: "GET LOST. I DON'T WANT YOU." He's rejecting you. Return the favor, ignore him and do the same. Be done with him. He's not worth your attention and energy. You need to move on with your life.

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