History: Married (1991) for 28 years, 1st act of infidelity was about 3 years into the marriage, my wife messed around with someone and I found the notes from him in her purse one night while getting something for our 2 year old.
I was mad, upset and just wanted to run away so I joined the Army and left for boot in '94. We had made up before I left, 3 years later I get out of the Army and she gets a job and meets a co-worker and has 2nd infidelity. I tried everything to save the marriage and we stayed together for the kids (3 now) more than anything I beleive. She keeps sleeping with the co-worker behind my back until someone from her job comes and tells me. I am not even sure what happens after this point, I know we split for a few months... fast foward to...
'06 She starts accusing me of having an affair with a co-worker, I was not and while at dinner with my bosses she calls and starts in, hears the waitress and goes off and hangs up. I get a call saying she had OD'd on pain pills from her best friend, I rush home and talk with the parametics, she is okay but they suggest putting her in a rehab hospital for a week. I do, while in rehab I have sex with her best friend (Mistake and I know) she gets out I tell her I have had it with her behavior and tell her I cannot do this any longer we split up, she takes the kids and moves in with her Uncle.
She serves divorce papers to me on my brithday but we reconcile before the D-Day and cancle the Divorce.
Things are good for the next 4-6 years, minor fights but no red flags. She starts having coffee with an old friend (Guy3) from work. (Not the same from above) and she starts to get distant, I confront her and she says I am wrong and nothing is going on, I pull the phone records and find she has been texting and talking to him for hours at a time. I again confront her, she claims it is just talking but sees that it could be causing issues and stops (Maybe) things get better again for about another 6 months.
2012 - She comes home from work one day and says THIS IS IT, I AM DONE! says she is not in love with me anymore and wants a divorce, says she does not know if she has every loved me and she is just DONE! I accuse her of it being another guys get the "I know you would say that, there is no one else) I beg and plead for her to reconsider, she says NO,she has made up her mind, we are DONE!
She leaves me and our youngest (16) to go live with her mother, about 1 month later she moves in with the guy3 from above. I try to save the marriage, consoling, get a good job, a new place etc. about 1 year into the split she gets cold and distants herself from the kids and I. I give up on saving the marriage, I start dating, I meet someone and we click. We date for about 3 months and my wife notices and starts questionign the kids about her and if I am happy. She starts texting me out of the blue and trying to be cute, a few days past and she says she made a mistake and wants to get back together and stop the divorce (It's a week from being final) I still have feeling but do not trust her PLUS I have feeling for the new girl but not the history that I have with the wife.
I break if off with the GF, and try to recocile with the wife, I am still not 100% I want to at this point. I recomend we get divorced and then try dating to see if it is worth trying again, she cries and begs me to stop the divorce. I reluctantly agree to stay married and try again.
I don't think I love her at this point due to the last 2 years but the relationship is comfortable, things are comfortable for a 6-8 months but then the ex GF messages me and we start talking and she tries to talk me out of what I am doing and one thing leads to another and we end of sleeping together, we have sex randomly for the next year, (Maybe 5-7 times total). I feel guilty and come clean, break it off cold with the GF. The wife and I move out of state and stay there for a little over a year. Our middle son has our first grandchild and we move back home.
We have been home now for 6 months, for the past year and half I have tried to fall back in love with her, I have no clue if I love her, she leaves on bussiness trips for a week at a time, she always ask if I miss her, I never miss her. sometimes I feel like I HATE her, I dont really trust her and I think I sit here and wait for a repeat.
I know I am not perfect, I have ed up serveral times, cheated after it happened to me, I tried to use that as justifcation and I know it is wrong. We should have split back in '94 but did not, now 25 years later I just dont know what I should do.
I know what it feels like to have your world ripped apart, I don't want to hurt her like she hurt me but is it fair to stay with her just to save her the hurt?
Thank you to anyone that read all of this.
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