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Thread: Wife doesnt want to save our marriage

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    So if you were taking care of the household chores, why would there be any fight about this? Any why would it take hours to fight about. Just do the darn dishes.
    Those were when I was working part time and running our son around, while she was home. She had a 24 hr job at the time and was home 4 or 5 days a week.

    [/QUOTE]There's only oh so many sweatpant nights and take out a woman can endure when he hubs also can't plan dates as well.[/QUOTE]

    We dont eat out. I wasnt always a good cook but have gotten better. We do occasionally go out, but she hates spending money on date night.

    [/QUOTE]And when work is stressful for me, everything magnifies like his piles of dirty laundry taking up almost all of our bedroom floor. And I'm thinking, "I am tied of this" too. But the fact that now he earns 6 figures, and the kids are alive, I don't sweat too much over them.

    Even if does say, "hey, let's work things out," get a job - get a job - get any okay job. Forget computers. Unless you are graduating from a D3 school, or an insanely good programmer, or have been interning at a reputable place, it's dog eat dog world out there - not sure if you are a programmer, or in IT.[/QUOTE]

    She did start a new job a couple months ago, and I know its been stressing her. I have tried to be supportive but lately she started pushing me away and not talking to me anymore.
    I have been working towards a database degree and have a few certifications now, should I just walk away from that when in 2 yrs experience at an entry level position I could move up to another position that the median pay is 6 figures? That was our long term plan, that apparently wasnt moving fast enough and she didnt care to discuss it with me.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by TxMidLifeDad
    These are not choices I made on my own.
    I am sure he recognizes that you made these choices together. But they aren't working for her. And she can't be the a-hole who says so because you made them together. So instead says, "I'm tired of this" because she thinks you should just magically figure it out. But I'm telling you know, it's the lack of job that appears to be driving it along with nose diving her sexual attraction to you.

  3. #23
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    A mom doesn't just come right out of the bat just plopping down and doing whatever. It's years of resentment, frustration, and anger that has them morph into that. And a lazy husband sure is enough motivation to become a couch potato.
    Methinks YOU had a lazy husband and are lashing out at the OP. He does not sound lazy at all to me!

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by TeeDee
    Just try for the actions & see how she responds to that. She's kind of talked out at this point.
    Thats just it, she hasnt talked to me about it. I accept she wants me gone, I just need to work through the stages.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    A mom doesn't just come right out of the bat just plopping down and doing whatever. It's years of resentment, frustration, and anger that has them morph into that. And a lazy husband sure is enough motivation to become a couch potato.
    LOl, well I have been anything but lazy.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    I am sure he recognizes that you made these choices together. But they aren't working for her. And she can't be the a-hole who says so because you made them together. So instead says, "I'm tired of this" because she thinks you should just magically figure it out. But I'm telling you know, it's the lack of job that appears to be driving it along with nose diving her sexual attraction to you.
    Sexual attraction? When did that get brought up? So its my fault she decided things weren't working out the way she wanted and I couldn't read her mind about it?

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    Methinks YOU had a lazy husband and are lashing out at the OP. He does not sound lazy at all to me!
    Thanks. I know I could have done more, but I was never sitting around the house watching TV getting nothing done.

  9. #28
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TxMidLifeDad
    Sexual attraction? When did that get brought up? So its my fault she decided things weren't working out the way she wanted and I couldn't read her mind about it?
    Maybe TB has a problem in the bedroom that she's lashing out about also!!!!

  10. #29
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    I'm not saying you are. But I'm saying she thinks you are. My husband is not lazy at all. But there are plenty of things he could also be doing that is what's needed. With his ADHD, he'll work on something unnecessary for hours on end, but it's nothing to do what really needs to be done.

    I find when the partner jumps to the conclusion that they're cheating, they could be, but it's also their way of not being accountable for their own actions. You keep bringing up how you both made these choices. But you have to remember, this is you life too. You need to learn when to cut your losses and when to lean in. It doesn't sound like you are doing either, but focusing on how, your "Wife doesnt want to save our marriage"...even that mindset alone means it's really up to her to save the marriage.

    You aren't trying to figure out how you are culpable. A woman doesn't just wake up one day and go, "hey, I'm losing respect for my hubs." It takes a steady slide into that feeling. And by the time they bring it up, they've already have one foot out the door.

    And just because you do a bunch; is it what she needs? Now you can keep thinking you're the victim that you had to become the stay at home dad, but it's not working. So stop. Make some choices about where you want to be in life. And do it. You don't need your wife to hold your hand for everything.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by TxMidLifeDad
    Sexual attraction? When did that get brought up? So its my fault she decided things weren't working out the way she wanted and I couldn't read her mind about it?
    No one can read minds. This is where she is culpable.

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