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Thread: I donít know how to help myself

  1. #1
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    I donít know how to help myself

    My ex broke up with me back in April and I have been confused ever since. Right before he broke up with me I opened a savings for us so we could finally move in together like we always talked about. We were together for almost 5 years and we were engaged. Our relationship was never easy mainly because we live far away from each other, we are both very busy, and to put the cherry on top he gave me several reasons not to trust him anymore. Towards the end I started questioning him more and more about a lot and I see why that couldíve been a lot. He told me he needed to keep moving for himself and that he canít wait for anything in his life. And I get that but we were so close to our goal. Since May he had been texting once a week asking how I am, casual conversation, as well as conversation about how I feel about us, him telling me he wanted to see me, and that Iím beautiful, smart, amazing, heís toxic for me, and I deserve so much more than him, finally it all lead up to a couple weeks ago. He finally told me he missed me and that he missed my voice and he had a photo of me still that he looked at, and he thinks of me everyday. 2 weeks pass and I donít hear from him so I text him and he asks if I can meet him this weekend, I agree this weekend comes and he drops a bomb on me that he has just started dating someone new. I donít understand. What is the point of telling me you miss me and all that stuff if you were just gonna move on anyways? I donít think it will last because he said heís toxic and that he misses me and that will not be good for this new relationship. He didnít show up to meet with me so I told him I canít be friends with him if this is how it is and I said ďI hope you know I did everything I could for you. Iíll try to keep my promises to you. Be good to her. Take care of yourselfĒ and his response was ďthanks and itís been a good runĒ I donít know what to think??

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I think youre young and you got your first taste of empty promises.

    It was quite possibly all fanstasy for him unfortunately.

    I had multiple friends in high school in long distance online relationships, one actually was legit and moved and they were together, the rest, time wasters, it was never real for them, how could it truly be? Itís all words, no action.

    Youíre right, you deserve reality, actions, he isnít it, it hurts I know, but take it one day at a time and remember it never would have actually amounted to anything. Because if he was serious he wouldnít have done what he did.

    Iím sorry.

    One day at a time.

  3. #3
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    It sounds like he was trying to keep you warm in case things with his new girlfriend don't work out. When he realized things are developing there, he put the kibosh on plans with you. Not the behaviour of a mature person, in any case.

    It's time for a clean break. It appears your relationship with him had been deteriorating for a while, if he'd already given you reasons not to trust him. That's your cue not to move and get engaged. Some day you will be grateful this relationship didn't go any further. Your gut has been trying to tell you this isn't the guy for you.

  4. #4
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    I shouldíve put this in the post but I didnít want it to be too long lol but we saw each other every couple of weeks and even more so if we were lucky, he would stay at my house and he met my family as well as spending holidays together. Back in January when I was with him where he lives he brought me to meet his grandparents which he never usual did with girls he dated, when we were together he would do anything for me, including going out of his way to come to me and surprise me for my birthday, but yeah I get it.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    The guy has confirmed your observation that you can't trust him. Picture the kind of healing you could have pursued had you not remained focused on the false carrots the guy dangled, and then make it your goal to make that healing up to yourself now.

    We never get any wasted time back to live over again, so put a stop to allowing him to consume any more of your time and focus. Hire a therapist if necessary, but do whatever it takes to stop living in your head 'around' a guy who is living his life. Start living yours.

    Head high.

  7. #6
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    I'm sorry this happened to you but it illustrates the importance of a clean break . . . none of this hanging on, still talking. You may have said the words "we broke up" but you still maintained some semblance of a relationship & you had hope. Now you know he was just using you. . .talking to you until somebody else came along.

    You need to block him everywhere. This is over. Let it be over. Your healing will start once you sever all contact & all channels.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. He is not ready for nor desires moving in/marriage. You were alone in this relationship and sadly it sounds like he's had someone else for a while now. Try to get support from friends and family. Get more involved in your local life. Take that savings account and spend it on your education and your own place. Stop communicating with him, he wants to demote you to fwb.
    Originally Posted by cmf1011
    Right before he broke up with me I opened a savings for us so we could finally move in together like we always talked about.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by cmf1011
    He didnít show up to meet with me so I told him I canít be friends with him if this is how it is and I said ďI hope you know I did everything I could for you. Iíll try to keep my promises to you. Be good to her. Take care of yourselfĒ and his response was ďthanks and itís been a good runĒ I donít know what to think??
    his response to you is basically that he's moved on. i know that hurts, but he doesn't sound like a winner to me if he let you go. you want a guy who will fight for you, always! i agree with some of the other posters here, he was using you to talk to until he found someone new to spend his time on.

    i would go NC and block him from all social media as well, out of sight out of mind. plus it will send a clear message to him that you meant it when you said you didn't want to be friends. you don't want to be "that girl" who he keeps as "friends" if his new relationship doesn't work out. you should NEVER be anyone's 2nd!

    use that money on you and move on from him. i highly doubt it's the last you'll hear from him once you go NC and block him from social media. eventually they always come crawling back when you completely stop the relationship on all accounts. but by then you'll be moved on and with someone new, his loss.


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