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Thread: How easy is it to meet someone when travelling?

  1. #1
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    How easy is it to meet someone when travelling?

    my BF is now overseas travelling and my anxiety is coming up..He's going with friends, they planned the trip before we got together. So Im not going with.

    This is a new relationship, but we've met the parents,made future plans, the friends he's going with are decent guys too and I dont believe there is bad influence. But I know you meet lots of people on the road, from parties, from hostels, or wherever...I heard stories about how people meet romantic interests while travelling and I keep having thoughts that BF might meet someone else?
    But I know those worries serve me nothing good and I want to stop, but I kind of cant....so thought maybe I could get some insight/help from here?

  2. #2
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    This seems like another variation on the common theme "my man is going on holiday with his friends, I am worried he will cheat on me whilst he is away!" So I am just going to copy-paste a previous answer.

    Unless your man's friends are misogynist and/or amoral a-holes, the fact that they are going as a group basically prevents any of them from cheating on any partners at home. Because most mature and decent guys have at least a basic moral compass and we like our friends to also be basically decent human beings. A group of guys might banter among themselves about girls, tolerate or even encourage some naughtiness like flirting with a cute girl, telling crude jokes or whatever... but we know where the line is, and if it is crossed, a guy would likely face criticism from his friends, who may even inform his partner, especially if any of them are mutual friends of hers. Basically it is a self-policing system for really bad behaviour.

    I have considered cheating recently (please do not judge too harshly, you do not know the context and I have decided not to do it because it is wrong regardless) and went on a few dates, I absolutely would not consider telling any of my friends about it, even if they do not know my girlfriend or have any means to tell her... because it is amoral and I do not want my peers to think of me as an amoral human being. If I cheat in my romantic life, I automatically also become a less reliable friend, colleague and regarded with lower moral standards.

    i.e. if a guy is gonna cheat on you, it is unlikely that he's gonna do it on holiday with his friends, because he won't be able to hide it from them.


    In addition to the above, does his travel buddies know about you? Has your BF introduced you to his friends? Since you called it "travelling" instead of "holiday", I am going to assume that your BF is doing something like a trip through Europe, or Asia, or whatever, and not just hanging out with mates on a party island like Ibiza or Magaluf. If the trip is a trip, you should be safe. If he is just hanging out on a party island, then there would be more to be concerned about, but it still does not mean he will cheat. Oh and the final point of legitimate concern is if he is going on a trip with both guys and girls, and there is anything between him and a travel-mate. In my experience, travelling together is rather conducive to building romantic attraction and sexual tension.

  3. #3
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    Perhaps I should be more specific, hes going with guy friends only and travel through multiple cities. I have met all the friends, all good people.There will be parties, drinks, there will also be sightseeing activities. I actually don't think he will have casual sex, because I know he's smarter than that, also cuz his friends will not be ok with it.

    But I kind of worry he will meet someone and actually grow feelings for her...cuz then you cant really call that cheating?

    I'm just really paranoid...

  4. #4
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    It would not be cheating if he met somebody he liked on the trip, but did not do anything about it because he is in a relationship, but possibly breaks up with you later to be with her. I was actually on the receiving end of something like with my ex at university. She went on a trip with course mates and broke up with me after the trip. A few months later she started dating another guy on that trip. Our breakup was amicable and I wasn't angry or hurt.

    Why?

    Simple really, she didn't actually cheat on me, I don't know if she was tempted, but she did not because her friends and peers would have judged her even if she was not constrained by her own sense of right and wrong. She handled the fact that she felt something stronger with somebody else than me in a way that was respectful and mature, which I appreciate, and in return I gave her new relationship my full blessings, and even stuck to her version of events when asked (by mutual friends) about why we broke up.

    Maybe I didn't really love her, I guess if I was more deeply in love and committed, I would have been more heartbroken and disappointed, but my thinking is that, "our relationship fizzled, she met somebody she connected with better, she did not cheat on me, I have not been made to look an idiot... so why be angry? I want to be with somebody who is passionate about being with me. I don't want her to just "settle" with being with me, so if that connection is not there anymore, or if she feels it stronger with somebody else, then my relationship has reached end of the line. I will cherish the memories and move on."

    Anyway I have really digressed, it seems like you have serious trust issues and insecurity... part of the reason why I went into my thinking about that breakup is because I want you to approach relationships with an open minded mentality of "let's see how it goes" as opposed to "omg I can't lose him, what if I lose him?! what if he falls for somebody else?!"... which is the vibe I am getting.

    Being paranoid, insecure, clingy etc... is not attractive and will drive him away. Be confident in yourself, work on yourself, have your own life, goals and ambitions. Know that you are desirable and that he should consider himself fortunate that you decided to give him a chance to be with you, to make room on your life's journey for him. Make him work for your relationship (not in a petty testing kind of way though) and do not denigrate yourself in-front of him. Do not make your relationship and this guy more important than yourself and your own life.

    You might then just find that everything will just fall into place anyway. And if not... there's probably a queue of guys hoping to get a turn on sharing your life's journey with you.

    Good luck!

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  6. #5
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    Having traveled and backpacked at one point myself, yes, itís very easy to meet other people. Young folks tend to hang out in the same places, find accommodation in the same places, be out for a good time.

    Youíre worried about the wrong things, though. It doesnít matter how easy it is to meet someone if youíre committed to your relationship. Yes, holiday hookups and flings abound - but only for those who are single or not invested in their significant others back home.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by MirrorKnight
    . Make him work for your relationship (not in a petty testing kind of way though) and do not denigrate yourself in-front of him. Do not make your relationship and this guy more important than yourself and your own life.
    How do I exactly make him "work" for the relationship ?

  8. #7
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    How long have you been dating? Have you had the 'exclusive' conversation yet? How long will he be away and what type of communication did you agree on? If he doesn't meet anyone, great. If he does, then he's not invested and not the right guy for you, so either way it works out for you.
    Originally Posted by h0000
    they planned the trip before we got together. So Im not going with. This is a new relationship

  9. #8
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    How do I exactly make him "work" for the relationship ?
    As I said, don't make your life revolve around him. At the simplest level, do you make all of your time available for him, or do you have other things in your life? so he has to fit himself into your schedule. Does he do thoughtful things for you? Does he take care of you? Does he prioritize you over other things? I don't mean that he should make his life revolve around you instead, a healthy and lasting relationship should be balanced. If only one person is invested, or significantly more invested than the other, then the relationship will not last.

  10. #9
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    TBH this is a really good relationship so far, and healthy (we do still have our own lives, but both make time for each other) and he's been a great BF. I can even say he is the best BF I have ever had (in terms of how he treated me so far).
    But this relationship is new like i said, a shy 6 months. So I guess we have not had a strong,deep foundation yet. I know this is a good opportunity to see how committed he is but, I would still feel really really sad if he meet someone else and this doesnt work out.

  11. #10
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    It's as easy as him going to a pub on a Wednesday night with friends and hooking up with a woman he met there. It could happen at any time. If you think the relationship is that weak, then you're going to have a lot of worry-filled nights. You have to believe it isn't that weak and that you both bring enough to the relationship to keep it going. A healthy relationship is made up of trust and both mutual and separate interests among many other things.

    I get the feeling that the clamps will be coming down the more secure you feel in letting your insecurities known. In other words, future discussions that go something like "if you really cared about me, you would only travel with me or spend time with me." It's a familiar scenario to be said both by men and women. That's when relationships end or get very unpleasant to be in. Don't let that happen.

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