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Thread: What happens to friendships after highschool?

  1. #1
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    What happens to friendships after highschool?

    I just started my last year of highschool, and I am already starting to think and worry about the end. I've always been independent, and I dont think that I will be sad to never see some of my friends again, but there is one person that I am really scared to say goodbye to. I had a recent situation while I was on a small vacation where I met a girl, developed feelings for her, then the vacation ended and I didnt get her social media or anything. I was so angry with myself, and learned that I should always take my chances. I dont want the same thing happening to this girl, because I have really developed a great friendship with her. Shes the only person that has truly made me happy when I was with her, and I want her to stay in my life. I don't know what to do to keep her around after highschool without giving off the wrong idea that I want to be her "boyfriend". So far I have no classes with her this year, so i likely wont run into her unless I approach her. Do I just have to accept that I am nutz and most friends dont really keep in touch after highschool?

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Some friendships continue and some donít .

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    What plans do you have for after you graduate?

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    I am going into Chemical engineering

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    Originally Posted by hide
    I am going into Chemical engineering
    So you're going to college?

    I promise, you are going to meet so many people in college! You will make dozens of friends. You most likely will not be pining away for someone from back in high school.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, after HS, many friendships fizzle or dissolve. Sure, there is social media but it's not the same as seeing friends everyday at school, frequently socializing and enjoying camaraderie often. HS friends drift apart and after college, too. Friends drift apart during adulthood when people move away or simply lose interest in each other. It's nothing personal either. It's just that people move in all sorts of directions in life whether it's with jobs, moving, marrying, having families and getting immersed in their new lives which is a stark difference from their past with you. This is part of life.

    It's sad but try to look at the positive. Depending on what stage in your life you're at, people will constantly waft in and out of it.

    In my experience, my more permanent friends were in person, nurtured friendships. My BFF is from when we were only 9 years old, she was my maid-of-honor and our sons are the same age. My mother close friends are from church. My other friends are from my sons former sports team.

    I have one friend from HS. Even though she reached out to me after she moved closer to me, there were so many blank years in between that we're strangers now and I've since lost interest to rekindle our lost friendship. It's no one's fault. It's just how life is.

    If you wish to retain your HS (and / or college) friends, you need to make sure that you constantly cultivate, nurture and maintain those friendships after you part ways because if you don't, people get lazy and friendships dissolve very easily as years pass by. People become very busy as they're immersed in their own lives. Everyone is this way. Keep in touch and go through great lengths to see each other in person at every opportunity because once people become "out of sight, out of mind," you can say farewell to your previous friendships permanently.

    I know it's more convenient through social media / emails / texts / messages to keep in touch but keep in mind, it will only be in electronic written form which isn't the same as seeing friends in person at least every now and then.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hide
    I am going into Chemical engineering
    Congratulations! CE was my cousin's major as well.

    You will meet a ton of friends in college. Just be prepared because after college, many friends will go their own way in life just as you will. Friendships part ways because life takes everyone in different directions and everyone takes their own trajectory. (Career, job changes, moving away, meeting someone, marrying, having kids, etc.) Priorities change for everyone.

    Sure, there is social media but it's not the same as getting together frequently IN PERSON.

    Generally, with life and usually, people have friends within their locale or geography. Naturally, if you see one another frequently, you'll feel closer to friends this way. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes friends or people to drift apart permanently.

    Accept life for what it is. Friends or people will constantly waft in and out of your life depending on what stage of life you're at. I had friends in HS, college and beyond. Currently, I'm with friends within my community because obviously I see them more frequently so it's easier to maintain friendships this way.

    We're nostalgic for the past and then friends go their separate ways. Unfortunately, some friendships are only temporary depending on your life's stages. As long as you know this, your expectations about friendships will be realistic.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stay in touch via social media. If this is more than a friend, ask her out. Hanging out together does not make you her bf. Keep it low key .
    Originally Posted by hide
    I just started my last year of highschool, I dont want the same thing happening to this girl, because I have really developed a great friendship with her. the wrong idea that I want to be her "boyfriend".

  10. #9
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    I had no internet or social media in the mid 1980s when I graduated. Some people I stayed in touch with and not others, some I reconnected with many years later on Facebook. It just all depended. We stayed in touch by getting together, phone calls, and handwritten letters to colleges. One of my closest friends and I have been close since we were 14 and freshmen in different high schools. We weren't as much in touch during college given geography but we stayed bonded and close. We're now 53 and still close and have not lived in the same city since 1990.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hide
    I just started my last year of highschool, and I am already starting to think and worry about the end. I've always been independent, and I dont think that I will be sad to never see some of my friends again, but there is one person that I am really scared to say goodbye to. I had a recent situation while I was on a small vacation where I met a girl, developed feelings for her, then the vacation ended and I didnt get her social media or anything. I was so angry with myself, and learned that I should always take my chances. I dont want the same thing happening to this girl, because I have really developed a great friendship with her. Shes the only person that has truly made me happy when I was with her, and I want her to stay in my life. I don't know what to do to keep her around after highschool without giving off the wrong idea that I want to be her "boyfriend". So far I have no classes with her this year, so i likely wont run into her unless I approach her. Do I just have to accept that I am nutz and most friends dont really keep in touch after highschool?
    At that age I gave out fake phone numbers because I didn't want to be reached by boys who couldn't take no for an answer. You're not going to "keep her around" if she doesn't to have anything to do with you. This isn't a one-way street (where what you want is all that matters).

    Ask her point blank whether she'd like to keep in touch after highschool. If she says no, take it for that exact answer.

    Not everyone keeps in touch after highschool.
    Edit: Good job on getting in for engineering. Stay on top of things and don't be afraid to make new friends.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 09-07-2019 at 08:46 PM.

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