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Thread: Girlfriend is super attached but I want to end it

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend is super attached but I want to end it

    Ugh I donít really know where to start with this. Iíve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now. Iím 18 and sheís 17 and we met through work last year. I never imagined things would work out between us but we started hanging out and we ended up dating. Early on, I had some issues because she liked to vape/smoke/ drink all of which Iím not really into and she kinda shamed me for it. Eventually she quite vaping but still talks about wanting to smoke and drink which I hate because she knows I hate it. She has become extremely attached and talks about our future together all the time, but I canít see myself marrying her. She wants to live up north but I prefer SoCal where I go to college now. Iíve had a bunch of issues that have been slowly adding up, one of my main concerns is that she is tame now while sheís at home, but I feel like once she gets to college she might end up doing something. Sheís extremely social and tends to lead people on without realizing it and doesnít know when to cut people off when she should, I feel like her desire for attention and drinking habits may lead to her cheating although she says she would never do that. So do I avoid myself getting hurt and hurting her by stringing her along and just end it ASAP? Iím going home to surprise her in 2 weeks and sheís coming down to check out the campus in the next month. Do I wait until thatís over? She also never wanted to go to college down her and after I came down and convinced her, sheís applying to a bunch of schools down her. I donít want her to end up going to a school down her for me, just for us to end up breaking up. What should I do? And how do I do this without devastating her?

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    No matter how you end it she will be devastated, rejection sucks! However if you end it before she makes major life decisions sheíll be forever grateful. I say the sooner the better, never lead someone on. Youíre both very young, trust me sheíll get over it sooner then you think.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Breakups are always upsetting, but you shouldn't stay to sacrifice your happiness, or hers (because she wouldn't want to be with you if she read what you're writing here.)

    Not many people stay with their first love. Most people have numerous relationships in their youth before finally settling down. These are years of extreme growth, where people don't even fully know themselves yet, and so how are they going to wisely choose a lifetime partner?

    It's a watershed moment that has forced you to make a quick decision now, so it's the right time. I did the same thing upon graduation from high school and broke up with my bf of 2 years. Enjoy the rest of your college years!

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    You need to end this. Sooner, than later.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nman4141
    Iíve had a bunch of issues that have been slowly adding up...
    What other issues do you have aside from your girlfriend? Or are they all revolving around her?

    Both of you sound like you have differences in opinion on more than one thing. End it if it's not right for you. Just don't delay it too long because it doesn't work in your favour. You'll gradually appear manipulative and deceiving, resentful and unkind. This is because your harboured resentment is growing and you're not doing anything about it. If you do not respect her for her choices, be clear about it with yourself. When you break up with her you can be honest with her and tell her you're not right for each other. You don't have to give someone a brain hemorrhage for all the reasons you don't get along but just be clear that you aren't made for each other and you do not want to date anymore. Stop all contact and do not keep in touch via text or social media. Make it over completely and request that you give each other your privacy. Maintain some respect between the both of you.

    After this relationship is over and you've sorted yourself you might want to go over also why you developed so many issues with her and misgivings. You may have to work through some insecurities on your part. Maybe you are not comfortable with your partner going out at all or speaking to the opposite sex. Don't be afraid to work through your own fears and whatever else makes you uncomfortable. Look for qualities and traits in people that you can respect and be the kind of man that others will respect too.

    This really isn't the end of the world. Do the right thing and end it if it's bringing you this much misery and consternation.

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    If she's super attached, why does she want to go out partying? Or does she expect you to join her in partying, drinking and smoking?

    ETA: Four months ago you were afraid SHE would leave YOU. Now you want to break up with her? What changed? College fun?

  8. #7
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    Sheís super attached in the aspect that she texts and calls all the time and gets her feelings hurt when I dont/ canít talk because Iím studying or hanging out with friends, she then can go entire days with her friends and not respond to me (which Iím okay with it is just kinda hypocritical.) I still feel like she may leave me once she gets to college. As I said previously she is extremely social and tends to lead people on/ act really flirty without realizing it I guess? But her constant desire for attention and touch makes me feel like she might leave me once she finds a larger group of guys in college. She expects me to go partying with her but she knows Iím not really into alcohol and her and her family in a way shame me/ make fun of me for it. Her parents are totally okay with their underage daughters throwing parties drinking and vaping which doesnít make much sense to me. It isnít that Iíve found another girl or anything I just donít feel like wasting time building our relationship if I feel like it isnít going to workout in the end. So I was just wondering how I should break up with her without destroying her. I feel like we actually have nothing in common. We watch Netflix together, go out to eat and hangout and thatís about it. Our friends are totally different as well. She is going through a bit of a rough patch though with her body and appearance as well as college apps and stuff. I feel like breaking up with her would just be too much. So Iím just not sure what to do

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Now is the perfect time to set yourselves free and most of all, cut your losses and stop babysitting this rebellious child.
    Originally Posted by Nman4141
    My girlfriend and I have been dating for the past six months and will have been dating for a year once I leave for college. We live in northern California but I will be going to college in San Diego while my girlfriend, who is a junior this year, finishes up her last year of high school.

    When I first met her, she was a little crazy, ( liked to smoke, party, vape, and drink a little) but I shared my concerns with her and told her that I didnt feel like we would be good together if she was like that. she understood and promised to quit it all

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    End it ASAP. Both of you shouldn't waste your time and energy on each other.

    She's a wild child with a lifestyle vastly different than yours. You've already observed this. Both of you are not evenly yoked. There is nothing in common, your values are not the same and it will never work out anyway.

    Best to call it quits now.

    She will be hurt and devastated. No doubt about that. It's life. It's worse to drag this out and tell her later. Better to get it over and done with. She'll eventually move on in her life as will you. Time will heal old wounds.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Depending on what she's studying, she may fall flat on her face realizing the demands of her classes once she enters uni or college anyway. Vaping and partying may not be an option once she starts failing her exams or courses. If you feel yourself becoming resentful, pitying or not respecting her choices, this probably isn't a good place for you. Don't be that guy either who doesn't have the courage to break up with his girlfriend and ends up being rude and mean, wanting his gf to do it instead ( break up with him). If you don't like her, you don't like her. Be honest with yourself.

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