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Thread: PLEASE help! I Said Something I Shouldn't Have And I Don't Know What To Do

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Sep 2019

    PLEASE help! I Said Something I Shouldn't Have And I Don't Know What To Do

    Okay, so I'm friends with a couple who recently have broken up (guy broke up with girl) and I wasn't aware of it, but it has become apparent now that the guy did tell me but I misunderstood what he said. He told me how he has more time to work on other things now that they've broken up and he can hang out with his friends (he has a lot of friends who are girls) since the girl was always jealous. Like I said, I didn't understand that they were not together anymore and thought that she moved away. So I thought this whole conversation was a lighthearted one and I thought he was just making a joke? But anyways, so I end up meeting up with the girl (at first being surprised because I thought she moved away) and find out they broke up, and I was shocked. I told her that I spoke to the guy that morning, but misunderstood that they were no longer together. That led me to telling her about what he said (written above) but I quickly realized, after it's been said, that it was a mistake. Her mood very noticeably shifted and she got sad and quiet. At that point I realized what I've said to her, and realized I shouldn't have said it. I asked her if she was alright and she said yeah, but she obviously wasn't. I didn't want to push her, and in the end she ended up asking me if maybe she was a bad girlfriend and started to belittle and hate herself, which I was then made aware that she held a lot of insecurities about herself. Later she cried because that piece of information (what the guy said) broke her and made her upset. I once again asked if she was okay and told her not to hate herself because she was a good person (she thought she was a terrible person) and that she was the best, and I gave her a hug (I did my best at comforting her, as I've never really had to comfort others before). I've never been in this type of situation, so I've become aware of how insensitive, naive, and ignorant I was. I'm not sure what to do now, because the guy will probably be mad at me for telling her what he said (if she told him) and I feel completely terrible that I hurt the girl's feelings. I had no intent to cause harm or anything negative. Since this is the first time something like this has happened, I'm unsure how I can properly handle this situation because I feel like it could become a terrible mess. How should I confront the girl? Should I first off apologize for making her feel the way she did? Should I give her some space and not acknowledge it right away? Same with the guy, (if he found out) should I apologize about opening my mouth without thinking and for causing any mess (if any is made)? Right now, all I'm left with is regret, guilt, sadness, and I'm starting to hate myself for this ignorant action I've done...Someone else told me that all I can do is learn from my mistake and nothing else. Any other thoughts or advice? :c

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Leave her alone and apologize to the guy - damage done and lesson learned - everyone will survive and be fine.

    So leave her to process and move forward for now, her opinion of you as a friend has not changed because you accidentally informed her of information that was salt on a wound but the longer you linger around trying to make amends for it, the more you'll appear to be missing the plot that this - right now - is not about you or your friendship with her, it's about the other two and their breakup.

    Also, if you are honestly friends with both of them, you must back off. The more you provide her comfort/hugs/etc. the more it appear to look like you're trying to manipulate a vulnerable female friend to catch her on the rebound if you are consistantly inserting yourself so much into their business.

    Apologize to him , leave her alone and let them go through their thing.

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