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Thread: Should I keep trying?

  1. #1
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    Should I keep trying?

    My ex (19M) and I (18F) have dated since high school for 3 years. 3 months ago we broke up (as detailed in my previous post) after I ignited a fight because i felt like he “no longer cared”, initially he fought for me but the next say he said he no longer loved me and as we have kept in contact he says that he was tired of being in a relationship, that the problem wasn’t me and that he just wanted to be alone. Since breaking up we have kept in contact nearly everyday although our replies to each other are cut short. We are friends with benefits and sext although initially he was afraid of this because he didn’t want to use me. I guess from this i’ve realised that there is still a strong physical attraction, he still gets excited by my appearance like the way he used to. My ex doesn’t talk to people he just likes playing video games like an introvert, I was one of the people who got him out of his shell to talk. We have each others social media account and he hasn’t talked to any girls, heck he barely texts his own friends. I’m still the only one he speaks to. I tried doing NC last week however it only lasted two days until he texted me and i caved in and texted him back.

    However, despite all this, within the first month of our breakup I constantly bombarded him with text messages trying to understand what happened between us and why he didn’t fight for us. He hates talking about our relationship and I don’t understand why when neither of us were toxic. It got to the point to him blocking me for two days until he unblocked me and said that I shouldn’t keep trying to talk to him about our relationship because it was “annoying”.

    Should I continue to try? I feel like he still gives me attention and cares for me (although not like he used to) but after my initial pleading and the things that he said telling me to “move on” i’m conflicted as to what I should do. I feel like I can slowly get his strong attraction again but I don’t want to force him.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Why are you asking again? It doesn't sound like anything has changed since you posted your previous thread not long ago. I do think you're stuck in this horrible space though and you should be more realistic with yourself. Step away from this situation and stop looking for affection from this guy where there isn't any.

    No guy is going to respect you the way you're behaving. I'm sorry to say that. You sound deeply manipulative (in total denial) and disrespectful towards his wishes. Be respectful towards each other and learn to back away. Engage with your friends and enjoy your hobbies and spend time with others.

  3. #3
    Silver Member JamesDE's Avatar
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    He cares for you because you are what he knows. I feel bad for him, he's making the typical high school mistakes. But you are here, so I'll advise you and he will have to figure it out. If you know it or not, this is done. At least for now. Tell him, you want to be gentle, but you must be direct. You cannot move forward with him, you need to break up, you know this is painful, but this is what you want. Nothing more. He will ask, and then ask again, it will not settle well, but you must remain firm. It's hurtful, but this is the less hurtful way in a painful situation. When he persists, tell him you will always be a friend, but please give you at least one year to allow this to pass. When he still persists, please repeat, please give me one year to let this pass. He will curse, he will call you names, you do not want to respond. If he still persists, repeat it one last time and tell him, that this is the last time, please do not respond, but please let me know in a year if you would like to reach out and say hello. He will hate you, and that is fine. All hate ends in time. Eventually, you will run into him again, and it will be a friendly hello, maybe a friendship. But right now, you need distance. Hold firm. Good luck.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You broke up with him because you felt he no longer cared and now he's told you outright that he no longer cares but he'll take the sex if you're giving it. Don't you think you should just tell him outright that you won't be contacting him again and that the sex stops? Youu need to get over him so that you can be free in heart and mind to find someone that DOES CARE.

    Why would he even need to be in a relationship with you when he's getting all of the benefits without the commitment and the need to nurture a relationship? At this point, he'd be a fool to go back to being in something committed with you.

    Sorry you're going through the pain of a break up however: Zero contact will help you to more quickly get to the stage of indifference to him so you'll be open to dating and finding someone, like I said, who actually does care.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He checked out with the tantrum, but will go along for the ride.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Should I continue to try? I feel like he still gives me attention and cares for me (although not like he used to) but after my initial pleading and the things that he said telling me to “move on” i’m conflicted as to what I should do. I feel like I can slowly get his strong attraction again but I don’t want to force him.
    What you're seeing as his attention and caring for you, is his version of free booty calls. What a deal! In short, if he doesn't want your heart, he doesn't deserve your body.

    Rather than place yourself on clearance, it's time to stay within the original price. You can do better...

  8. #7
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    The relationship ran its course, OP. Most relationships that start in high school eventually do.

    The advice you get here will be the same as your other thread - No, you shouldn't keep trying. You especially should not be offering up no-strings sex and sexting. That is a terrible mistake, as you will only feel worse when you realize that he was just getting his rocks off with no intention of reconciling.

  9. #8
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    Don't keep trying, don't start fights on purpose, don't offer no strings. Go your own ways.

  10. #9
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    "He hates talking about our relationship and I don’t understand why when neither of us were toxic. It got to the point to him blocking me for two days until he unblocked me and said that I shouldn’t keep trying to talk to him about our relationship because it was “annoying”.

    Should I continue to try? I feel like he still gives me attention and cares for me (although not like he used to) but after my initial pleading and the things that he said telling me to “move on” i’m conflicted as to what I should do."


    By "try" do you mean continue to have commitment-free sex and sexting with him? Because as you've found, that doesn't make him want to be your boyfriend again.

    No, you should not continue to "try". And I really hope you've been using condoms along with an reliable form of birth control so you don't get an "oops" pregnancy.

  11. #10
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    We all answered this. Why not refer to the other thread, instead of asking the same question!

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