Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 6 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 55

Thread: Is it bad to be too trusting in a relationship?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,303
    Gender
    Female
    OP the focus here should be on how she treats you and your relationship. She doesn't have healthy boundaries. You shouldn't tell her this or that. She knows what she is doing is inappropriate, she just doesn't give a rat's butt. Her going on this trip with a male coworker/sharing a room is grounds for a breakup. Stop being such a push over.

  2. #12
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    156
    Gender
    Female
    There is a balance. Generally trusting is a good thing. Telling your SO how to dress or what to think is overly controlling & not helpful.

    However, I think one half of a couple going off to a foreign country without the other to share a room with a coworker of the opposite sex is a bridge too far. There is trust & then there is deliberately turning a blind eye to something right in front of you

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,261
    How badly do you want to hang onto her?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,664
    Gender
    Female
    To address the compatibility situation, if you're more of a homebody, don't you want a partner more like you, who you can enjoy your time at home with, cooking together, watching movies with, etc.?

    Instead, you're home alone regularly while she's out with a male harem.

    I'm not saying you have to be joined at the hip, or that a woman can't have a girl's night out once in a while, but at her age and being exclusive with you after 5 years, like another poster pointed out, she should have matured and evolved as far as activities are concerned.

    My husband and I each have hobbies we do without each other. We have group friends, same sex friends, and couples we hang out with. If he hung out regularly at a bar and did the club scene, I would've told him that the relationship wasn't working for me and I'd be moving on, even if I trusted him. That's not the type of partner I want in a longterm relationship. I did the dancing and drinking thing after my first marriage ended and it was fun to let loose for a while. But when I met my future husband, I was happy to leave that behind and value my time with him going to flea markets, fixing up our house together, and all of that domestic bliss stuff.

    We spoke to each other when we became exclusive of what our relationship boundaries would be. Perhaps you didn't do that, but I suggest you do in your next relationship.

    You can still do it with this relationship if you decide to stay. But if she doesn't agree, don't settle for someone who doesn't match you in this very important way. Just because she's pretty and sexy doesn't mean that's all it takes to be the perfect partner for you. Did you ever consider that you're settling?

    And no, never tell someone what they should wear or try to control them in any way. It's wiser to pick people who you don't want to change. If you don't like how they behave, cut them loose as soon as you see the dealbreaker.

    I bet she didn't even ask you what you thought of her going on a trip with another man. She's treating you like a doormat. That's why your friends are trying to give you advice about this woman. At least they care. She walks all over you while she enters a bedroom with another man, unafraid that you'll dump her for something most wouldn't do. Doesn't that give you a clue on how she feels about you?

  5.  

  6. #15

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    33
    Posts
    11
    Gender
    Male
    I contacted her and raised my concerns, but she said that I should just stop being so controlling. She said for 6 years she's been unsatisfied physically and that I shouldn't take that away from her. She said that if she's fully honest she actually wants something with this guy. But just physical. "I'll always be your Jenna". I just froze at this point and she said they haven't had sex like she said she wouldn't. I don't know if that means anything else happened.

    She ended saying that she wants to feel satisfied and that it's not cheating if I understand. I said yeah I do cause I didn't know what else to say. She said don't worry it won't mean anything he's just more attractive physically not emotionally. I said as long as this is still a relationship.

    Idk what to make of it but I think I just agreed to someone banging my girlfriend... She was honest enough to be upfront. I don't know what to make of the unsatisfied thing. It's been 6 years....

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,261
    You did just agree to let her have sex with other guys.

    I asked before, how badly do you want to hang onto this sham of a relationship? Knowing your girlfriend of 6 years is doing all kinds of sexual things with other men? Would you marry her knowing she's naked with other men?

    There are other women in the world, you know. Just because you spent 6 years with someone who wants other men doesn't mean you have to spend the next 40 shackled to a woman who cheats.

  8. #17

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    33
    Posts
    11
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You did just agree to let her have sex with other guys.

    I asked before, how badly do you want to hang onto this sham of a relationship? Knowing your girlfriend of 6 years is doing all kinds of sexual things with other men? Would you marry her knowing she's naked with other men?

    There are other women in the world, you know. Just because you spent 6 years with someone who wants other men doesn't mean you have to spend the next 40 shackled to a woman who cheats.
    Yeah I do wanna marry her but not make things complicated. I still don't know what happened but I do want to hold on. I don't think she's cheating though I'm agreeing. She messaged after saying I am not deprived so I have to be faithful...

  9. #18
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,505
    Gender
    Male
    Question: If you want to eat Italian for dinner and she wants you to eat dirt, do you eat the dirt?

    I know it's not a fun question to read, but I get the feeling that's kind of your dynamic, that you've kind of lost track of who you are what you want inside this relationship. Hard for someone to respect you when you don't know who you are, you know?

    Do you want an open relationship? A dynamic where she has sex with people who aren't you? If so, all good. No judgement. Though typically these things are actually talked about, between two people, not thrown at one person by the other under the guise of honesty.

    Hate to say it, but I suspect you've been in that dynamic longer than you know. Didn't have to discuss it because the blinders were firmly fastened. Today the blinders came off for a second, so she kind of explained that to you.

    Question is: Are you able to listen to what she's saying? Are you able to listen to yourself?

    I feel for you. Really hard spot to be in. Five years, lots of hopes. In your shoes, I'd give yourself this moment to check in with your gut. Sounds to me like it's been screaming at you for a good long time, with reason.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,261
    Originally Posted by camnicko
    Yeah I do wanna marry her but not make things complicated. I still don't know what happened but I do want to hold on. I don't think she's cheating though I'm agreeing. She messaged after saying I am not deprived so I have to be faithful...
    None of that makes sense. She told you she is going to have sex with other men. She then proceeds to tell you that YOU cannot have sex with other women because in her opinion you are not "deprived" (although she apparently thinks she is).

    Where's your self esteem? Why do you think this cheating selfish woman is the best you can do?

    And please don't trot out the old "but I LOVE her!!!!!1111" or "But we've been together SIX YEARS! I don't want it to be all for nothing!!!111" Because neither of those are reasons to stay with a cheater who cares nothing about your feelings.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,505
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by camnicko
    She messaged after saying I am not deprived so I have to be faithful...
    What?!

    I missed this when I was writing my last reply. How does that sit with you? Does it seem like a fair assessment of things?

Page 2 of 6 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •