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Thread: Victim pending

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I don't want to minimize whatever it is you went through. If what you identify as, from that relationship, is a "victim," and if that's helping you process and move forward, great. Stay on that path.

    But this? No. You will not look good, or helpful, or kind. You will look like someone who is very annoyed at still having feelings for someone you didn't feel treated you well, who is jealous that he's in a new relationship, and looking to retaliate through meddling, smearing. You will look petty and obsessive, and a very sound argument could be made that you'd look that way because you'd be acting that way, whatever your intentions.

    Your relationship with him didn't work. Maybe hers with him does, or doesn't. That's their story to live, not yours to interfere with. You've got your own story now, and he doesn't need to be anything more than a bit character in it. Walk that path and you might not even feel like a victim, in time.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by ArielPalermo
    I have just now accepted that it was an abusive relationship. It's difficult to accept, especially when you're in love with someone.
    Is this because he's dating someone else?

    She's not going to listen to what you say. He will paint you as a jealous, bitter ex.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Having been on the receiving end of such a warning myself from someone who was a complete stranger, I can tell you that the only thing that will go through her mind is what a nutcase you are. I'd reserve any desires to warn the world and start your healing process a bit more earnestly. What goes on between him and her is none of your business.

    Work on you and come out of that victim mentality also. See a specialist or someone you can guide you out of your unhealthy thought patterns. It's one thing to have suffered trauma or abuse and it's another to become embroiled in the idea of remaining a victim. Get out of that mindset asap.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ArielPalermo
    not even if it's put in this manner?

    "I feel obligated to warn you about the path your current relationship may go down based on my experiences. I personally experienced much abuse during the relationship and feel that you need to look for warning signs. Do research and donít let yourself be victimized. Naturally I was very nervous sending this message to you and donít know if Iím in the wrong by doing so or not; I do not wish any malicious intentions towards you, your partner, or your relationship. I wish you the best in your romantic endeavors."
    I understand your concern, but I think you will probably end up provoking him by sending this message. Best to just let it be, and block him from social media so that you don't face this temptation again!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    No. You're being petty. Don't be petty.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    OP whatever happened in your relationship is between you and him... what happens with his future girlfriends is not your business. Not only will he paint you as bitter and crazy, but if you keep it up you risk being charged with harassment.

    If you think it will break them up I am afraid you are disillusioned... it will likely push them even closer together. Besides, if he is indeed abusive, why would you want to poke the bear??

  8. #17
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    I agree -it's not your place to interfere nor will it do any good -probably the exact opposite. Also he may be working on himself right now ,you don't know.

  9. #18
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    I am sorry you were in an abusive relationship, however, I agree with other member's comments in that it really is not your place (nor in your best interest) to insert yourself into their relationship. Doing so may result in more trouble than you bargained for and just keeps you entangled in an abusive environment (i.e. your ex). Communicating with his girlfriend will serve to only impede your progress and recovery.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    No, skip that. You'll come off as a crazy attention-seeker. If you were abused, then your best course of action is to stay away from the guy and avoid interfering in his personal life. It can only buy you trouble--and for zero benefit to anyone else.

  11. #20
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    It's good that he blocked you. Now block him on any other site you may be friends on. No, don't warn her, that's not your job. Plus she won't believe you anyway. Hang in there and focus on your healing and don't talk to him or any of his future girlfriends.

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