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I recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and was moving on nicely until a month later a saw that my ex was in a relationship on facebook. I suddenly felt obligated to warn her. He blocked me on facebook shortly after (probably to keep me quiet), and I blocked his number. I feel that I should message his girlfriend and warn her of the abuse I experienced and to look for signs. Should I go forward with the message or leave it be?

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Not if 'ignoring you and paying cards' was what you consider abuse. Sounds like you want to smear him, not "warn" her. Just recently you "liked him a lot".

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and like him a lot. He has a personality that causes him to be very "chill" as he calls it. I see him once a week and find myself missing him a lot of the times. He can be so neglectful when I communicate what I want to improve between us; especially when it comes to him ignoring my calls and texts. Even on the weekend when he's just playing games and going out with friends. He says I'm too persistent with my calls and texts. I feel like I wouldn't be as persistent if he just acknowledged my efforts to communicate with him a bit more, and improved his communication in what he needs and wants. I don't know what would be the best way to accomplish this; be direct, or back way off and let him decide if I'm worth the trouble?
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not even if it's put in this manner?

 

"I feel obligated to warn you about the path your current relationship may go down based on my experiences. I personally experienced much abuse during the relationship and feel that you need to look for warning signs. Do research and don’t let yourself be victimized. Naturally I was very nervous sending this message to you and don’t know if I’m in the wrong by doing so or not; I do not wish any malicious intentions towards you, your partner, or your relationship. I wish you the best in your romantic endeavors."

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I don't want to minimize whatever it is you went through. If what you identify as, from that relationship, is a "victim," and if that's helping you process and move forward, great. Stay on that path.

 

But this? No. You will not look good, or helpful, or kind. You will look like someone who is very annoyed at still having feelings for someone you didn't feel treated you well, who is jealous that he's in a new relationship, and looking to retaliate through meddling, smearing. You will look petty and obsessive, and a very sound argument could be made that you'd look that way because you'd be acting that way, whatever your intentions.

 

Your relationship with him didn't work. Maybe hers with him does, or doesn't. That's their story to live, not yours to interfere with. You've got your own story now, and he doesn't need to be anything more than a bit character in it. Walk that path and you might not even feel like a victim, in time.

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Having been on the receiving end of such a warning myself from someone who was a complete stranger, I can tell you that the only thing that will go through her mind is what a nutcase you are. I'd reserve any desires to warn the world and start your healing process a bit more earnestly. What goes on between him and her is none of your business.

 

Work on you and come out of that victim mentality also. See a specialist or someone you can guide you out of your unhealthy thought patterns. It's one thing to have suffered trauma or abuse and it's another to become embroiled in the idea of remaining a victim. Get out of that mindset asap.

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not even if it's put in this manner?

 

"I feel obligated to warn you about the path your current relationship may go down based on my experiences. I personally experienced much abuse during the relationship and feel that you need to look for warning signs. Do research and don’t let yourself be victimized. Naturally I was very nervous sending this message to you and don’t know if I’m in the wrong by doing so or not; I do not wish any malicious intentions towards you, your partner, or your relationship. I wish you the best in your romantic endeavors."

 

I understand your concern, but I think you will probably end up provoking him by sending this message. Best to just let it be, and block him from social media so that you don't face this temptation again!

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OP whatever happened in your relationship is between you and him... what happens with his future girlfriends is not your business. Not only will he paint you as bitter and crazy, but if you keep it up you risk being charged with harassment.

 

If you think it will break them up I am afraid you are disillusioned... it will likely push them even closer together. Besides, if he is indeed abusive, why would you want to poke the bear??

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I am sorry you were in an abusive relationship, however, I agree with other member's comments in that it really is not your place (nor in your best interest) to insert yourself into their relationship. Doing so may result in more trouble than you bargained for and just keeps you entangled in an abusive environment (i.e. your ex). Communicating with his girlfriend will serve to only impede your progress and recovery.

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If you look at signs of an abusive relationship one of them is discluding their partners from social activities and withholding communication. Please be aware of the signs of abuse before you claim his tendencies were justified.

 

Or you know, the guy got overwhelmed by your neediness, or perhaps he just was not that into you. I'm not sure how somebody who found you too needy and suffocating could be "abusive" and "controlling". You cannot be controlling of somebody if you do not even want to communicate with them. If anything it seems that you were controlling of him, demanding more time with him, demanding to be included in his social life etc...

 

If he did not physically hurt, call you abusive names and merely pulled back from your relationship, then it is really quite offensive to just start screaming abuse and identifying as a victim, when there are real victims of domestic abuse out there.

 

I'm sorry OP but I genuinely and earnestly recommend that you look into therapy and try to understand why you feel the way that you feel.

 

Please understand I am the victim and don't intend to ruin his reputation

 

Just claiming that victim tag does not make you one. And it is not healthy to want to be defined as a victim if you were not. And what you are doing is the definition of trying to ruin his reputation.

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