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Thread: He took me to a SEX HOTEL on a second date =/ Was I in Danger? Please Help!!

  1. #1
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    He took me to a SEX HOTEL on a second date =/ Was I in Danger? Please Help!!

    Sigh, it sounds so stupid as I write this.

    We met on a dating app, He works for one of the top tech companies in the world as an engineer. My type, I was so happy.

    Our first date was nice, he seemed so charismatic, goal oriented, and our night went well! He seemed really excited about me, and excited for our next date.
    On this first date I want to mention that: I went into great detail about how I was ideally looking for my partner in life, and not looking for anything casual. Also went into greater detail that I really needed someone who I could take it slow with. He said cool to all of this, going slow, and was just so excited about me, and wanted to see me again.

    Second date, we are having cheese and wine at a super classy place, (yay my style.) and again the topic comes up about what we are looking for. He asks " You arent looking for anything casual right?" This is confirmed once again, "No. I am ideally looking for my match, partner in life." We then go on to discussing our "Visions of what marriage should be" -- His question, not mine. I simply say, i hope it is a partnership, balanced, and loving and commiting. He then goes on to say, He is looking for the mother of his children... etc. Okay, cool. whatever, I'm just like great --- not saying that we would be that person to eachother, we were just discussing our needs.

    So again, the night is going well - we seem happy. We wrap up, he grabs the bill - it is obvious we are into each other... He then says, let's go somewhere we can "Kiss a little" - I say okay!

    In my mind, I was expected another location, restaurant, bar, lounge etc... you know? As we are walking to the next destination, I do keep asking "so where are we going...?" and he isn't really providing too many details other than that, it will be a place "We can get to know each other better..." and i'm like.... okkkkkay....

    And now that i'm thinking about this, i could have actually been in danger.

    We arrive, to the door of some wierdo place ( This is in NYC by the way - meatpacking district) He kind of shoves me in the door???? And all I see is a bulletproof glass, hourly prices, and cash being exchanged at the counter.

    I immediately start to freak out realizing this is an "HOURLY SEX HOTEL". I literally froze up, circled around, and ran for the door.

    So......... I literally just froze in shock, and i guess my defense mechanisms kick in, and i said " You have brought me to a place where hookers go?"

    He is offended.

    So again, my defense mechanisms kick in... and i just start making small talk, just trying to navigate myself to safety off of this dark side street, to a brighter more populated area so that i can collect and dissect what exactly is going on. Finally we make it to large road, with lots of walking people ( This is manhattan) I sit on a large rock.

    He keeps saying... " I didn't do anything bad... if i did something bad, why don't i feel bad about it?? ..."you are no better than a prostitute/hooker, you have no right to judge them" Then he asks me "Do you think prostitutes are bad?"

    I am lost, lost lost, and confused why he took me to this sex hotel.... when we both discussed and confirmed that i was not looking for anything casual? he did not have my permission whatsoever to take me there.

    He then leaves me sitting on this rock and says " I think we both have some thinking to do". He leaves me, sitting there on the rock, and I find my way home after just sitting in shock.

    Next morning he texts me "Hi! Hope all is well, I think we should part ways!"

    I then, in fear call him a sexual predator... and say crazy intimidating things, in the event that i was in danger. For some reason, I just had a gut feeling his intentions were not good for me at all, and i really could have been in danger had he successfully lured me into an actual room at this sex hotel. It also flashed back to me also, that on the first date he said at the end " I don't want to scare you, but there's some place we can go to be alone" Which i declined. But now realizing, he may have had this in mind since the first date as well. I then start to really really really freak out. I feel i was in the hands of a predator? What do you guys think?

    I think he could have been dangerous... Am i crazy for thinking this night could have ended in some kind of date rape, or sexual assault situation? Am i taking this too far??

    After two dates of us going over the fact that i was "NOT looking for anything casual" Why on earth, would he bring me to a "SEX HOTEL" without my awareness or approval?

    I feel he was testing me, to see if he could push my boundaries, and this may be something he does to women often. He also did mention he had gone to that same sex hotel ...before with his "CO-Worker"....

    What was this whole thing about and how Can i prevent him from harming anyone if he is a predator? I have already reported him to the dating site, and also ---- told him that you will never get away with anything if it was your intention to harm me, or any woman in the future....

    Do you think I am taking my feelings too far?? Could it have been an innocent situation? He never asked me if I wanted to go, and wouldn't even disclose when I asked.... My gut just says that i was in danger. But i don't know ...

    Please help!!!!!!!!
    Last edited by sweetheartc314; 09-06-2019 at 02:24 PM.

  2. #2
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    WHOA.

    You should NOT go anywhere to "kiss a little" on a second date. if he walks you to your place, your car, or the subway or the cab, going in for a goodnight kiss is one thing - finding a destination is another. Shame on him - but you should not have agreed to go somewhere to "kiss a little" either. On the 6th, 10th or 20th date when you invite him to come to your place to pick you up and you invite him in and you kiss him thats fine too. He was NOT "testing you". He wanted to have sex with you.

    I am glad you are not going out again. A gentleman would not leave you sitting on a rock. He would make sure you got to the cab/bus, whatever, ok.

    you were not in danger because you said no and he honored your no. I would have hecked no'd him to, but being the way i was i would not have gone anywhere else except the agreed to upon meeting place on a second date.... but that's just my style

  3. #3
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    First of all, you did the exact right thing, the entire way through. You met a guy you thought you'd like from an app, in public places, for both dates. When you went for the walk, that was cool. When he tried to get you to go into the "hotel", you did the exact right thing by going outside and getting to a more populated area. I cannot think of one thing, in all of that situation, that you could have done better.

    It seems, from your story, that you went outside with him for a walk, and that you exited that "hotel" as quickly as you entered.

    It also seems that you were hoping to go to a wine bar or similar, which would have been fine. So I don't see that you did anything wrong by going with him to a second place.

    You could have told him you wanted to remain a virgin until marriage; it did not matter what you said to him, or what your conversations about future goals and dreams were. His motive was to take you to the "hotel". So don't worry about what he was thinking, as we all know, it was one thing.

    Is he a predator? We don't know. All we do know is, had you gone in with him, he could have said you were complicit and willing. And it doesn't appear that he spiked your drink, as you willingly walked in. There are probably cameras everywhere that he could use later to prove this. You could say in court that you had no idea, but a good attorney would have pictures of the outside of the place, showing how clearly marked the hourly rates are, and that you willingly entered. Fact is, you turned around, and you got out, so good for you.

    You are both moving on from this, and that's all you should do for now. He didn't force anything on you, he didn't put anything in your drink, and he texted and said "see ya later".

    So I'm not sure if this qualifies as a predator. What this does qualify for is, the unfortunate lesson that we need to be on guard all the time, which it appears you were. I'm sorry this happened.

  4. #4
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    So I'm not sure if this qualifies as a predator.

    i think he was simply a jerk

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  6. #5
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    But i agree - she did everything right - she got back into the crowd where she could be seen.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Next time don't divulge all your hopes and dreams for a relationship. I think he saw that you were vulnerable to the idea of a committed relationship and did prey on that particular part of you. Towards the end of your post, a strange detail came back to you in the first date. I have no doubt he was dropping little weird berries all along the way. I'm sorry you had to go through this.

    You do have a right to feel violated and upset. I would take a moment to assess what happened and go over the details you missed. Take this as a learning experience but don't let it turn you into just as much of a weirdo. In other words, drop it and don't have a chip on your shoulder when you go to other dates or meet other people. Stick to one venue that early on when dating and keep things simple. I wouldn't ooze the commitment type either that early on - the only thing you need to say is that you're not interested in hook ups or one night stands.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    You did the right thing so don't feel bad about anything.

    There are some good lessons to be learned here for you.

    Actions speak volumes so don't just rely on words.
    Never go anywhere with a man you hardly know unless you get an answer to your question : Where are we going? In this case if he would have said a hotel you would have put the brakes on the whole thing right there.
    If a guy talks about looking for the mother of his children on the second date be wary.
    Learn to trust your gut and if you don't feel right about a date or situation (even if it starts off great but turns sketchy) then end the date right away.

    I think he was a pushy jerk that thought he said everything you wanted to hear so he was thinking "kissing" would turn into sex so a sleazy hotel would be perfect.

    Delete and block him and learn from it.

    Lost

  9. #8
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    Ew, what a creep. Sorry you had to go through that, OP.

    Agree with LH; you did everything right.

    Despite what he told you in terms of what he was looking for, it’s clear sex was his primary focus. He was testing you to see if you’d cave and give in.

    Can’t believe he sent you that text about having to “part ways”. What a joke.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Ugh! I am so angry for you.

    I don't know if he was a predator. At the very least, he only wants what he wants and apparently doesn't listen or care to what a woman thinks. It's insulting almost - he's obviously intelligent to understand you when you say you are looking for a lifelong partner... but he disregards it in his mind, as if it doesn't matter WHAT you want. Just... ugh!

    I agree with milly that you did everything right. Please don't let this bad apple ruin your dating experience. You sound like a great person and I'm sure you'll find someone respectful and just all-around wonderful.

    All the best to your future hon.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    OP I think you did the right thing here, it's completely understandable that you were in shock and yet you still had the wherewithal to come up with a plan to get yourself out of that situation. I think you need to pat yourself on the back there!

    At the end of the day the only thing I can think of that I might (and I stress the word might) have done differently is to follow lostandhurts advice... ensure you know exactly where you are going vs allowing a stranger to lead you to somewhere unfamiliar. You can always use the excuse that you have to let your nanny / grandma / cousin staying at your place know where you will be.

    As for whether he is a predator? Not necessarily... maybe it was about some sort of fetish / fantasy that he has, or perhaps he is cheating on his girlfriend / wife and this is where he brings his "dates", or maybe he lives with his parents or grandparents and doesn't have any privacy... one thing I am certain of, is that if you did enter that hotel, he would have probably interpreted that as consent and tried to have sex with you. Good that you followed your gut and got the heck out of there.

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