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Thread: Holy Carp, I'm Getting Married!

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Can you do this at someone's home?
    A nice backyard wedding and you can elicit help from friends and family to cook a simple meal that goes a long way.
    Some pasta and salad maybe? Or just hors d'oeuvres?
    I also wouldn't ask people to bring chairs and divide the meal check. I didn't know that could be done.
    Things have changed, so maybe I am out of the loop.
    I was also going to suggest a backyard and perhaps close family could help with potluck type dishes.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Honestly, I was pretty bummed about the feedback about the No Host dinner. I honestly would not mind at all to get an invite like that, as I never presume to know someone's finances, and it shocked and bummed me out about knowing that people would consider not going just because they have to pay for a meal.

    In light of that, I told bf that I think we should cater. My father told me over the weekend that some extended family "would be devastated" that I did not invite them. They are aunts and uncles of his that I see once every 5-10 years, so I did not intend to invite them; but Dad told me that since they are getting old, they can't travel as often, and they would use it as a reason/opportunity to get together with family, and I should let them do that. Which is fine, but.... I'll be paying for them to do that (with food etc).

    So, the guest head count has increase to like 60.

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    Honestly, I was pretty bummed about the feedback about the No Host dinner. I honestly would not mind at all to get an invite like that, as I never presume to know someone's finances, and it shocked and bummed me out about knowing that people would consider not going just because they have to pay for a meal.

    In light of that, I told bf that I think we should cater. My father told me over the weekend that some extended family "would be devastated" that I did not invite them. They are aunts and uncles of his that I see once every 5-10 years, so I did not intend to invite them; but Dad told me that since they are getting old, they can't travel as often, and they would use it as a reason/opportunity to get together with family, and I should let them do that. Which is fine, but.... I'll be paying for them to do that (with food etc).

    So, the guest head count has increase to like 60.
    I would go if I could go -if I could afford it (meaning depending on how much it would cost to travel there, stay at a hotel, etc) and it might affect budget wise what kind of gift I would give. I would strongly consider not going if it was a split the bill situation involving alcohol because I have at the very most one glass of wine and for me personally having to pay for other people's alcohol consumption which can be extremely pricey might factor into whether I could afford to go. Same if the restaurant was very expensive - I'm not a 4 course meal type of person or ordering the lobster so again I wouldn't want to pay for other guests' indulgences. I would definitely do a potluck and bring something or order something to be shipped (like wine, or whatever was needed).
    To me it's like what many friends of mine have done on birthdays -you take the birthday person out for dinner, pay for the birthday person and pay for yourself. In those situations my paying for her dinner is the gift. Sometimes I also donate to a charity but I don't feel I also have to bring a gift on top of paying for my own meal and part of the birthday person. Yes I still go.

    If your father wants this to be a family reunion type situation then IMHO you should not have to pay for all of those additional guests.

  4. #44
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    Honestly, I was pretty bummed about the feedback about the No Host dinner. I honestly would not mind at all to get an invite like that, as I never presume to know someone's finances, and it shocked and bummed me out about knowing that people would consider not going just because they have to pay for a meal.

    In light of that, I told bf that I think we should cater. My father told me over the weekend that some extended family "would be devastated" that I did not invite them. They are aunts and uncles of his that I see once every 5-10 years, so I did not intend to invite them; but Dad told me that since they are getting old, they can't travel as often, and they would use it as a reason/opportunity to get together with family, and I should let them do that. Which is fine, but.... I'll be paying for them to do that (with food etc).

    So, the guest head count has increase to like 60.
    It may be becoming an outdated tradition, but it used to be that the brides parents paid for the wedding. I know mine did.
    Are your parents offering any support, especially in light of having some input about the guest list?

    Thinking back, I did go to a no host dinner for a couple that got married at city hall. We met them at a restaurant afterwards. But I think there were no more than a dozen of us. It was very informal.

    I just wouldn't don't know how to handle that with a group that size.

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  6. #45
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    My parents haven't really offered any support and I haven't asked. K and I are more financially stable than they are. We're paying for this on our own.

  7. #46
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    Our invitations came in and they aren't the right color. They appear to be *close* to our color when viewed in photos, but to the naked eye, they are much different. Bf contacted the company yesterday to see what they would say - we are prepared to keep them regardless, as they are still attractive and quite nice, just not "our color" - and the agent believes that there was a printer error. They are redoing and sending us new ones for free.

    We went to a cake tasting on Sunday, and while the cakes were delicious, we ran into issues with the event planner. She wasn't the same one we had when we initially spoke to this company, and basically we were told that all of the things we wanted weren't possible because "they just don't do that", even though the first event planner gave us a bunch of different options. It felt like they were just stuck in their policies/procedures and refused to accommodate us. And really, what we want is not complicated - a flat sheet cake in our colors with a design similar to our wedding invites (even if not the entire cake, just the middle or a portion of it). I called the company today and spoke with our original event planner, and she was shocked at the experience we had with the other one. She asked me to come in to discuss further. And we really wanted to go with this company, because they are a local grocery store chain that can cater as well, so we could just do everything through them. But if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

    I guess even little weddings don't always run smoothly.


    But some good news: we are going to have just my Maid of Honor and his Best Man, no other bridesmaids or groomsmen. I found this really pretty card that has a heart on it that you scratch off (like a scratch-off lottery card) and underneath it says "Be My Maid of Honor?" I mailed it to my cousin yesterday with just a quarter taped inside, nothing else. Hopefully she gets it, lol! I also have a friend that is ordained and will be our officiant, but I found the same card with "Will you marry us?" instead and I'll mail her that soon.

  8. #47
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    Our invitations came in and they aren't the right color. They appear to be *close* to our color when viewed in photos, but to the naked eye, they are much different. Bf contacted the company yesterday to see what they would say - we are prepared to keep them regardless, as they are still attractive and quite nice, just not "our color" - and the agent believes that there was a printer error. They are redoing and sending us new ones for free.

    We went to a cake tasting on Sunday, and while the cakes were delicious, we ran into issues with the event planner. She wasn't the same one we had when we initially spoke to this company, and basically we were told that all of the things we wanted weren't possible because "they just don't do that", even though the first event planner gave us a bunch of different options. It felt like they were just stuck in their policies/procedures and refused to accommodate us. And really, what we want is not complicated - a flat sheet cake in our colors with a design similar to our wedding invites (even if not the entire cake, just the middle or a portion of it). I called the company today and spoke with our original event planner, and she was shocked at the experience we had with the other one. She asked me to come in to discuss further. And we really wanted to go with this company, because they are a local grocery store chain that can cater as well, so we could just do everything through them. But if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

    I guess even little weddings don't always run smoothly.


    But some good news: we are going to have just my Maid of Honor and his Best Man, no other bridesmaids or groomsmen. I found this really pretty card that has a heart on it that you scratch off (like a scratch-off lottery card) and underneath it says "Be My Maid of Honor?" I mailed it to my cousin yesterday with just a quarter taped inside, nothing else. Hopefully she gets it, lol! I also have a friend that is ordained and will be our officiant, but I found the same card with "Will you marry us?" instead and I'll mail her that soon.
    Oh, all these things that seem so disruptive now will be cherished memories of days gone by... something to laugh about... life gets better as your years together grow!

  9. #48
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Oh we definitely aren't stressing over it! My mom already volunteered to just make cookies if we can't get the cake thing figured out (and I loooove her cookies), and with cookies you don't really need to stress over making them the day before or the same day. And we have other catering options that would work out. And the invites can still be used. We honestly don't really care - we just want to stand up there together to say "I do" and then eat with a bunch of our friends and family after. And I do want to wear a nice dress and see him in some nice clothes. He looks so handsome when he's professionally dressed and I just love being on his arm when he's got a tie on! He so handsome <3

    I found a really pretty ivory-colored "garden" dress. It goes a little past the knees and it has a layer of champagne/blush fabric under it. It just looks lovely and I think I'm going to buy it this weekend to see the fit etc. There's plenty of time to send it back if it turns out that I don't like it as much when it's on.

  10. #49
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    Glad you're taking it in stride! Sounds great.

  11. #50
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    My ring came in!

    [Register to see the link]

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