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Thread: Whatís it like dating someone with mild aspergers?

  1. #21
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    For instance although my son is a month from being 22 if I am upset or cry he gets tears in his eyes. If I get hurt he is devastated. He adores animals. He is very gentle and sweet with my daycare littles. He loves babies .

    Is reciprocal conversation difficult? Sometimes but he has matured greatly in that dept.

    What people donít realize is development is going to be at a slower pace.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The Op can reference the government site for accurate info. This thread should really be closed.

    The guy in question simply doesn't want to date her. There is no "diagnosis".
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    It is a myth they donít have empathy.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    It is a myth they donít have empathy. My son has tons . It is just not normally expressed like an NT.
    ~Seraphim~, I'm glad your son has empathy. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for my BIL (brother-in-law / my sister's husband). I will not mince words when I describe my BIL as a full on jerk. He is a jerk. He has a mild form of AS (Asperger's Syndrome / autism). Granted, he's really smart and earns a ton of money to afford an affluent lifestyle for my sister and their 3 kids but he's still a major jerk. He has zero empathy. He treats people with obnoxious disrespect which is incredibly insulting and offensive. He humiliates others privately and in social settings. He goes out of his way to say something horribly inappropriate and uncalled for all the time. He has no embarrassment nor shame whatsoever. He's appalling, abysmal, useless, worthless and hopeless. It's awful and so bad that he automatically alienates those around him and we avoid him like the plague.

    We all reside locally and we only see each other for TG (Thanksgiving) for my sons sake because they want to see their cousins for the holiday. Sometimes, we also see them for family obligations such as a grad party, special party for my mother and the like but we try to avoid him for the majority of the year every year.

    My sister defends her husband because he is her meal ticket and provides for the family. Me and my men (husband and 2 sons) stay faraway for our own protection and sanity. We live our own content lives.

    Unfortunately, their daughter, my niece also inherited her father's mild form of AS and she too has social problems but at least she is not as bad as her father. She is withdrawn and doesn't say obnoxiously rude comments reminiscent of her father. She's a nice girl because she doesn't say anything inappropriate.

    I like my nieces and nephew. Their father? He can go to you know where as far as I'm concerned. My sister? I let her continue being married to the jerk whom she chose. She puts up and shuts up. She made her bed and now she must lie in it. Better her than me.

  4. #24
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I donít think it is unfortunate someone is Autistic. How was your BIL treated by his family and society? I have seen society treat my son like sh*t for no reason other than he is different. He has been swarmed and beaten and mocked by adult ( teachers ) when he was a child. I have seen it with my own eyes and ears. How do people think people can turn out when treated like that.

    I also believe myself to be Autistic. I am not an un empathic jerk. Many many Autistic people are abused at a greater rate than the typical population.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    The Op can reference the government site for accurate info. This thread should really be closed.

    The guy in question simply doesn't want to date her. There is no "diagnosis".
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    Yes, this thread should be closed! The existence and rights of people with disabilities shouldn't be questioned. This thread is a bit ridiculous.

  7. #26
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Exactly. No one would question the right of a person in a wheelchair to exist . Not all disability is visible.
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Yes, this thread should be closed! The existence and rights of people with disabilities shouldn't be questioned. This thread is a bit ridiculous.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I donít think it is unfortunate someone is Autistic. How was your BIL treated by his family and society? I have seen society treat my son like sh*t for no reason other than he is different. He has been swarmed and beaten and mocked by adult ( teachers ) when he was a child. I have seen it with my own eyes and ears. How do people think people can turn out when treated like that.

    I also believe myself to be Autistic. I am not an un empathic jerk. Many many Autistic people are abused at a greater rate than the typical population.
    The entire family has given BIL countless free passes for decades until we finally reached our breaking point. There's only so much verbal abuse one can take. I only gave you the tip of the iceberg. It's so bad it would make your toes curl. Keep in mind, DH & DS (husband & sons) and I never sassed back to BIL. We always kept the peace and always ignored his snide comments to no avail. Well, there's only so much we could take and he pushed us away. He alienates others by biting all the time and never letting up. (Once bitten twice shy.)

    Respect is a 2-way street and if we're going to be insulted with no end in sight, we simply leave him or their entire family alone. I don't care what he says or what he does as long as it does not involve me or my men. It seems to work, too. We enforce healthy boundaries. Yes, he's a jerk.

    My niece has a mild form of AS as well, however she's not nearly as bad as her father. She has social problems but at least she doesn't take it as far as openly insulting others to their faces. This is the difference and she is a nice young lady.

    I like anyone whether they're autistic or not as long as my immediate family and I don't have to bear the brunt of their obnoxious disrespectful words to our faces. No one in their right mind enjoys this type of in your face obnoxious rudeness. We don't fight back. We just walk away and stay away. We don't deal. We don't argue. We simply stay away. Far away.

  9. #28
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    He may be a jerk but not every Autistic person is .

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I've never been in a relationship with an autistic person but I have at least a couple in my family (possibly more, possible undiagnosed adults in my family and their lives have been VERY difficult in some regards). Talking from my own experience, I think you'd have to be a good communicator...direct and to the point. Don't expect the other person to be good at reading non-verbal body language or expect them to follow niceties that other people do. You also may have to consider how functional the person is in society. Some people with autism are very high functioning and can hold down a job, deal with stress properly, etc. Some have limited capacity - they may be fine with holding down a full time job but marriage/kids - forget about it. Others are not able to be independent at all and you would have to do a lot for them.

    I think the relationship would have challenges for sure in that regard. Personally, I know it's not for me. I am basically a third parent in my family, a role I never wanted for myself and the idea of having to shoulder more responsibility, or even just RISKING it, is too much for me.

    Get to know the guy and go from there. See how you feel. If you feel that it's not for you, you can bail - just like you would in any other early dating relationship.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    He may be a jerk but not every Autistic person is .
    I fully agree with you. I still say BIL is a major jerk and he will NEVER change. I've already given him endless chances for 20 yrs and time's up. My husband, sons and I simply stay faraway from him and all is well. I don't care what BIL says or does as long as it does NOT involve me or my men.

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