Texting a date for feedback?

[Batya33]

My best way was to get back in the saddle as far as meeting people including people who could introduce me to single men. Action not reflection.

[Rose Mosse]

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I won’t text him. I wrote it out of a moment of weakness / desperation. I think it’s not necessarily him but I’m frustrated with dating and being single in general. I want to be in a relationship but haven’t found the right person yet and it’s heartbreaking sometimes.

You'll just have to pick yourself up and find strength in yourself, in your independence and your singular self. There is nothing more powerful than an individual who understands his/her own needs, desires, has their own goals. You should take a time out from the dating scene and get back in touch with yourself if you feel it's been awhile since you've done that. It's normal to feel burnt out while dating. People do take breaks from dating too. The less strong you feel in yourself or less self-confident you feel, the less and less you are as a person while meeting other people. Others will sense that from you and you'll be vulnerable. Be your best self and get back to yourself and all the things that make up who you are as a person.

Don't settle either for dribs and drabs like this. And a laptop is not acceptable at a dinner date.

[catfeeder]

If someone says they're busy you just simply say: "Okay, no problem. Let me know when you're sure of your schedule and we make plans then."
Then you walk away. The ball is in their court, if they contact you, you make plans. If they don't, you just never contact them again either. It can be so simple...
If they contact you and start talking about random things you state that you are busy, but you'd love to meet in person. What's your schedule like/when are you free? And make definite plans then.

This. If someone were to tell me he's busy for the next MONTH, there's not a shot in hell that I'd try to preempt that with an invitation. I'd write him off as disinterested, and maybe someday I'd be surprised by his contact for another date. But that would be the extent of any future thought to him, because if he were all that interested in me, he'd have no trouble making that clear to me.

Head high, and set up a few quick meets for coffee to check out other guys.

[smackie9]

Whatever his deal is, put him on the back burner, and date other men....just keep at it. If he rings you again and you are not seeing anyone, pick up where you left off.

[Bismark776]

I can say that I'm incredibly unconfident and just as awkward as you're describing this guy regarding the end of evening kiss. I need some pretty clear signs before I really feel comfortable about it.

That said, I'm very active about scheduling more dates. If I had a month that was so slammed that I couldn't make a date fit, I'd still actively communicate and clearly let her know I wanted to schedule it when possible.

[Hollyj]

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I won’t text him. I wrote it out of a moment of weakness / desperation. I think it’s not necessarily him but I’m frustrated with dating and being single in general. I want to be in a relationship but haven’t found the right person yet and it’s heartbreaking sometimes.

Try not to overinvest in strangers.

[Jibralta]

Well the weekend has come and gone, and another weekend is now here. I haven’t heard from him and would like to ask him out again. I would like to say something like “Hey Jon, I hope you had a great trip. So I don’t usually ask guys out, and more than once, but I really enjoyed my time with you. Would you like to go out again? If not, it’s totally cool, and I wouldn’t mind getting feedback from a totally awesome guy if you’re up for it. :)”

What do you guys think? My best friend says I’ll look desperate but to be honest I don’t really mind. If he’s not interested then it doesn’t matter what he thinks of me. It’s more important for me to take the opportunity. I’m also curious what he has to say if he does have feedback. I’m very comfortable asking him for feedback because he actually told me he does the same sometimes. So I don’t think he’ll think it’s weird. We’re both analytical people who love to learn and self improve.

Any thoughts on the actual text?

I get your reasoning, and I'm of the same mindset: I'd rather try. If they don't like me, oh well.

But why not just start with this:

Hey Jon, I hope you had a great trip. So I don’t usually ask guys out, and more than once, but I really enjoyed my time with you. Would you like to go out again?

If he says "no," you can ask for feedback. It's probably not going to be very useful to you because you are who you are. You're not going to change yourself just to satisfy another person, right?

But if you're just empirically interested in why he no longer wants to date you, go right ahead and ask. It's just a question. He might feel awkward about it, LOL... but at least he'll have a story to tell!

[Batya33]

From what I understand she already asked him out and he said he was busy for a month then hasn't been in contact.

[annie24]

I decided to take initiative and ask him out for the third date. To my surprise, he said he’s packed this weekend and this month is unusually busy for him. He’s going to be out of town this weekend and also was out of town last week. But he didn’t say anything else. I figured that if a guy was interested, he would at least say next month is better or set up a different date.

I think your first thought was the right one - if he were interested, he would have come up with a different date or suggested a breakfast date or something else to see you again.

Regarding feedback..... eh. I'm not sure if you asked him that he would even be honest and upfront. I'm thinking back on the times where I've been out with a guy twice but didn't want to go out again... I don't think I would have given him any honest feedback, maybe something very vague and unhelpful. One guy - I didn't like his teeth and I didn't like that he lived with his parents (he was supporting them, which is nice, but still, I'm in my 30s and don't want to go to a guy's place and have his parents in the next bedroom). Another guy I didn't like because I thought he was cheap and he was late to our second date (cheap as in we went to a bar that had $5 drink specials and he ordered a water. :/ ) A third guy seemed cool but he seemed like he was maybe hung up on a female friend of his, I don't know, but that was an impression I got so I never pushed it. He said they were going traveling together over the summer. Maybe if any of the guys had asked for feedback, the only one I would have given an honest answer to would have been the third guy.

[Hollyj]

From what I understand she already asked him out and he said he was busy for a month then hasn't been in contact.

Yeah, I wouldn't reach out again.