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Thread: She Needs Space?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry for the confusion. Sounds like she's overwhelmed—too overwhelmed to really continue in any way that will be satisfying. That's generally what "I need space" means, whether it's coming from a 23 year old or a 53 year old. Not always, but often.

    All that said, next time someone expresses a need for space? Try to avoid replying with a novel about yourself. Basically just say that you understand, you're here, and that's that. One heartfelt sentence that shows you can listen to their truth and are confident enough in your own skin to not need to fill that space with your truth.

    Because that message? I understand the intentions behind it, but it is 95 percent about you. Read back over it and you'll see how many sentences begin with "I." It is like an avalanche of you flooding into her just when she is telling you she needs a moment to herself, a moment away from you, maybe a forever moment—you trying to convince her that you're not some suffocating guy, that you can be who she wants, that you're all about casual, that....yeah, you get it.

    She's 23. Ten years younger than you. That age gap is showing 3 months in, and if it's already this pronounced odds are it will just get more intense. Different stages in life, as others are saying. Best, I think, to accept all that now than try to hold onto something that's already slipping away and proving itself to not give either of you the emotional nourishment you each need at this juncture in your individual journeys.

  2. #12
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    You should not have sent that, as you did nothing wrong. It makes you look weak and insecure.

    I think she was trying to end things, and instead of being honest, she lied.

    I'm sorry, but it is time to move on!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    She wanted casual...well that has run it's course she just wants to move on. I know how most people are. They don't like doing the rejecting/confrontation, they rather do it passively with lame excuses. I agree with Wiseman, "I need space" means it's over/I want out.

  4. #14
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    She wanted a light hearted NSA summer romance. School is back in session. She wants nothing to do with the guy back home. Do you really expect her to ask you -- a middle aged man -- to join her for campus activities?
    Last edited by TeeDee; 09-05-2019 at 10:52 AM.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Casual comes with an expiration date and sounds like yours just expired.

    That text, really would have helped if you haven't sent it. I cringed so many times reading it I lost count. As a general rule, when you feel the urge to say your peace.....stop and walk away for awhile. In the heat of the moment it will rarely come out well or get you what you want, quite the opposite in this case. I'm not surprised she hasn't responded. Anyway, take the hint and don't contact her again.

    What's with the extreme desperation? Maybe instead of trying to latch on to a woman, work on yourself a bit. You'll make for a much more attractive partner that way.

  7. #16
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    A guy I chose to stop dating sent me a message very similar to the one you sent. I admit I laughed and thought it was ridiculous. It was a transparent attempt to lure me back. But I'd already made up my mind.

    She may not have laughed and thought it was ridiculous, but I can bet she rolled her eyes because she asked for space and you reacted by sending a novel about yourself.

    Again, please do not send a text apologizing for your text. Just give her the space she asked for.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. Have you considered that you were her summer sugar daddy? Most college boys can't wine and dine anyone like this: "All our dates have been great - we’ve gone to fantastic places for small breaks away and great restaurants. After our last date in Bournemouth for a night away".
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    She may not have laughed and thought it was ridiculous, but I can bet she rolled her eyes because she asked for space and you reacted by sending a novel about yourself.

  9. #18
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    I think you ought to appreciate that you got to tap someone "hot" for the summer. Now it is time to move on.

  10. #19
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    I’m going to give her space - I now do agree but it came from a good place. I perhaps should mention that in July I actually got her pregnant but she had a miscarriage a month in. We didn’t know until she started bleeding. We dealt with it together. She does have a lot going on and has been through a lot. I’m going to fade away

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    And you believe that?
    Originally Posted by BJN31
    in July I actually got her pregnant but she had a miscarriage a month in.

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