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Thread: Need some guidance

  1. #1

    Need some guidance

    I'm 22 currently and I'm trying to find the perfect girlfriend/wife/soul mate and of course I know there's no such thing as perfect but I'm trying to find someone close to it

    I've started this little journey of mine when I was in 6th or 7th grade and its all I know that will make happy.

    I've realized in my last relationship that I'm loyal, faithful, persistent, and I always try to make my partner happy as possible without "spoiling" her of course

    Lately, I've been hopeless in finding that one person, I've dated two women and they haven't really returned the favor for my nature and efforts and they were too clingy no matter how much I tried to let them know and just recently, a woman was basically throwing themselves towards me, we had a lot of chemistry, we had common values and ambitions and I felt different with her than anybody else but the only problem was is that she was my best friend's crush/obsession and I didn't want to hurt him or make him betrayed but I didn't want to lose the chance. Currently, everyone dropped the situation and I lost my chance and jt has triggered my hopelessness and doubt if my dream will happen

    What should I do? How should I get there? Where do I go?

  2. #2
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    You are putting way too much pressure on a relationship when your starting goals are "perfect girlfriend/wife/soul mate". Seriously I don't know where you live, but in any Western country you are going to scare girls away talking about marriage and soul mate straight away.

    I've started this little journey of mine when I was in 6th or 7th grade and its all I know that will make happy.
    Again, calm down dude. Your happiness should not depend on finding a partner. Finding a life partner should not "complete you", you should have a complete life of your own, and then find somebody you love to share that life with. It is a lot of pressure (and unfair) to ask a partner to be responsible for your happiness.

    What to do? Develop yourself, you are so young, live your own life, go date some girls that you like, no pressure how it turns out... see what happens naturally.

    I'm not telling you to chase after casual flings or one night stands by the way, I personally do not date anyone that I do not see a potential future with, but when I meet a girl that I like, I am not thinking "omg I hope she becomes my wife and the mother of my children!"... I just keep seeing her, get to know her better and see what happens.

  3. #3
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    Do you mean perfect or perfect for you? Two very different things. I think having the goal of finding a long term partner is a great one and to find the right person you have to be the right person. So be the right person by having a fun fulfilling life whether or not you find a person who is a good match for you right now. No guarantees. You can do both -have a fun fulfilling life that doesn't include a partner until you meet the right person for you and be honest with yourself that finding the right person is a very important life goal of yours. That way when you meet various people you will have a more balanced approach and perspective and come across as "the right person." Anyway that's how it worked for me but it took me a long time and I also got in my own way. You're 22 - I wanted what you wanted at 22 - and was too desperate at that point. Fortunately I didn't get married to those who were not right for me - almost, not quite, whew. I married at 42 and in hindsight did the right thing by waiting. Is he the perfect person? Nope. Neither am I! We are right for each other and some would say "meant to be" (but I prefer to stay more grounded in reality about it). Good luck!!

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by AmbitiousYin
    I'm 22 currently and I'm trying to find the perfect girlfriend/wife/soul mate and of course I know there's no such thing as perfect but I'm trying to find someone close to it

    I've started this little journey of mine when I was in 6th or 7th grade and its all I know that will make happy.

    I've realized in my last relationship that I'm loyal, faithful, persistent, and I always try to make my partner happy as possible without "spoiling" her of course

    Lately, I've been hopeless in finding that one person, I've dated two women and they haven't really returned the favor for my nature and efforts and they were too clingy no matter how much I tried to let them know and just recently, a woman was basically throwing themselves towards me, we had a lot of chemistry, we had common values and ambitions and I felt different with her than anybody else but the only problem was is that she was my best friend's crush/obsession and I didn't want to hurt him or make him betrayed but I didn't want to lose the chance. Currently, everyone dropped the situation and I lost my chance and jt has triggered my hopelessness and doubt if my dream will happen

    What should I do? How should I get there? Where do I go?
    Firstly you're way too young to be thinking it's hopeless etc. Don't think too much in to this. If it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't. But just live your life. Meet different women casually date. And who knows you may end up eventually with the one you've been seeking.

    But at this point in time I wouldn't think so deeply about it

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get to know women socially or on dating apps. Dating is to see if you fit, if you don't get along, you move on. It's that simple. Right now you need to focus on your education, profession, interests activities sport clubs a, groups and hobbies. Make yourself more desirable through self improvement.
    Originally Posted by AmbitiousYin
    I'm 22 currently and I'm trying to find the perfect girlfriend/wife/soul mate
    I've started this little journey of mine when I was in 6th or 7th grade and its all I know that will make happy.

  7. #6
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AmbitiousYin

    I've started this little journey of mine when I was in 6th or 7th grade and its all I know that will make happy.
    You need to be happy with yourself, and with your life without a partner. Then, and only then, will you be ready for a healthy relationship. Think of it like this... your life is a cake, a relationship is the icing on the cake!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I think you were asked this in another forum....which is more important to you...your friendship, or this girl?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Many one and done posts do that they post here, there, everywhere. Do they get different answers there?
    Originally Posted by smackie9
    I think you were asked this in another forum.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're behaving like you're incomplete in your quest to find your other half. This is unattractive to most people as your stability seems to hinge on the success of finding a perfect partner. At 22 you should be avidly and hungrily going about your own business and completing your education or building your career. Why are you spending so much time consumed finding the right person? Are you met with a lot of dissent and discrimination where you're located? I can see where this may be somewhat of a point to make if you feel challenged or upset by your lack of options or due to issues in dating within your community.

    The women you described dating appeared clingy to you. Are you sure you're not attracting types that are similar to you? Like generally attracts like and birds of a feather... do flock together. Try uncovering why your deepest desires revolve around another person in your life. You're very young. There should be a lot more to you than this preoccupation. I'm referring specifically to your comment that this is all you know to make you happy (second parag).

  11. #10
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Multiple accounts are not allowed...Thread closed.


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