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Thread: Dating for 4 months now! Right time to ask her to be official?

  1. #1
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    Dating for 4 months now! Right time to ask her to be official?

    So I met this girl in mid May and it's approaching 4 months we've been dating now, it started off quite slow with one thing and another (she had a holiday in June, went to a festival for a week, then ended up in hospital through much of July), but it finally feels in the past month or so that we've really started to make some progress.

    We've actually probably seen each other close to 15 times now and dates have ranged from meals to nights out, I took her to the races for the day, and also a couple of weeks back we went to a gig for the night. I've also been round to hers on a few occasions and met the family meanwhile she's slept at mine and met my parents too. In terms of 'closeness' we've made out on pretty much every date and while we haven't 'done the deed' yet we've done more than kissing when she's slept at mine put it that way.

    She's going on holiday for 2 weeks on 13th Sep and I'm hoping to see her a couple of times before then (tomorrow we're off for a meal then hopefully one night next week before she leaves) and I'm really not wanting this to drag on until after as it will be then October. She's definitely thinking long term because a few days ago she asked me about going to a scarefest the weekend before halloween, and also I have my driving test in november and she's been on about going car shopping with me once I pass, so she obviously still sees us been an item then. Plus certainly in the past couple of weeks the messages have got a lot more personal such as her calling me her sweet and hearts in every one etc..

    I'm quite an anxious and shy person as it is which is probably why I've left it off this long, plus she's out of my league it's so obvious and she even told me a couple of her mates have made comments saying that (but said she doesn't see what they're on about). Plus she sent a message last week saying she loves how slow we've taken things so far, which makes it seem like she's glad I haven't asked yet..?

    Reading all the above do you think it's about time I asked? A few of my mates think she's just waiting to be asked and I should get on with it, but then why would she make comments like she loves how slow we're taking it? Any advice would be good as don't want to blow it either way!

    EDIT: One thing I have noticed a couple of times is her refer to me as a mate/friend to people but I'm not sure if this is just her being cautious until I ask? As an example she sent her auntie of photo of us a couple of weeks back and her autie was like 'aww so does this mean you two are official now then?' to which she replied like 'no just friends hehe' and then just last week we went on a double date with her best friend and a lad shes seeing, but when someone from work messaged her 'who you out with' she replied with 'some mates' rather than something like 'some mates plus the lad I'm dating'. I'm prob reading too much in to this one as if she only saw me as a friend she wouldn't call me her sweet and put all the hearts on every message sleep in my bed etc.. Is she just waiting for me to ask?
    Last edited by Liv9943; 09-04-2019 at 06:09 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    What do you mean by ask her out? Last time I checked ask out means ask a girl on a date. Seems you've been doing that and things are coming along slowly but nicely. Soooo.... what are you really asking here?

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    What do you mean by ask her out? Last time I checked ask out means ask a girl on a date. Seems you've been doing that and things are coming along slowly but nicely. Soooo.... what are you really asking here?
    Sorry I've changed the title I mean ask her to be official! As in bf and gf...

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Oh well sure go for it. Certainly has been long enough by now.
    Oh and about the auntie thing, I think she is giving you plenty of a green light and waiting for you to ask and make it official, but since you haven't yet....you are technically not a bf/gf so she was being honest.

    Anyway, the road to clarity is just ask for what you want.

    If you get it, you gain. If you don't, you are exactly in the same place you were yesterday - meaning that you haven't lost anything. You literally have nothing to lose.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'm in agreement with DancingFool.

    Sure, I could join you in your rabbit hole of picking apart her language with auntie, and so on, but that's a rabbit hole with no end that doesn't do anyone any favors. You like her. You want to be exclusive. It's been four months—great, mature pace. If she's not game right now it's unlikely to be because you spoke too soon, but...well, no point really going there. Tell her how you feel, see what she says. In the grand scheme of life it's a win-win, no matter where the chips fall.

    For whatever it's worth? My girlfriend and I still talk about enjoying the measured pace in which we're taking things, and we had the "official" chat something like four months ago. It didn't drastically change or accelerate things, just gave us both a nice little foothold to keep doing what we were doing, marking us as being on the same page and allowing us to keep turning the next pages together, at the pace that works for us.


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