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Thread: Why would a woman agree to be a married man's side girl?

  1. #11
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    Here's just a few reasons among MANY:

    1. He LIES and she doesn't KNOW he is married/has a GF- my own ex-husband lied about being married and would even take off his ring to meet women (I found out thru a friend that he hit on her and asked her to hook up at a bar- sans ring. Apparently, he didn't remember she was my friend and that he met her once). And even if the man ADMITS he is married, it often is accompanied by " My wife doesn't understand/fulfill/appreciate/sleep with me" - So men who LIE is a big thing.

    2. She doesn't care (And if a MM is asking a woman to be his side chick- he likewise doesn't care!)

    3. I know it seems strange, but some people purposefully PICK an attached person because they are "safe" from any major commitment- HINT- Not everyone WANTS a big commitment. To them, it's like, "Awesome! I get the sex, they have to sit around with in-laws" "Status" means nothing to some people. You can't attach your own values to others- not everyone cares about having a "conventional" or "traditional" relationship. A lot of people LIKE sex with no other baggage. They do not WANT to spend 12 hours a day with them or go to social events.


    * Number 2 can be applied to men or women. I am a happily married woman. I have had a LOT of "happily" married men (who also know I'm happily married, btw) - ask me if I'd like to have a tryst with them. My answer is ALWAYS No- but Sometimes they get VERY persistent, even after several NO's! from me. Most of time, these men tell me that they have NO intention of leaving their wife, they just wanna have some "fun". They WANT someone to just have fun with and not "go to parties and family BBQ's with" I would never cheat on my husband. I sometimes wonder about the women that say yes- How many of these men's wives would blame the women and NOT THEIR HUSBAND?????? Especially when some of these women have NO idea that they ARE a "side chick"?

    Also, being married isn't some "protection" that people think it is. If someone doesn't respect monogamous sexual limitations- then they will not care if YOU are married OR THEY are married. Or BOTH. (I've actually had a few choice scumbags say as part of their "charming" plea, "I'm glad you're married, cause if we sleep together and you get pregnant, everything's okay." SUPER CHARMING pick up line)

    Younger girlfriend: "I can't wait until I am married so other men will never make suggestive overtures or try to sleep with me EVER again!"

    ME: *LAUGHING* " Oh, sweet Summer child"

  2. #12
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    My friend had an affair with a married man. She even had his baby.

    She was in her middle 30s and feared she would never get married or have a baby. She was getting into one night stands, one after another, for years searching for love and marriage. She convinced herself this married man would leave his wife to be with her (she told me she KNEW FOR A FACT they would be together). He never did. Now she's a single mom and she will get no child support from him because he's already supporting his wife and children and the OTHER child another one of his mistresses gave birth to a few months ago.

    She just wanted love and marriage and hadn't been able to find it, so she scraped the bottom of the barrel.

    She does have her adorable child though, so all was not lost. I have no idea what she plans to tell the child about its father when the time comes..

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    In the case of a friend of mine, it was a combination of low self-esteem, extreme loneliness (she had never had a relationship) and the fact that the MM pursed her relentlessly.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Why are you asking?

    Just curious your motivation for the question.
    OPer seems to have a tendency of asking controversial questions then kinda slinking away.

    FWIW, I agree completely with this:

    Originally Posted by j.man
    It's not too difficult if we bother to look at women as sexual creatures just as well. They may not even want to spend holidays with the guy or introduce him to their family and friends. In fact, but for him being attractive and a good lay, his personality might have precluded them from having any sort of relations. A good many have no moral issue being complicit as they see the marriage and cheating as the husband's responsibility, and thus not their problem. Maybe they appreciate the reliable sex on the side why they themselves look for a more serious relationship. I'm not saying I morally agree with any of it, but insofar as you're confused why they'd engage with no promise or even possibility if it getting any deeper, there are 1,001 reasons.

    Then you get some occasions where people might call it low self-esteem, while I'd consider it a pretty extreme level of hubris that they assume themselves such a catch they'd win out over the wife and kids. I think you get a few women out there who legit are so emotionally unhealthy they can't reasonably be even held fractionally accountable for their participation, but I think we tend to use it as an excuse to infatilize ladies when we should probably allow them the basic respect of acknowledging they know what they're getting themselves into and have made their own assessments.

    For the record, this all swings both ways. I dare to say if an incredibly attractive married woman propositioned a guy to have sex with her once a week somewhere, you'd get plenty of willing participants.
    At the end of the day there are any number of reason why women get with married men just like why men get with married women, happens with both sexes, huge variations of reasons.

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  6. #15
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    No self respect, low self esteem and emotionally unavailable.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Some people hold a fantasy the she (or he) can 'win' the disloyal lover away from the unfortunate partner. Problem is, even if that happens, they lose. It doesn't take long to occur to them that they can't trust the lover once their back is turned. Kind of a poetic reward.

  8. #17
    Silver Member JamesDE's Avatar
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    I know someone who is in a marriage but wants out. She asks for her husband to leave her, but he says no, so she dates other people. Why? To alleviate her frustration of feeling caged in. It's not healthy for those she dates, but it is what she does so not to break up her family. She gravitates towards men who are in a relationship that isn't working. People just do what they are going to do, but if you wait around they find find it isn't what they are looking for. It's sad, but it's what they do to feel better and to fulfill their desire to be single. And, in a way, it's safe. If it doesn't work out, their married. In her case, she's currently happy with it. I would stay away from it, however; it goes sour eventually. I'm glad this wasn't my issue, but it was a temptation.

  9. #18
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    So, this woman is actually someone I know.

    Her ex boyfriend dumped her 4+ years for another girl. In the beginning, his new girlfriend allowed them to remain friends. This woman kept calling her ex hoping that he would get back together with her. She used death in the family, her poor health, her unhappy job, etc to get his attention and sympathy. Finally his new girlfriend got upset and said no contact. This is how the 'secret' relationship began. Their contacts are brief, but she still waits and hopes he will dump his new girlfriend to come back to her. It's been over four years, he's still with his girlfriend. Their encounters are still brief. Yet she still has hope that he will come back to her. She spends her birthday and all holidays alone. She has tried dating or just sleeping with other men, but those relationships never last more than a few months. She has moved closer to him (she used to live one hour away, now lives 10 mins away). It's been over four years, yet she doesn't understand that he won't ever go back to her. From the looks of things, this guy will marry his girlfriend soon. He's not wealthy, so I know it's not about money. He's not extremely good looking. There is nothing that he has that other men don't have.. so why can't this woman leave him?

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by mrfloydian
    Why would a woman agree to be a man's side girl, knowing that he has a girlfriend/wife?

    She knows that he can't spend major holidays with her, no birthday celebrations, no introduction to his family or friends. He can only talk to her and be with her when his girlfriend/wife is not available and for only a short period of time.

    Why would any woman, knowing all that, subject herself to such a relationship?
    Maybe she likes the sex or figures it's better than being alone -who knows?

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by mrfloydian
    So, this woman is actually someone I know.

    Her ex boyfriend dumped her 4+ years for another girl. In the beginning, his new girlfriend allowed them to remain friends. This woman kept calling her ex hoping that he would get back together with her. She used death in the family, her poor health, her unhappy job, etc to get his attention and sympathy. Finally his new girlfriend got upset and said no contact. This is how the 'secret' relationship began. Their contacts are brief, but she still waits and hopes he will dump his new girlfriend to come back to her. It's been over four years, he's still with his girlfriend. Their encounters are still brief. Yet she still has hope that he will come back to her. She spends her birthday and all holidays alone. She has tried dating or just sleeping with other men, but those relationships never last more than a few months. She has moved closer to him (she used to live one hour away, now lives 10 mins away). It's been over four years, yet she doesn't understand that he won't ever go back to her. From the looks of things, this guy will marry his girlfriend soon. He's not wealthy, so I know it's not about money. He's not extremely good looking. There is nothing that he has that other men don't have.. so why can't this woman leave him?
    Oh well that's an easy one. She can use her "but I love him" excuse to avoid getting close to other people - she gets to long and yearn and feel sorry for herself and take on the challenge of trying to get him back and she doesn't have to do the work -on herself to be the right person to find the right person or the work involved in forming, developing, maintaining a rel relationship. Also no one has to spend birthdays or holidays alone just because they don't have a romantic partner. They can spend them alone if that pleases them - it may -or they can spend them volunteering, or meeting with family or friends. Many do this - not sure what it has to do with having a romantic partner.

    Of course she understands he won't come back to her. She just chooses not to focus on that understanding because she wants an excuse to keep things safe and easy by being into him from a distance.

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