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Thread: He's stopped pursuing contact, what should I do?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Heather Dawn
    It's been a few months and you haven't met in person? Yeesh. He's probably lost interest and/or met someone in person.
    Well just to clarify I met him a few months ago. But then I myself decided to cut him off because I got annoyed about something. But came back in touch with him, by that time he was on the defence. He wasn't very happy anyway that i did that to the point where he said he didnt think things would go anywhere between us perhaps because of the on n off behaviour which I was guilty of.

    Aftrr that he just seemed very untrusting and on his guard basically.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Savanna
    Well just to clarify I met him a few months ago.
    Was this on a dating app?

    EDIT: However you met, I'd suggest that you save the defintion of "meeting" someone for people you meet face to face, unless a phone-only relationship is your goal. Is that your goal, either with him or in general?

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Was this on a dating app?

    EDIT: However you met, I'd suggest that you save the defintion of "meeting" someone for people you meet face to face, unless a phone-only relationship is your goal. Is that your goal, either with him or in general?
    Yeh it was an online thing. Not that I need it it's just I thought I'd give it a try given the convenience.

    Well of course a phone only relationship isn't the goal I do meet people in person.

  4. #14
    Bronze Member WaywardKiwi's Avatar
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    Hi Savanna,

    Just my take, but it seems like he was pursuing and showing interest, and even went as far as to express he wanted more than you were giving. You also admit you have blown a bit hot and cold with him. I guess if I imagine this was his thread, with just the facts as you have presented here, he would be hearing a lot of 'she's not interested' responses. I don't forsee him pursuing you now, as it doesn't really sound like you have giving him much to want to pursue. I imagine his interest has faded, and really the question is do you want to spark it up again.

    To be honest, in these types of 'waiting for some signal of interest' threads, my opinion is usually to just put your cards on the table or walk away. If you actually are interested in him, and honestly think maybe you haven't been signalling that very clearly, then why not just make it clear? I would go with something like - "Hey, I'm sorry, I know I haven't been really clear here, but I have really enjoyed getting to know you and would love to have the chance to meet up and see if there is anything there." If he is open to this, go straight to organising the when and where. And if you are genuinely interested, make the effort to be then and there. Personally, I just think this 'showing interest/whos turn is it to message' dance is rarely that productive, especially when it reaches the point you are here asking about it.

    And of course, if your not that fussed that's fine too, just move on. No need to over think it - his interest is fading.

    Best of luck whatever you decide,

    T

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Great advice from WaywardKiwi.

    You guys are kind of stuck in the weird place that online connections can create—the "training wheels" version of connecting and dating, as I think of it. You don't know each other, aren't dating, aren't in any kind of relationship, and yet you're acting as if you are, much the way someone riding a bike with training wheels gets the sensation of riding one without actually doing so. Think about that for a minute. It's like you're using this whole thing as a place to feel like you're in a relationship with someone when the only goal should be seeing if you both want to really meet, in person, and see if you have any interest in meeting again.

    Maybe he's lost interest. Maybe he's met someone else. No big deal. Were he writing on here for the past few months I'd certainly be advising him to keep chatting with others, since this Savana option seems dicey: hot one day, cold the next, pretty keen on throwing up walls and only really interested the moment he fades a bit. Then again, I'd give you the same advice.

    So, yeah, if you want to see what's what it's time to put the cards on the table. If he's down to meet up, great. If he's not, equally great. Means you get to let go of the digital charade in favor of actually meeting someone rather than "meeting" someone.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you met in person? Dating is neither texting nor calling. Dating is meeting in person.
    Originally Posted by Savanna
    he got fed up at one point and basically said he refuses to be a texting buddy.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Savanna
    I told him it's fine and tht life gets in the way sometimes, that night he then said i should let him know when I'm free and he will call me. Unfortunately I got back home quite late tht night and knocked out so the next day I texted and told him I was sorry but I fell asleep. He said it's fine and not to worry. Fast forward five days and I have not heard from him. Since i broke the silence last time I'm sort of waiting on him to contact me.
    I don't really know what to do from here. Is he still interested but just wants me to pursue him or something or has he given up?
    So things got off to a really bumpy start. You are trying to get this back on track and end up falling asleep when he was going to call. You text him back (after he told you he didn't care for all the texting) telling him what happened and from there you are sitting back and wondering why he hasn't called . . . again?

    He's not looking for you to pursue him. This isn't a game. He's looking for an equitable exchange and similar interest.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 09-04-2019 at 12:21 PM.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    So things got off to a really bumpy start. You are trying to get this back on track and end up falling asleep when he was going to call. You tell him what happened and from there and are sitting back and wondering why he hasn't called . . . again?

    He's not looking for you to pursue him. This isn't a game. He's looking for an equitable exchange and similar interest.
    Yes I agree. How did you feel about being "chased" by him? Is that something you like, dislike, etc?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    The fact you havent met him tells us a lot. There's always the possibility he's not available, he could be married or living with someone or just not who he says he is. Cut your losses and move on.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    The fact you havent met him tells us a lot. There's always the possibility he's not available, he could be married or living with someone or just not who he says he is. Cut your losses and move on.
    All this back and forth and already it's gone off the rails.
    Not many would consider even meeting if this very simple exchange can't fly straight.

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