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Thread: What should i do? Should i tell him,Is he even Bi

  1. #1
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    What should i do? Should i tell him,Is he even Bi

    I would like apologize first,for my bad english.I am not a native english speaker.I am a 22 year old young man and i am currently in college.

    So my story is about a guy who i met about 3 years ago.He is also 22.I was introduced to him by one of my classmates,just after we started college.We became friends,but i didn't like him very much those days.We were not very close,he actually annoyed me a little bit.His family was not well up so i helped him with a lot of stuff,almost everything,until i helped him get himself a part time job.He was really grateful for it,he still mentions that i mean a lot to him,and that i am very important in his life.


    2 years passed and i still didn't feel anything for him,Until he started flirting with me.I don't remember when it exactly started,but i just know that it was him who started it.I don't want to go into a lot of details,but i will mention some of the the things that said.He would text me and say that he knows i miss him,and that it was ok to tell him.He would also tell me that he missed me a lot.Sometimes he would say that he missed my voice.He did this almost everytime he texted or called me,but i didnt even think much about this because i didnt like him that way,sometimes it annoyed me and i wouldn't reply.

    It kept happening and i kept hoping that it would stop,but it didn't.Even when i showed that i was feeling uncomfortable with him flirting with me like that,he didn't stop..But i slowly started to like it,and sometimes i would reply that i missed him too,and that he could call and hear my voice whenever he missed it.We started to have a very strong relationship,he became more than a friend.Everytime he came from work he would tell me everything that happened,and if there is someone who made him angry,or if he had a tight schedule and was stressed about it.

    I started to have strong feelings about him,i started to see how cute he was..and how much i missed him when he wasn't there.Sometimes i get angry when he takes time to reply to my messages,but i don't show him that.I started to flirt back and it came to a point where we would talk like an actual couple.It didn't go anywhere though,and we did it mostly on texts.The problem is that now i don't know how to get things back to normal,i feel like i should tell him how much i love him.I have tried to,i told him that i wanted to tell him something,that i have been thinking about for so long,he was so intrested to hear what i was going to say,but i didn't tell him because i am afraid to ruin our friendship.That day he got so didsapointed that i didnt say whatever i wanted to say,he acted like he knew what i was going to tell him.I think that is because i had revealed too much in my texs.

    So from that day i keep telling him that i want to tell him something.Last week he asked me why i am not saying it,and i said 'you wouldn't like it,and you definitely wouldn't like what i want to do to you'He said 'you might be surprised'..And this other day i literally asked him if it was wrong that i find him attractive,and he said that it was very wrong in evry way,but he wasn't very serious about it.So this is why i haven't told him anything yet because he kind of sends mixed signals.And he also has a girlfriend,that he last saw about 3 years ago because she is studying abroad (Another reason why i haven't said anything).He doesn't ever talk to me about his girlfriend,i actually found out by mistake that he has one,he never talks about his relationships with me,he says that he respects me that's why he doesn't talk about it.He also cares too too much about me,like if i say that i am hungry,he sends me money right away,even if it's the last cent left in his wallet..He says he does that because he is returning the favour.He also gets jealous when i am with other guys,well that's just judging by what he says.I know this one might be irrelevant,but he literally calls my name in every text..Every single text,even when he doesn't have to..There are a lot of things,some i forgot to mention

    I can't stand this,the relationship is so unhealthy..I have tried to move away,he texted me and asked why i was shutting him down.I don't know what to do anymore.I get so depressed when he takes time before he replies my texts,or when his girlfriend calls and i am around..I just really want to tell him but i am afraid of what will happen,,I have a feeling that he knows i like him,and is waiting for me to make the first move.I dont know what to do..please help.Should i tell him..

    by the way,he thinks that i am straight..Thank you to those who will reply and i am very very sorry about my poor english.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He sounds like a vampire. I believe you need garlic on hand. Be mindful of people who suck the life out of you and don't offer anything legitimate in return. He may be somewhere on the spectrum (sexuality-speaking) but you should already know from his actions he's not to be trusted. Leave him alone and mind your own business. If you need money, start working a job that pays the bills while in college. Don't expect handouts from anyone.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JoshuaT
    he never talks about his relationships with me,he says that he respects me that's why he doesn't talk about it.He also cares too too much about me,
    This man neither cares about your or respects you or his girlfriend for that matter.

    What he cares about is the attention he seeks. He's manipulative and deceitful. If he cared about you, he wouldn't be toying with you.

    How would you feel if your boyfriend was doing the same thing with another woman behind your back?

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    I agree with the previous replies you got. This person is toxic. He is indeed sucking your energy and he sounds narcissistic. The fact that you didn't like him at the beginning was probably your instinct trying to warn you. In my personal experience, first impressions are often accurate.

    In addition, this is a person who is emotionally cheating on his girlfriend and keeps playing head games with you behind her back. Regardless of his sexual orientation, this is a major character flaw and you are very right that your relationship is unhealthy. Even if you were to get together make no mistake, in time he would come to treat you as badly as he is treating her. Whether he thinks you are straight or gay doesn't excuse his behaviour in any way.

    Imo, you need to end contact with this guy once and for all. And in the future, you should never keep investing emotionally/ pursuing someone once you find out that they are in a relationship with somebody else. It's bad Karma.

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    thank you very much for your reply,and i totally agree with you..I just needed someone to say this out loud..I guess my only problem now is finding ways to get rid of him.I have tried that before,he always comes back and asks why i am shutting him out.Thank you

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    Thank you very much,I think you misread somewhere.I do not expect handouts from anyone,i go to work.But thank you for your advice

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JoshuaT
    I guess my only problem now is finding ways to get rid of him.I have tried that before,he always comes back and asks why i am shutting him out.Thank you
    Getting rid of him is simple but it requires consistent behaviour on your part no matter what he texts, says or does. If asked again about shutting him out, you can reply just once that you feel that your friendship is no longer healthy for you therefore you are terminating it and goodbye but then you need to stop replying/ elaborating/ engaging him no matter what he texts/says/does. No further explanations are required past that point.

    You need to stop replying/stop explaining yourself and block him from your phone and all your social media no matter how many times he comes back. Once you make the decision to consistently ignore all his communication attempts and stick to it no matter what, it will no longer matter what he does.

    The answer to dilemmas such as yours is always "do not reply, do not engage, delete and block". Your mistake is in replying because replying to him leads back to cycles. You have every right not to reply. You have every right to extract him from your life unilaterally. His agreement is not needed. In reality it's about you making the decision to stop replying no matter what he does and applying it consistently.
    Last edited by Clio; 09-04-2019 at 02:18 AM.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you have a crush on him? Why don't you distance yourself from this guy and get on some gay dating apps as well as joining some LGBT friendly groups and clubs so you don't have to hide or play games and you can just be yourself? Don't chase people who you want to change or convert to something. Be yourself. decide what you want and pursue that. Don't waste time and energy on fruitless situations.

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    Thank you very much,Clio.I really appreciate.I am going to try to do everything that you have said,and i will update you what would have happened.Thank you

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    I do have a crush on him.No,i am not trying to change him,he is the one who started the mind games.I will try to distance myself from him,thank you very much for your advice


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