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Thread: are we FWB? Are we in a situationship ?am I his rebound? Is he bored or? Help

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Wow. "white guys"? If you feel any guy regardless of demographics is a flavor of the month type, don't date or hook up with them. It's that simple.
    Originally Posted by violetsanx
    I'm of South Asian heritage and he's white, and I was wondering if he's only seeing me because he wanted something different?

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Wow. "white guys"? If you feel any guy regardless of demographics is a flavor of the month type, don't date or hook up with them. It's that simple.
    Yeah I was thinking too how she's talking about the whole "white" and "Asian" thing. She also said to him herself that she can't be seen with him because her parents want her to date Asian guys. I mean who wants to hear that? I think that's very off putting.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Definitely seems quite racist.
    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Yeah I was thinking too how she's talking about the whole "white" and "Asian" thing. She also said to him herself that she can't be seen with him because her parents want her to date Asian guys. I mean who wants to hear that? I think that's very off putting.

  4. #14
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    Holly I agree with you. OP I agree with the others who said some variation of "why buy the cow" and, sure, telling someone that they are good enough to hook up with but not good enough to meet family down the road is not particularly endearing or consistent with someone who claims to be looking for a relationship. And no the "yet" doesn't help at all. I would not date anyone who you can't be seen with for whatever reason. (with the exception being people who wait to introduce to family or kids etc -I get that but that has to do with keeping your private life private from family who might start making wedding plans not because of potential conflict).

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    You can't expect to be taken seriously when you treat someone like that.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    OP, if you want a real committed relationship, then act accordingly.

    That means go on dates and get to know the guy before you go over to his place and have sex. You already know that doesn't work for you.....so how many times you do need to stick your hand in the fire and get burned before you learn?

    Look for a guy who will date you - meaning set up regular dates, show genuine interest in getting to know and see you in person. Someone who is considerate of you and what you want. You seriously need to raise your bar and your expectations here. This guy took you out on a one date, then basically started asking for a quick lay and you simply went along with that. He didn't even take you out on another date, just ask you to come be his groupie at whatever. That's sad. Have some self respect to see this kind of garbage behavior for what it is and simply say no to it. You teach people how to treat you and you are teaching that you will totally put with garbage.

    Understand that lots of texting early on means nothing. He can text you and a dozen other women while sitting on the john while his gf/wife is in the house. Beware of getting caught up in texting and taking it for something more than just idle chatter. Texting doesn't mean caring. Always pay more attention to what a man does rather than words. Be sure that words and actions always align.

    Finally, communication. Stop with reading tea leaves and hoping that couply behavior means you are a couple. That will get you in trouble and lead to pain and confusion every.single.time. Be clear about what YOU want, where YOU stand, and what YOU will and will not do and when.....and also match your words with your actions. If sex early on leads to premature attachment, then DON'T go to the guy's house or invite him to yours until you are actually ready for it, he has been vetted, you are both clear where you stand and what you two actually are. Walk your own talk. Stop acting like bad things just happen to you. They don't. You are actively allowing it and participating in it. Accepting what you know will be bad for you. Why do you do this to yourself is a question you might want to explore. Learn how to say NO - it's the most powerful word in the world.

  8. #17
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    You told him you can't be seem with him yet, so I am not sure what you expect him to do with that. Even if he wanted to take you on a proper date, would you be able to accept?

    I don't think he's overly interested if you have only met 4 times in 2 months, in any event. That's not exactly acting like a couple, particularly given how close you live to each other. He also knows there are cultural customs that limit your ability and willingness to date him, so I imagine he's not exactly picturing a future with you. It's complicated right out of the gate. I get that your parents might have an entirely different set of expectations from yours but it still influences your behaviour to the degree that you have to keep him a secret and won't be seen in public with him. That's not going to appeal to many guys, I'm afraid.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Seeing you can't put the horse back in the barn, there is no reason you can't act on your accord at this point. If it means dialing things back so you don't feel so vulnerable, than that's what you do.

    I've done it before. "I am sorry, I made mistake. I am hard wired to only have sex with someone when there is an agreement of exclusivity. I thought I could do this, but the truth is, I can't. It's seems we may have missed a step or two here, so I am going to either dial my part back or bow out entirely"

  10. #19
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    Why are you dating outside of your race if there is no possibility of a future?

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    I'm sorry, but I'll never understand why one finds it difficult/too early to ask a simple question, yet by the same token find it not too early to sleep together.

    I may get slammed for this, but it's a matter of "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?"

    JMO...
    Totally agree!!!!

    Can share body fluids, but not ask a simple question.

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