Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 26 of 26

Thread: Should one ever do "no contact"?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,075
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by saluk
    I like what you say after this but I am confused. What do you mean by pressing the reverse button? And how can you give the cold shoulder in a relationship... when you are not in a relationship. Someone says they don't want to date you anymore, that usually means - surprisingly - they don't want to date you anymore. If the further contact is going to be of the form "are you sure you don't want to date me?" or "look at all the great things about me, don't you think you want me back now?" that's one sided and disingenuous. Even if you can maintain something resembling friendship, those old feelings have a habit of popping back up when you least expect it and hurting you all over again.
    Pardon, sorry for the confusion. What I meant were the implications of "no contact" as it's been frequently used in the past few years to re-attract a lost lover. I think the difficulty here also is that a lot of individuals are not recognizing when a relationship is completely over. My application of "cold shoulder" is meant to imply that illusion of a relationship when there is no relationship in the first place. I was in the mind of someone who is hurt. In other words, I don't agree with the way it is used to appear as a cold shoulder in order to re-attract the emotions or affections of a lost lover. We are in the same line of thought, just describing it in different ways.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,090
    It really depends on what your motive for NC is.

    NC is a passive aggressive move. It tells others to go away and don't come back into their lives permanently. If this is your goal, then go NC.

    I wouldn't use NC as a form of manipulation and mind games though because that's dumb and counterproductive.

    If you have to resort to NC, then you've chosen the wrong person to be in your life in the first place.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    2,124
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Pardon, sorry for the confusion. What I meant were the implications of "no contact" as it's been frequently used in the past few years to re-attract a lost lover. I think the difficulty here also is that a lot of individuals are not recognizing when a relationship is completely over. My application of "cold shoulder" is meant to imply that illusion of a relationship when there is no relationship in the first place. I was in the mind of someone who is hurt. In other words, I don't agree with the way it is used to appear as a cold shoulder in order to re-attract the emotions or affections of a lost lover. We are in the same line of thought, just describing it in different ways.
    Makes sense thanks :)

    Yeah using no contact as a lure is just going to be going through the tough work of no contact, but without going through the emotional growth that no contact gives you the space to go through. And then you are going to come around and go, "so, do you miss me?" or look at facebook/instagram or whatever (which is actually breaking my definition of no contact) and try to read tea leaves to find out whether or not your manipulation game is "working".

    There is no point to that noise.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,879
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I have requested privacy after a break up and what that means is mutual respect in the healing process. This has worked best for me.
    I like this a lot. It's always worked for me too—just seemed like the obvious path and a pretty easy one for people to respect.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,196
    Gender
    Female
    I can only speak for myself. I'm not interested in anyone who's not 'all in' with me, and I'm nobody's sycophant. If someone believes that they want out, or they're on the fence, I let them go figure that out.

    I want no part of influencing that decision. Otherwise, how could I trust it?

    Divergence can be a natural occurrence in any long term relationship as two people change their focus and priorities at any given time. I've learned how to let people go. Time teaches that the ones who matter most will cycle back around someday. I've had plenty of old friendships rekindle and more than my share of exes try to return again.

    No contact brings a new perspective on whether you really WANT someone back in your life.

    Adopt resilience and surprise yourself. Read my sig.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,543
    If someone believes that they want out, or they're on the fence, I let them go figure that out.

    I want no part of influencing that decision. Otherwise, how could I trust it?
    I like this, especially the last part. Anytime I have ever attempted to influence or manipulate the outcome of a relationship I have ended up unhappy. If a relationship is meant to be then it will flow with ease (for the most part) because both people are putting energy into making it succeed.

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •