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Thread: How easy is it to meet someone when travelling?

  1. #41
    Platinum Member
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    Cant it be that he keeps daily contact because he wants to? Because he misses me? Why must I have imposed such expectation? Believe it or not I didn't and i would be fine if he wasnt doing it.
    In fact I'm well aware of my issue and I go great length to avoid looking like a needy and controlling gf. No matter how worried I actually am, all I've said to him is " enjoy the trip and I will miss you ".

    Lots of advices here are great and very soothing :) and my bf is telling me more and more that he misses me ;)
    Wonderful -I misunderstood what you wrote. It's totally fine if he wants to be in contact daily and if you like that -whatever works!

  2. #42
    Platinum Member
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    Cant it be that he keeps daily contact because he wants to? Because he misses me? Why must I have imposed such expectation? Believe it or not I didn't and i would be fine if he wasnt doing it.
    In fact I'm well aware of my issue and I go great length to avoid looking like a needy and controlling gf. No matter how worried I actually am, all I've said to him is " enjoy the trip and I will miss you ".

    Lots of advices here are great and very soothing :) and my bf is telling me more and more that he misses me ;)
    So you're no longer worried he will fall in love with someone else while on this trip?

    Hopefully you won't put yourself through this self torture ever again.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I think most of us have moments like this in relationships, especially in our younger days—and, yeah, whole relationships that rise and fall—that hopefully teach us what's worth getting in a tizzy about what tizzies are worth learning to not care about.

    When I was a freshman in college, for instance, I was jealous of dudes my girlfriend had slept with before I knew she walked the planet, because sex was new for me, a Big Deal, and I still kind of couldn't imagine it was a thing that women in general and she in particular were up for doing with me; today I literally couldn't imagine feeling like that about any woman, and laugh at that jittery, prying boy I once was. Of course, she had to date that jittery and prying boy—belated apologies, S, wherever you are!—which had its shortcomings. For her. For me. Helped set the expiration date of that fluttery union.

    That's all easy for me to shrug off today—I was 17 then, am 39 now—but I've been on this site enough, and in life, to see plenty of men my age still acting that way about women, inside relationships. Jittery. Judgmental. Guided by insecurity, mistaking insecurity for connection, and looking for people who will validate that instead of outgrowing it. Seen women who operate much the same way and have dated some as an adult—for very, very brief periods. It can get nasty, and isn't a cakewalk even when it's pretty subtle. Let too much of things like jealousy, possessiveness, assumptions, suspicions, and insecurity into the thing we call love and you tend to get a love that curdles instead of simmers.

    Point being, hopefully in all that going to "great length to avoid looking like a needy and controlling gf" you can become that, genuinely, with him. If not? That's generally either a sign that the match isn't right or that you've got some reflecting and growing to do, so you can be that person in general. I've long thought of anxiety as a great indicator of both those things in romance, rather than a sign that something special is happening.

    That's not saying what you have is fragile or anything. Six months is new, and someone going away is hard. Just something to think about as the gears spin.

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