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Thread: How easy is it to meet someone when travelling?

  1. #21
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    Two more weeks till he's back. Although I tell myself every day that it's unlikely he meets the love of his life on a tour bus, I still feel stressed sometimes when im alone and hes partying.
    we talk a bit every day, but we can't talk a lot due to time difference plus his busy schedules so I guess I can't count on that to make me feel close. And something tells me it's a bad idea to I tell him I worry he meets someone and grows attractions

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Worried about what? Tell him what? That you don't trust him? Yeah that will insure that he just cuts his losses, ends it and frees himself from the chains of your insecurities. He's not your therapist. Tell your therapist about any insecurities and jealousy you have. If someone whats to cheat they are not going to announce it nor will any "lighthearted" quips prevent it. Be nonchalant. Do not contact him while he's away, if he contacts you be friendly, not heavy.
    Originally Posted by h0000
    So how should I behave when hes away? Should I tell him I'm worried?

  3. #23
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    I don't understand why I cannot cannot contact him while he's away

  4. #24
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    And something tells me it's a bad idea to I tell him I worry he meets someone and grows attractions
    Listen to that.

    I understand missing someone, but I can't quite understand the obsessive thoughts that they'll meet someone else. Is this line of thinking typical for you in relationships? If so, that's something to explore.

    You are, right now, building the foundation of a relationship. Telling him, even in the most calculated of lighthearted of ways, that you don't trust him and that being with him does not make you self-confident, is not a great foundation. Think about it that way, maybe. Rather than worrying about him, ask yourself who you want to be—out in the world, in relationships, this one and ones in general—and then take steps to be that person. She's the one you can control.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You can, but wait for him to contact you first and do not mention your jealousy.
    Originally Posted by h0000
    I don't understand why I cannot cannot contact him while he's away

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    Two more weeks till he's back. Although I tell myself every day that it's unlikely he meets the love of his life on a tour bus, I still feel stressed sometimes when im alone and hes partying.
    we talk a bit every day, but we can't talk a lot due to time difference plus his busy schedules so I guess I can't count on that to make me feel close. And something tells me it's a bad idea to I tell him I worry he meets someone and grows attractions
    Of course it's unfair to subject him to your anxiety -he's not your parent or therapist and let him enjoy his vacation -give him twice the space he seems to need if he seems to need space to be away -i would assume that's part of it -he wants to get away on vacation. Normal. I cannot believe he's contacting you as much as he is -it's his vacation -time for him to get away from it all. Subjecting him to your concerns would be self-absorbed/selfish.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    So how should I behave when hes away? Should I tell him I'm worried? In a light hearted way? Or should I just keep all the thoughts to myself?
    If you have to tell him you feel insecure and mistrusting, have that talk when he returns.

    By telling him when hes in the middle of his trip it's just a bad attempt at trying to control the situation and seek reassurance.

    I doubt he'll take it well.
    I'm currently on a girls trip now. I'd be annoyed if my boyfriend called me with these ideas in his head and telling me he felt insecure. If he felt I'd be easily tempted, then he'd basically be challenging my integrity.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I don't think you have to hang back and only wait for him to contact you. You are two adult humans, six months into dating. You can say hi, he can say hi. You can be two people who like each other, one of whom is on a trip. Hopefully he's having a blast, and it's worth taking a moment to ask yourself why that can't be what's most important to you, the thing you want to bring up in a lighthearted way rather than your fears, suspicions, insecurities.

    I'll ask again: Is this your standard frame of mind in romance? Do you assume all men will cheat? Are you finding yourself tempted by other guys while he's away?

    There are other ways to be—in romance, relationships, and your own skin. Right now you're presented with a great opportunity to cultivate another—one that will allow for greater inner stability and a deeper connection with others. I'd really try to look at it like that, and find peace there.

  10. #29
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    If you went away on a trip would you be searching the tour bus for men to sleep with ? Or to fall in love with?

    If not, why do you presume his moral compass is so off that he's doing either of those things? And if you don't feel he's a trustworthy, moral person why are you in a relationship with him?

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    So how should I behave when hes away? Should I tell him I'm worried? In a light hearted way? Or should I just keep all the thoughts to myself?
    Hang out with your friends. I think you really need to get out more and balance your relationship with other aspects of your life. I wouldn't make this an issue when there is no issue in the first place. It's not healthy and do not go down this road. If you chit chat while he's out, be mindful of time differences while on the phone.

    Check in with each other and meet up after he comes back. Don't have long drawn out overdramatic conversations with arguments over text or when he's traveling. There's something messed up in the way you expect the worst when someone's traveling. I'm curious if you've seen something happen to others or has someone cheated on you in the past while out of town? Have you seen your parents do this?

    It's generally never a good idea to believe anyone is at your beck and call. Be respectful to each other.

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