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Thread: How to tell a friend that Iím not going to take her to the musical...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Friendship is a two way street and if she doesnít want to be a good friend, you donít owe her a thing. Donít feel bad

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Go with the friend you prefer going with. Life is far too short to spend your free time with someone you feel ďtepidĒ about. Next time this type of thing comes about just answer something vague and donít make any commitments with one person. She sounds a tad full of herself anyway. No one wants to be around that.
    I agree. Do not put any more thought into this. Remember, you are trying to distance yourself.

  3. #13
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Go with the friend you prefer going with. Life is far too short to spend your free time with someone you feel ďtepidĒ about. Next time this type of thing comes about just answer something vague and donít make any commitments with one person. She sounds a tad full of herself anyway. No one wants to be around that.
    Thank you, Rose Mosse. Yes, I totally spoke impulsively and shouldnít have. She is very full of ego and I know that many of us can be at times and I donít at all fault her for being how she is. I just hate to hurt people but you are right. Thank you.

  4. #14
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Friendship is a two way street and if she doesnít want to be a good friend, you donít owe her a thing. Donít feel bad
    Thank you, MLD :-)

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  6. #15
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    How to tell a friend that Iím not going to take her to the musical...

    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I agree. Do not put any more thought into this. Remember, you are trying to distance yourself.
    Thank you, Holly- I spent many years not wanting to distance myself from people that I needed to because I never wanted them to feel badly. But I am better at being selective now. I am supposed to see her for something she invited me to at the end of the month ago which makes this tricky. Her boyfriend didnít want to go to this thing and so she asked me which makes me feel doubly bad but again, all of that inviting took place way back when we were hanging out more... so I will have to figure out how to maneuvre that as well.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Itís ok. This sounds like a fun concert. You should be happy. Thereís nothing to worry about and you should go out and enjoy yourselves. This all will pass and there will be more events to spend with other friends like this other one. Thereís only so much you can do to make up for someone elseís not so nice personality. Go and have fun. Be free.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Nebraskagirl14
    Thank you, Holly- I spent many years not wanting to distance myself from people that I needed to because I never wanted them to feel badly. But I am better at being selective now. I am supposed to see her for something she invited me to at the end of the month ago which makes this tricky. Her boyfriend didnít want to go to this thing and so she asked me which makes me feel doubly bad but again, all of that inviting took place way back when we were hanging out more... so I will have to figure out how to maneuvre that as well.
    Did she buy tickets? Has she mentioned it?

  9. #18
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    If she hasn't mentioned the musical, and hasn't been in touch for months, she's probably forgotten all about it. Don't say anything more about it, and if she raises it as an issue, pretend you'd forgotten. As mustlovedogs suggests, go out for a coffee instead.

    I have a (now) ex-friend who used to treat me in a very cavalier fashion unless she wanted something; I participated in the 'friendship' largely because I'd known her for years and years, and then at times I'd just get fed up and write her off. On very rare occasions I'd get a call from her, and the contact would resume, with the same outcomes. Last time I saw her she was just SO obnoxious I decided that enough was enough; was polite when she next phoned but didn't agree to meet, and didn't leave her with any contact details when I moved house. That was about six years ago.

    I guess I had some unconscious idea that if you've known someone for a long time you have some kind of duty to them. You really don't.

    You may have said you'd take her to the show, and it would be different if she'd paid for the ticket and you'd taken care of the actual purchase - but it sounds as though this was planned in your own mind as a treat. This is the kind of treat which might be appropriate for someone you're close to, but it sounds as though she's chosen to keep her distance - and that's on her. Basically - you owe her nothing, and there's no need to feel guilty for not upholding your side of a bargain which probably never mattered to her in the first place.

    You sound very conscientious and thoughtful about your friendships, and it's easy to think that other people are, too. It doesn't sound as though this girl cares about the friendship the way you do, so don't feel obligated to her.

  10. #19
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    How to tell a friend that Iím not going to take her to the musical...

    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Did she buy tickets? Has she mentioned it?
    No, I bought the tickets and she hasnít mentioned it once. Oh, sorry! For the other event? Yes, she already had tickets. She had planned to go with her boyfriend but decided he wouldnít appreciate it so she asked me. Actually, two of our other friends bought four tickets, two for them and two for my friend and her bf, originally.

  11. #20
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nutbrownhare
    If she hasn't mentioned the musical, and hasn't been in touch for months, she's probably forgotten all about it. Don't say anything more about it, and if she raises it as an issue, pretend you'd forgotten. As mustlovedogs suggests, go out for a coffee instead.

    I have a (now) ex-friend who used to treat me in a very cavalier fashion unless she wanted something; I participated in the 'friendship' largely because I'd known her for years and years, and then at times I'd just get fed up and write her off. On very rare occasions I'd get a call from her, and the contact would resume, with the same outcomes. Last time I saw her she was just SO obnoxious I decided that enough was enough; was polite when she next phoned but didn't agree to meet, and didn't leave her with any contact details when I moved house. That was about six years ago.

    I guess I had some unconscious idea that if you've known someone for a long time you have some kind of duty to them. You really don't.

    You may have said you'd take her to the show, and it would be different if she'd paid for the ticket and you'd taken care of the actual purchase - but it sounds as though this was planned in your own mind as a treat. This is the kind of treat which might be appropriate for someone you're close to, but it sounds as though she's chosen to keep her distance - and that's on her. Basically - you owe her nothing, and there's no need to feel guilty for not upholding your side of a bargain which probably never mattered to her in the first place.

    You sound very conscientious and thoughtful about your friendships, and it's easy to think that other people are, too. It doesn't sound as though this girl cares about the friendship the way you do, so don't feel obligated to her.
    Thank you, nutbrownhare :-) Yeah, these things can be hard!! I never want to hurt people but I also want to surround myself with healthy and positive friendships. Thank you for your anecdote as well!!

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