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Thread: Creating more boundaries and disentangling my life from hers

  1. #81
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Never share accounts (and passwords) with anyone. Ever. Except inside your own household/family. Change the Netflix password asap. Really, for a few bucks a month all this nonsense? While not illegal it is against their terms of service and when people outside of your household log in they have records of that. It's simple. Just stop the sharing and freeloading.

    Tell them you got a notice from Netflix that they will cancel your account if you continue to violate their terms of service. Because it happens all the time. They track every user, every device, every login, etc. Also in the US the IRS would be on your and her case for fraud. You pay your taxes, she pays hers. If she is an employee and you take taxes out that is different. If she is a contractor she must pay her own taxes. Why do illegal stuff for people? No one needs friends that badly, right?
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    one of her daughters uses my NetfIix account with my permission. Then her grandson started using my Netflix and I would not be able to use my account because all 3 would be using it, sooooo I upgraded my account.

  2. #82
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    I know a lot of posters are piling on that she is a user and ditch her....but slightly different take on this.

    She comes across to me from what you've written as simply a flaky, ditzy, not very smart about life and money kind of a person. This is why she is where she is in life. Her priorities are simple as well. Her kids, then friends, then everything else. Overall, a bit of a tumbleweed rolling in whatever direction the wind blows. These are her downsides and again, why she is where she is in life. Does that make her bad person or a user? I don't think so. I doubt she is smart enough to be malignant like that.

    Anyway, my point is that friends come with good sides and bad and we all kind of navigate that in a take what works and dodge what doesn't manner. I have a friend who is always always always dating toxic men. She is really a good friend to me, I enjoy her company and doing things together but I've simply learned to steer the conversation away from her dating life and just not get involved. No advice, limited shoulder to cry on before I cut bait and run. Whatever drives her to make those choices, I'm not her psychiatrist and can't solve her issues. Soooooo.....maybe frame this friendship for yourself in a similar way? These are the thing you enjoy doing with her, so you'll keep doing them. These are the things you don't want to deal with, so disengage.

    Like if you want to go see a horror movie and the "price" is you have to pick her up and drive both of you, it's worth it sometimes because really it's doing what you want with company who gets it and enjoys it with you. Making more serious plans.....you know she is a flake, soooo if the plans are such that you have to have reliability, don't invite her. If it's something where +/- 1 or 2 people makes no real difference, invite her and if she flakes, who cares.

    The Netflix thing, just tell her you decided to cancel it and you already have good advice on how to change passwords and disconnect from devices and offload her and her offspring from that.

    The daycare situation.....I mean it sounds like a mutually beneficial arrangement, especially with the neighbor willing to help out. If hiring a full time person formally would cost you more than what you are doing currently....then it is what it is. You aren't really being charitable, you are very much benefiting yourself.
    Bingo. She isnít malicious . And yes the business IS mutually beneficial. She really needs the money and I need someone to work.

    It is a good friendship when there are not monkey wrenches thrown in. And youíre right she isnít well educated. She married for the first time at 17 and one day he just didnít come home from work and disappeared. The next time she married she was 20. She doesnít plan ahead well. She is a nice person though.

  3. #83
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Never share accounts (and passwords) with anyone. Ever. Except inside your own household/family. Change the Netflix password asap. Really, for a few bucks a month all this nonsense? While not illegal it is against their terms of service and when people outside of your household log in they have records of that. It's simple. Just stop the sharing and freeloading.

    Tell them you got a notice from Netflix that they will cancel your account if you continue to violate their terms of service. Because it happens all the time. They track every user, every device, every login, etc. Also in the US the IRS would be on your and her case for fraud. You pay your taxes, she pays hers. If she is an employee and you take taxes out that is different. If she is a contractor she must pay her own taxes. Why do illegal stuff for people? No one needs friends that badly, right?
    The thing is the taxes are paid. It is not like they are not getting the money. The clients get their tax receipt in Feb. I file the full amount in April. And I either owe or the government owes me.

  4. #84
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    Wiseman is referring to giving you excuses to say. We are not giving you accounting advice, other than you shouldn't have to subsidize your friendship with Netflix and paid taxes. She's not your kid.

  5.  

  6. #85
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    True. I realize.

    In Oct it is her daughterís birthday so I will gift her a Netflix card and change my password.
    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    Wiseman is referring to giving you excuses to say. We are not giving you accounting advice, other than you shouldn't have to subsidize your friendship with Netflix and paid taxes. She's not your kid.

  7. #86
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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    Wiseman is referring to giving you excuses to say. We are not giving you accounting advice, other than you shouldn't have to subsidize your friendship with Netflix and paid taxes. She's not your kid.
    Agree with this. Taxes should be coming out of her paycheck, not out of your pocket. Stop it. Now.

  8. #87
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Agree with this. Taxes should be coming out of her paycheck, not out of your pocket. Stop it. Now.
    If I understand it correctly, it's actually easier and way cheaper for the OP to do things the way she is doing it rather than what you are suggesting.

    As for her flaking out.....you kind of have to pretty much expect that from her and anticipate it as much as you can. Besides that, just as a practical matter, you do need to have some kind of a plan B and even plan C and D anyway. She can get sick, she can move, etc., etc., etc. Things happen even if she was 100% reliable. This is more like business growing/learning pains. Even if OP had a full time reliable as a rock employee, still things happen, people get sick, move, get into accidents, have problems, quit without notice, etc. You just have to kind of learn how to navigate and mitigate that. It's always a headache no matter what business, no matter how many employees you have, etc.

  9. #88
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    If I understand it correctly, it's actually easier and way cheaper for the OP to do things the way she is doing it rather than what you are suggesting.

    As for her flaking out.....you kind of have to pretty much expect that from her and anticipate it as much as you can. Besides that, just as a practical matter, you do need to have some kind of a plan B and even plan C and D anyway. She can get sick, she can move, etc., etc., etc. Things happen even if she was 100% reliable. This is more like business growing/learning pains. Even if OP had a full time reliable as a rock employee, still things happen, people get sick, move, get into accidents, have problems, quit without notice, etc. You just have to kind of learn how to navigate and mitigate that. It's always a headache no matter what business, no matter how many employees you have, etc.
    Other things can happen for sure but not moving. We are more likely to move we are military sheís been here since sheís been four years old and sheís 67 . All her children are here and her grandchildren are here her sisters and brothers and cousins . We are just military transplants .

  10. #89
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    It's tax fraud in the US if a person is being paid for work but not reporting that income. I'm not sure what the laws are in Canada.

  11. #90
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    The thing is I am paying the tax for the entire amount. The government isnít being screwed if anything my husband and I are because it bumps us into another tax bracket .
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    It's tax fraud in the US if a person is being paid for work but not reporting that income. I'm not sure what the laws are in Canada.

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