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Thread: Creating more boundaries and disentangling my life from hers

  1. #71
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Kids get new teachers all the time. If she is only around part time anyway, and someone new comes on, you can tell the kids when a new person comes"Mrs. Nancy is going to be taking care of you now. Mrs. Nancy has a parrot and cat. Isn't that cool?" And if they ask where Mrs. Becky is, you say "Mrs. Becky is driving a bus now". or whatever you want to say.

    I would move her immediately down to part time as far as cutting her days and stop carrying her taxes.

    Her daughter being a mooch is not your concern. Like mother, like daughter.
    The thing is she works under the table. She agreed to less than the going wage. If I get someone and pay the going wage I might as well close because I wouldnít be able to operate. The person would make more than me. I wouldnít even have operational costs. Min wage here going up to $15 an hour has broken small business. Many many many have closed just in this town.

  2. #72
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    The thing is she works under the table. She agreed to less than the going wage. If I get someone and pay the going wage I might as well close because I wouldnít be able to operate. The person would make more than me. I wouldnít even have operational costs. Min wage here going up to $15 an hour has broken small business. Many many many have closed just in this town.
    Then hire someone part time. Someone who is available mornings while their own kid is in school to help you during the busy rush, or someone who is available afternoons during the busy time. There are people that work as lunch aids or playground aids at school who have free mornings or free afternoons after lunch. Or is there a qualified parent who just needs care half the day for their child due to overlapping work schedules with their spouse and in exchange for their child attending daycare in the mornings, they work, with their child their also during your busy afternoon time?

  3. #73
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Then hire someone part time. Someone who is available mornings while their own kid is in school to help you during the busy rush, or someone who is available afternoons during the busy time. There are people that work as lunch aids or playground aids at school who have free mornings or free afternoons after lunch. Or is there a qualified parent who just needs care half the day for their child due to overlapping work schedules with their spouse and in exchange for their child attending daycare in the mornings, they work, with their child their also during your busy afternoon time?
    My daycare is full. I canít take another child. My neighbour who is a registered early childhood educator can sometimes help me out .

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    My daycare is full. I canít take another child. My neighbour who is a registered early childhood educator can sometimes help me out .
    Well then there you go. That sounds like a good solution.

    If you add another person, would that able you to add 1-2 children to justify their pay?

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  6. #75
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    No, as an unlicensed daycare I can only have 5 children wether it is just me or 5 adults . The law states a home daycare can only have 5.
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Well then there you go. That sounds like a good solution.

    If you add another person, would that able you to add 1-2 children to justify their pay?

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    If she's working under the table why would you be paying payroll taxes for her?

  9. #78
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    I claim all the income. Everything the daycare makes I claim as income even what I give her .
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    If she's working under the table why would you be paying payroll taxes for her?

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    I know a lot of posters are piling on that she is a user and ditch her....but slightly different take on this.

    She comes across to me from what you've written as simply a flaky, ditzy, not very smart about life and money kind of a person. This is why she is where she is in life. Her priorities are simple as well. Her kids, then friends, then everything else. Overall, a bit of a tumbleweed rolling in whatever direction the wind blows. These are her downsides and again, why she is where she is in life. Does that make her bad person or a user? I don't think so. I doubt she is smart enough to be malignant like that.

    Anyway, my point is that friends come with good sides and bad and we all kind of navigate that in a take what works and dodge what doesn't manner. I have a friend who is always always always dating toxic men. She is really a good friend to me, I enjoy her company and doing things together but I've simply learned to steer the conversation away from her dating life and just not get involved. No advice, limited shoulder to cry on before I cut bait and run. Whatever drives her to make those choices, I'm not her psychiatrist and can't solve her issues. Soooooo.....maybe frame this friendship for yourself in a similar way? These are the thing you enjoy doing with her, so you'll keep doing them. These are the things you don't want to deal with, so disengage.

    Like if you want to go see a horror movie and the "price" is you have to pick her up and drive both of you, it's worth it sometimes because really it's doing what you want with company who gets it and enjoys it with you. Making more serious plans.....you know she is a flake, soooo if the plans are such that you have to have reliability, don't invite her. If it's something where +/- 1 or 2 people makes no real difference, invite her and if she flakes, who cares.

    The Netflix thing, just tell her you decided to cancel it and you already have good advice on how to change passwords and disconnect from devices and offload her and her offspring from that.

    The daycare situation.....I mean it sounds like a mutually beneficial arrangement, especially with the neighbor willing to help out. If hiring a full time person formally would cost you more than what you are doing currently....then it is what it is. You aren't really being charitable, you are very much benefiting yourself.

  11. #80
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    Just tell her your credit card number got hacked, and you need to update your Netflix account info when the card comes in, and what-not. Then change the password, and don't bring it up every again. And if they ask, say you aren't sure about Netflix anymore, and may try something, but not sure, then change the subject.

    As far as the wedding goes, you go.

    With the income tax, tell her your accountant told you that she needs to start paying her own income tax reasons, or you might get audited. Then, stop paying for it. The gravy train stops her, Seraphim!!

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