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Thread: Creating more boundaries and disentangling my life from hers

  1. #21
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    One question:

    What do you get out of this "friendship"?

    She gets netflix, a job, you paying her taxes (did I read that right???), a shoulder.....

    But dear Seraphim.....what do YOU get?

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I see.

    You really need to change things. Their free Netflix needs to stop. I would also readdress the tax situation and using her as an employee if she is not reliable. i think she has taken advantage of your kindness. It is also not cool that she cancels plans when the daughter gets involved.

    You really need to assert some boundaries.

    What do you get out of this friendship?
    What I am getting out of it at this point is what I am wondering.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    One question:

    What do you get out of this "friendship"?

    She gets netflix, a job, you paying her taxes (did I read that right???), a shoulder.....

    But dear Seraphim.....what do YOU get?
    That is what I am wondering. We both like similar things . We both have autistic children . But she raises her child one way and I raise mine another . And we both donít agree about that .

    But Iím just really wondering what Iím getting at this point .

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    What I am getting out of it at this point is what I am wondering.
    Sadly, I can be one to stick around beyond the expiry point, but getting better.

    I think you really need to focus on why you are staying, and doing so much for this woman.

  5.  

  6. #25
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    That is the crux of it isnít it?
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Sadly, I can be one to stick around beyond the export point, but getting better.

    I think you really need to focus on why you are staying, and doing so much for this woman.

  7. #26
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    I presume you've looked into codependency.

    Do you fear losing the friendship or that she'll "get mad" if you stop supplementing her income or pay her entertainment expenses?

    I have a friend who asked to borrow money to pay rent. I lent it to her. She did pay it back. However she was posting on Facebook asking people where she could find good prices for airline tickets to the Caribbean! A week later she asked to borrow money again. I said no. She hasn't spoken to me since. Another friend who only contacted me if she needed something. No big loss IMO.

    And I used to struggle with codependency, but something had to give.

  8. #27
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    You are so being used. Time to change your NetFlix password and give the kid a gift card for her own account. Stop being so easy to manipulate. I get you want to be friends but you really need to pull back and stop this!

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I presume you've looked into codependency.

    Do you fear losing the friendship or that she'll "get mad" if you stop supplementing her income or pay her entertainment expenses?

    I have a friend who asked to borrow money to pay rent. I lent it to her. She did pay it back. However she was posting on Facebook asking people where she could find good prices for airline tickets to the Caribbean! A week later she asked to borrow money again. I said no. She hasn't spoken to me since. Another friend who only contacted me if she needed something. No big loss IMO.

    And I used to struggle with codependency, but something had to give.
    It may be a fear of a shrinking support system . As a military spouse every time you move you have to keep putting yourself out there . So having a support system one day and then you could find out any day that itís gone . Friends get harder to make as you age I think . And most of my military spouse sisters are at least 20 years younger than me and have tons of little kids and canít do anything . When I can go out and do something they are putting kids to bed canít leave because the spouse isnít there and they have kids . We are at the same stage in life we have adult children . We also have children with the same disability . We greatly enjoy the same entertainment .

  10. #29
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    We both have a great love of horror movies none of my other friends do even my husband despises it. And I hate his choice of movies so we never go to the movies together .

  11. #30
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    I don't think you should continue with a user friend because you friend network is getting smaller.

    Do you have any free time to do new activities to meet people?

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