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Thread: Creating more boundaries and disentangling my life from hers

  1. #91
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    The thing is I am paying the tax for the entire amount. The government isnít being screwed if anything my husband and I are because it bumps us into another tax bracket .
    I get it that you feel like her flaking out on you feels kind of like a betrayal and it feels bad and hurtful.....buuut...you also know deep down it's just her being her and not really malicious and personal against you. So can you forgive her and work around that?

    Also, regarding taxes, math is math. Either you are better off the way you are doing things or you are not. Numbers aren't emotional, so if you do the math, how does it look for you? Are you better off or worse off?

    Basically, if you remove emotions from the equation, do you benefit from this arrangement financially and otherwise? Also can you forgive a flaky person for being....themselves....?

  2. #92
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    I get it that you feel like her flaking out on you feels kind of like a betrayal and it feels bad and hurtful.....buuut...you also know deep down it's just her being her and not really malicious and personal against you. So can you forgive her and work around that?

    Also, regarding taxes, math is math. Either you are better off the way you are doing things or you are not. Numbers aren't emotional, so if you do the math, how does it look for you? Are you better off or worse off?

    Basically, if you remove emotions from the equation, do you benefit from this arrangement financially and otherwise? Also can you forgive a flaky person for being....themselves....?
    Yes, we are both better off for the arrangement. I can forgive it because I know where her panic comes from . It comes from having nothing her whole life. I gave her the opportunity to improve her circumstances a bit. And she allows me to run my business better. So it is mutually beneficial. She just really wants to help her kids. When her twins were 16 she had to split them up and send one to live with their dad because she could not afford both anymore. That is the one getting married who had to live with her dad. She feels horrible guilt for it so she wants to give this kid the best wedding she can.

  3. #93
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Yes, we are both better off for the arrangement. I can forgive it because I know where her panic comes from . It comes from having nothing her whole life. I gave her the opportunity to improve her circumstances a bit. And she allows me to run my business better. So it is mutually beneficial. She just really wants to help her kids. When her twins were 16 she had to split them up and send one to live with their dad because she could not afford both anymore. That is the one getting married who had to live with her dad. She feels horrible guilt for it so she wants to give this kid the best wedding she can.
    Wow....she is carrying quite a burden of guilt..... So there you have it. The arrangement is still beneficial and if you adjust your expectations of her, I think you'll feel less hurt about it so it will make it easier on you. She has made a lot of bad decisions in her life and it's not about to change, mostly because she just isn't that smart or capable. You take the good, you accept the bad...unless the bad outweighs the good at some point. Right now....it's just not that point.

    Forgive, adjust, move froward. At least that's what I'd do in your shoes simply because it's all still beneficial both ways. Your energy and emotions are better spent on securing plans B and C in case of something catastrophic and sounds like this situation really pushed you to work on that and that's a good thing in a way.

  4. #94
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Wow....she is carrying quite a burden of guilt..... So there you have it. The arrangement is still beneficial and if you adjust your expectations of her, I think you'll feel less hurt about it so it will make it easier on you. She has made a lot of bad decisions in her life and it's not about to change, mostly because she just isn't that smart or capable. You take the good, you accept the bad...unless the bad outweighs the good at some point. Right now....it's just not that point.

    Forgive, adjust, move froward. At least that's what I'd do in your shoes simply because it's all still beneficial both ways. Your energy and emotions are better spent on securing plans B and C in case of something catastrophic and sounds like this situation really pushed you to work on that and that's a good thing in a way.
    Yes, that is the way I feel today about it. She is not a bad person. She is a person with very little in panic mode. True , and I hate to say it because she feels horrible about herself already. She always says , I am so stupid. She isnít as smart as I am it is true, but it doesnít make her a bad person or friend. She is very very well liked by a great many because she accepts everyone. And I donít need to have every friend be intellectual. We have friends for different needs. For instance she is very intuitive. And we have fun together .

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  6. #95
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I would do whatever it takes to maintain your childcare business with fairness to all parties. You're the boss and you're the one who has to keep your business afloat so do whatever it takes to survive. It's business. I'm sure you'll be fair minded to this woman.

  7. #96
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I am really done and over it . Maybe she is a user after all. The other day she text me that she felt I didnít pay her enough. Not only is she not at work and tell me her employer when she will come to work now she feels that because I have another child in the daycare she feels she should share in the profit because you know I make great money.

    She knows I am in a weak position right now with my momís fatal prognosis and both mine and my husbandís fathers in the hospital waiting for nursing homes. And my blood pressure so high I could have a stroke.

    As my mom told me yesterday she is just in it for what she can get from you .

    Done done done.

    Yesterday I cut them off Netflix. I am not driving her any place and I will pay her until I get a replacement then it will be a one hour notice like she did to me and left me scrambling.

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