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Thread: emotionally supporting a friend when you are running on empty?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You need to stop all of the helping. it is not good for her! You are sounding co dependent.

    How old is she where she needs to pass out on your sofa?
    She's old enough to know better; she's pushing 60. She stays here because she's terribly lonely & in the winter she doesn't always have sufficient heat.

    I'm not going to stop all the helping. I am not about to watch her starve or freeze to death. I'm having trouble leaving her crying. Do you actually think I could not feed her?

    Yes she needs to fix her own life but at this juncture I believe her mental illness are so entrenched she may not be capable of helping herself.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by TeeDee
    She's old enough to know better; she's pushing 60. She stays here because she's terribly lonely & in the winter she doesn't always have sufficient heat.

    I'm not going to stop all the helping. I am not about to watch her starve or freeze to death. I'm having trouble leaving her crying. Do you actually think I could not feed her?

    Yes she needs to fix her own life but at this juncture I believe her mental illness are so entrenched she may not be capable of helping herself.
    Then I would find her the government and/or community resources that can help her.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Then I would find her the government and/or community resources that can help her.
    I have tried. My husband filled out the forms for her. She gets VA benefits. The local police & fire are WELL AWARE of her. Every church in the area knows of her needs. The folks in the local emergency room know her by name.

    I don't mean to sound ungrateful to the people who offer suggestions. I know I take on more of her issues then I should. That is my choice. But yesterday I felt bad because I was at my limit.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by TeeDee
    I have tried. My husband filled out the forms for her. She gets VA benefits. The local police & fire are WELL AWARE of her. Every church in the area knows of her needs. The folks in the local emergency room know her by name.

    I don't mean to sound ungrateful to the people who offer suggestions. I know I take on more of her issues then I should. That is my choice. But yesterday I felt bad because I was at my limit.
    Then you know she will not starve or freeze to death with all those resources. If she asks repeat the relevant phone number to her or text it to her by a link.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by TeeDee
    She's old enough to know better; she's pushing 60. She stays here because she's terribly lonely & in the winter she doesn't always have sufficient heat.

    I'm not going to stop all the helping. I am not about to watch her starve or freeze to death. I'm having trouble leaving her crying. Do you actually think I could not feed her?

    Yes she needs to fix her own life but at this juncture I believe her mental illness are so entrenched she may not be capable of helping herself.
    You have to be kidding! I thought she was in her early 20's.

    She will never learn to help herself, if you keep supporting her in this manner. There are government agencies for this. Are you going to do this until she is 80? You are enabling her, and that is not good. You are sounding very co dependent.

  7. #16
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    What do you get out of this friendship? Was she like this when you met her? How long have you known her?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    What do you get out of this friendship? Was she like this when you met her? How long have you known her?
    No she wasn't like this when I met her. Her daughter was still alive then. All of this was a spiral down after that tragedy. I've probably known her for 15 years.

    I actually get a lot from her friendship. She is a kind, generous person who gives of herself. She would give a stranger the shirt off her back. She was my friend when few other women in this town would give me the time of day. When I moved here I was unmarried. I still don't have kids. Around here, that makes me a husband stealing 5-letter word beginning with "w" meaning promiscuous.

    She knows "everybody" and has introduced me to dozens of people, helping me to fit in and make new friends.

    She is very intelligent & a good conversationalist.

    When my parents died she was supportive & helpful. She's the first person to check on us after a storm.

    Believe it or not, she's reliable. If I need somebody to wait for the plumber or cable repair person while my husband & I go to work, she's there for me.

    All in all she is a good person.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by TeeDee
    No she wasn't like this when I met her. Her daughter was still alive then. All of this was a spiral down after that tragedy. I've probably known her for 15 years.

    I actually get a lot from her friendship. She is a kind, generous person who gives of herself. She would give a stranger the shirt off her back. She was my friend when few other women in this town would give me the time of day. When I moved here I was unmarried. I still don't have kids. Around here, that makes me a husband stealing 5-letter word beginning with "w" meaning promiscuous.

    She knows "everybody" and has introduced me to dozens of people, helping me to fit in and make new friends.

    She is very intelligent & a good conversationalist.

    When my parents died she was supportive & helpful. She's the first person to check on us after a storm.

    Believe it or not, she's reliable. If I need somebody to wait for the plumber or cable repair person while my husband & I go to work, she's there for me.

    All in all she is a good person.
    Then yes you should reciprocate. But not more then or try to replace the government/community.

  10. #19
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    Has she tried to seek any therapy? She needs professional help.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Has she tried to seek any therapy? She needs professional help.
    She doesn't believe in therapy. That is her choice. Like I said she does attend a bereavement support group at a local church. She puts one foot in front of the other every day & is actually less depressed then I am most of the time. She is genuinely a positive person.

    Again this isn't about her. She's not here posting. I am the one asking for reassurance that last night when I left her in tears that I was not a bad, selfish, unsupportive person.

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