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Thread: Should I contact my ex best friend?

  1. #1

    Should I contact my ex best friend?

    I used to be friends with this girl for 5 years and in that time period we became really close. She was my best friend and we would talk everyday and we really connected. In 2017, we both were being cyberstalked by someone. It was really bad and the harassment would happen everyday. To make a long story short, after we stopped being friends I found out the cyberstalker was my ex-boyfriend, someone who had bothered us in the past and someone who she absolutely hated. At the end of our friendship in 2017, she got a message from him telling her that me and him were still dating behind her back. She ended up believing it, got fed up with everything and blocked me on everything. I havent heard from her since. I didn't reach out because I was really frustrated and upset that she would do that. I never even got to tell her that he was the one cyberstalking us. I only saw her once when I parked next to her in a parking lot by accident 5 months after the end. She just looked at me and drove away really quickly. That really hurt. I think about this whole thing often and I always debate on weither I should reach out to her again or not. I would like to write her a whole e-mail explaning everything but I dont know if she would react badly to it or if its even worth it at this point. I feel like she really hates me.

  2. #2
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    I wouldn't bother.

    It's odd to me that she would be so bent out of shape about your ex that she would block you and end the friendship - particularly when you had never even informed her that he was the one harassing the both of you.

    Had you two had other arguments or falling-outs before this?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    If you still want to send an email then do it for closure. It's doubtful it will change her mind, because it's taken you 2 years to come forward with your explanation. Hey it's worth a shot....if nothing comes of it at least you made peace with it.

  4. #4
    Thanks for your response. We have. Something similar to this happened before and she did the same exact thing. Block me on everything for a while. We ended up being friends again when she reached out though.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I would unblock her if she’s an old friend and let her reach out to you. It sounds like she’s in a bit of a huff and a puff. If you desperately feel something is missing in your life, an email might clear the air. I’d just be prepared that you might get a biting remark from her or silence. If you’re willing to take that risk the old friendship may be worth it.

    I wouldn’t contact her if you still have a cyberstalker on your tail. Has that been sorted? Don’t let your life affect someone else negatively if you can help it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    It sounds as though she already knew that she was being harassed by your ex. How else could he have accessed someone who hated him to tell her anything? So she had had enough and cut you off, likely because her friendship with you was the source of that problem--and you don't know how frightened of the guy she may have been.

    If you opt to contact her, I'd skip the stuff about how hurt you are that she dropped you. Guilt is not an inspiring motivator toward anything, so don't try to pull that angle. Instead, go nostalgic. You can mention a song or movie that reminded you of her, and you'll always cherish the great memories the two of you shared. Mention some of those, and end with an apology for causing her unwanted drama. Tell her that you hope someday she'll consider letting you make it up to her.

    That's the deepest degree I'd venture into sour territory. If the goal is to coax her back, recognize that people move toward pleasure and away from pain. Dregdging up painful stuff in an email will NOT work. It will come off like a justification for trying to make her feel guilty, and that will have the opposite impact you might intend.

    Leave the garbage of the past in the past, and encourage her, instead, to recall the good times.

    Good luck, and fingers crossed for you.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. She may simply feel safer without you or your exbf in her life. She is wise to block you along with him and anyone else associated with him.

    Don't try to change this, just move forward. What you can do is reset All your privacy settings on all your social media, messaging apps and devices. Do not post a lot of personal info, whereabouts, etc. Use discretion and smarts when using social media.

    Revise your setting to only allow known people to view your content or contact you. Never Ever use a site's or device's defaults. in
    Originally Posted by wildheart10
    after we stopped being friends I found out the cyberstalker was my ex-boyfriend, someone who had bothered us in the past and someone who she absolutely hated. At the end of our friendship in 2017, she got a message from him telling her that me and him were still dating behind her back. She ended up believing it, got fed up with everything and blocked me on everything.


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