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Thread: I am a fool but I love him.

  1. #1

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    I am a fool but I love him.

    Me and D was together for a year when our little girl was born. Things were great, until DV started. D got arrested in Oct 16 and found guilty so we broke up for a while at that period. Then started seeing each other for a while a few months later, then found out I was pregnant. He wanted to keep it but I didn't because we had a newly 1 year old and our lives weren't stable to bring another child into it. So I chose to abort, and then we broke up from then. We got back together around Christmas 17 and then DV started again, really bad. He got arrested Jan 18 and found not guilty so he was released Feb 18. We started seeing each other again a few months later, and things were really good. But then the cheating started. He ended up giving me chlamydia so we stopped seeing each other for a while. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend on my birthday, then broke up with me the next day. But we have been on and off seeing each other ever since.. So here comes the advice that I need. In the past 15 months, he's only ever asked me to be his girlfriend once and then broke up with me hours later. In the past 15 months we've been seeing each other but ended every couple months because I found him speaking / meeting up with other girls. He always uses the excuse that we aren't together so he can do whatever he wants with who he wants so it's not cheating technically. Even though we've been seeing each other for 15 months, have a child together and have previously been together for 2 years before he was sent to prison. I feel like I can't let go of him because he has dragged me down so much I don't think I have the strength to say no to him. But he carries on doing it to me cos he gets away with it every time because 'we aren't technically together'. What do you think I should do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Forget about him. I know it's gonna be hard especially since you have a child together.

    This is not making you happy and you deserve way better. You have to believe you deserve better, I'd start therapy to fix that.

    I'm so sorry you're going through this.

  3. #3
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    He only gets away with it because YOU allow it.
    Luckily your child is young enough not to remember.
    Hopefully you have the sense to not allow your child to see a guy treat you that way?

    Does this deadbeat even pay child support? I somehow doubt it?
    Get rid of him. Stop allowing him access to your child until the courts say what access he is entitled to?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Move in with trusted friends or family. Get a restraining order in place that is solid. You need to protect your child before CPS takes her away because you are failing to provide an appropriate environment. Stay away from drugs and drinking, if that is involved.

    Go to court to get sole custody of your child and only supervised visitation. You also must apply for child support on behalf of your child. Get to a doctor for a complete checkup and STD testing. Get a referral to a therapist. Be honest with your doctor, trusted friends and family about the abuse.

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  6. #5
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    Yes, you can lose your child if you continue to expose her/him to a domestic violence situation. And what if he starts in on the child?

    Why do you keep returning to a man who beats you? And a better reason than "but I LOVE him!!!" or "I want us to be a FAMILY!!!", please.

  7. #6
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    Where is the birth control? How irresponsible! I still can't believe you got pregnant three months in. Really irresponsible to have a child with a stranger! He beats you and you keep on going back??

    This guy is such a complete LOSER. Abusive, In and out of jail, disease carrier, and big time cheater. What do you love about him? Where is your self respect. Be done with him romantically!

    How does this loser support himself? How do you support yourself?

    You are being a very bad parent being exposing your child to all of this. Time to think of your kid, and not yourself. End it with this guy!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Domestic violence, cheating, prison stints, multiple break ups. Yet, you blame him even though it's you who is making the informed choice of going back for more time after time. If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same result. You need to change. You need to stop taking him back. If available, you need to seek professional support.

    As others said, you are not alone anymore. Your child depends on you to become a good role model and provide a stable environment. Domestic violence is a huge RED flag. You should keep away from this guy no matter what. The safety and well-being of your child depends on it. That thought alone should give you the strength to say no.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    I am a fool but I love him.

    Originally Posted by Clio
    Domestic violence, cheating, prison stints, multiple break ups. Yet, you blame him even though it's you who is making the informed choice of going back for more time after time. If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same result. You need to change. You need to stop taking him back. If available, you need to seek professional support.

    As others said, you are not alone anymore. Your child depends on you to become a good role model and provide a stable environment. Domestic violence is a huge RED flag. You should keep away from this guy no matter what. The safety and well-being of your child depends on it. That thought alone should give you the strength to say no.
    This I know of a young woman who has been through much the same thing. If you have an addiction to a person, there are people you can talk to. People really do get addicted to other people. Because there is a child involved, you MUST put your child first and not go back into a damaging situation.

  10. #9
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    You have to find a way to get out of that. Sounds very toxic. Iíve been there. But no children involve so i understand that itís hard to leave but you have to find strength. Especially for your child. You can do it! You deserve happiness


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