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Thread: Please help me move on from a crush

  1. #1
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    Please help me move on from a crush

    Hi everyone. So I have a crush on this girl I met through my gym whom I see once a week. Ever since I had my first conversation with her I've been kind of infatuated with her. My heart flutters every time I see her and hear her voice. The problem however is that I'm one month out of a break up, and I also think this girl only likes me as a friend. So I want to move on from her.

    I tried not communicating with her at the gym to move on, then I figured that I would come off as hostile to her and I really don't want to make her uncomfortable by coming off as passive aggressive.

    So my plan was to text and her let her know what's going on, that I like her but I want to move on, so I won't be talking to her as much for a while and not to take it personally.

    Do you guys think this is a good idea? If not please let me know what I can do about this.

    Attending a different gym or on different days is not an option for me for various reasons.

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No. You're not even dating no less in a relationship and she's not your therapist, so no need to go into any of this. Be friendly, maybe have a coffee, but no heavy talks. keep it light and if the time comes, ask her out.. Never talk about exes, your broken heart or relationship problems with someone you wish to date.
    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    I'm one month out of a break up, and I also think this girl only likes me as a friend.
    So my plan was to text and her let her know what's going on, that I like her but I want to move on, so I won't be talking to her as much for a while and not to take it personally.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I know what you are trying to do...see what kind of reaction you might get from her that could look promising. Just stop. If you like her, you ask her out. and like Wiseman2 mentioned, no heavy emotional conversations about the breakup or anything else that is negative...such a turn off. You must be confident, upbeat and positive...and be a little mysterious. Remember only cowards send text messages...talk to her in person.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member WaywardKiwi's Avatar
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    Hey Heartremedy,

    Firstly, take some comfort in being self-aware enough to recognise you are not ready to date just yet, and that your crush is not really helping you move forward. I can relate to your post; like you, I tend to crush and I understand how it can actually be an obstacle to working on yourself.

    My advice would be to focus on your workout, even push up the intensity, give yourself no time to socialise at the gym. You can exchange a friendly "hi" in passing, but otherwise redirect your energy into your exercises. You are at the gym, so should be no issue with not communicating seeming hostile/passive aggressive if you are focussing on what you are doing. Then move on with your day.

    You obviously got her number at some point. I'm not sure how far down the rabbit hole you've gone with communicating outside the gym, but I would just limit your responses. Don't be rude, but just remember your main focus is moving forward for yourself. Don't initiate, and give simple answers to any questions. If you truly don't want to pursue anything with this girl, then she will pick up on you not being interested.

    The real question, as others have pointed out, is do you really want to move on from this crush? If so, you probably have to move toward a no-contact type situation (by just ratcheting down contact and communication to zero over time). I understand you want to continue to be friendly, but I'll be honest, in my experience, it is nigh impossible to maintain a pure friendship with a crush. In your current, freshly single state, I would recommend putting a pretty solid barrier up in this situation.

    Just my 2 cents,

    T

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    Originally Posted by WaywardKiwi
    Hey Heartremedy,

    Firstly, take some comfort in being self-aware enough to recognise you are not ready to date just yet, and that your crush is not really helping you move forward. I can relate to your post; like you, I tend to crush and I understand how it can actually be an obstacle to working on yourself.

    My advice would be to focus on your workout, even push up the intensity, give yourself no time to socialise at the gym. You can exchange a friendly "hi" in passing, but otherwise redirect your energy into your exercises. You are at the gym, so should be no issue with not communicating seeming hostile/passive aggressive if you are focussing on what you are doing. Then move on with your day.

    You obviously got her number at some point. I'm not sure how far down the rabbit hole you've gone with communicating outside the gym, but I would just limit your responses. Don't be rude, but just remember your main focus is moving forward for yourself. Don't initiate, and give simple answers to any questions. If you truly don't want to pursue anything with this girl, then she will pick up on you not being interested.

    The real question, as others have pointed out, is do you really want to move on from this crush? If so, you probably have to move toward a no-contact type situation (by just ratcheting down contact and communication to zero over time). I understand you want to continue to be friendly, but I'll be honest, in my experience, it is nigh impossible to maintain a pure friendship with a crush. In your current, freshly single state, I would recommend putting a pretty solid barrier up in this situation.

    Just my 2 cents,

    T
    Hi thank you so much.

    We've DMed each other alot. They were almost always initiated by her. I would always be the one to end the conversation and she would initiate again. One day however she stopped initiating and we haven't DMed each other ever since.

    Do I want to move on? Yes. I think she likes me only as a friend and honestly we are not very compatible. However my heart tells me otherwise, you know the weird feeling you get when they are around you? But I want to ignore that and move on.

    Thank you so much. I will take your advice and limit communication. This is so hard on me though :(

  7. #6
    Bronze Member WaywardKiwi's Avatar
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    Hey again,

    I know the feeling all too well lol but it does get easier, and honestly it kinda feels good to make that decision to put yourself first. You can do it! Best of luck!

    T

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    Texting her is a terrible idea. Don't do it. It will make you look weak & socially awkward. If she was into, that will certainly turn her off.

    Why is it that you think you are not yet ready to date again? I know it's only been 1 month since you broke up with your GF but healing is not measured on a calendar. You are clearly healed enough to have this crush. Instead you need to stop being afraid & just ask this girl at the gym to go on a date. Make it something low key & physical if you like: take a hike, play mini golf, etc. Just go slow emotionally & physically with her to gage your own reaction.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HeartRemedy
    Hi thank you so much.

    We've DMed each other alot. They were almost always initiated by her. I would always be the one to end the conversation and she would initiate again. One day however she stopped initiating and we haven't DMed each other ever since.

    Do I want to move on? Yes. I think she likes me only as a friend and honestly we are not very compatible. However my heart tells me otherwise, you know the weird feeling you get when they are around you? But I want to ignore that and move on.

    Thank you so much. I will take your advice and limit communication. This is so hard on me though :(
    Dude seriously? So you have this girl that has been receptive, initiating, but you buckle at the knees and give up. Why are you making the decision for her? Why don't you let her by simply asking her out? You know how many threads I have seen from women who are upset and confused about a guy that shows them interest but never asks them out? tons of them. You know why she stopped initiating? because she's done enough, and you didn't make a move so she's given up on you. You can't keep going through life like this. Rejection is part of life, but the risk can produce great reward....a yes to a date! how exciting that would be no?

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    Originally Posted by TeeDee
    Texting her is a terrible idea. Don't do it. It will make you look weak & socially awkward. If she was into, that will certainly turn her off.

    Why is it that you think you are not yet ready to date again? I know it's only been 1 month since you broke up with your GF but healing is not measured on a calendar. You are clearly healed enough to have this crush. Instead you need to stop being afraid & just ask this girl at the gym to go on a date. Make it something low key & physical if you like: take a hike, play mini golf, etc. Just go slow emotionally & physically with her to gage your own reaction.
    Well one reason I think she only likes me as a friend

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Dude seriously? So you have this girl that has been receptive, initiating, but you buckle at the knees and give up. Why are you making the decision for her? Why don't you let her by simply asking her out? You know how many threads I have seen from women who are upset and confused about a guy that shows them interest but never asks them out? tons of them. You know why she stopped initiating? because she's done enough, and you didn't make a move so she's given up on you. You can't keep going through life like this. Rejection is part of life, but the risk can produce great reward....a yes to a date! how exciting that would be no?
    Well what if she initiated just to be friends. I don't want to take it as a hint that she likes me and come off as a creep by asking her out.

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