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Thread: Why would he lie?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
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    Why would he lie?

    Hi everyone! I just wanted to pop on here for some advice, I normally see an answer to a question right in front of me but this has escaped me.

    I have a good relationship with my ex boyfriend, we speak every few months, sometimes bump into each other and we are comfortable enough to message if needed, without it being weird or awkward.

    I found out about a week ago through the grapevine that he was no longer with his girlfriend. I checked social media out of curiosity (I know boo me) and it seemed to be right. He began a relationship with her about a year after we split up, his first and only relationship since me.

    I needed to ask a favour of him and we hadn’t spoken in about 6 weeks, so I messaged him. Perfectly nice chat, I asked how he was etc thinking he would tell me they’d split as we’ve had discussions about his relationship before. He didn’t say anything so me being nosey as ever, asked how they were. He said ‘we’re fine’ and the conversation stopped dead. Ordinarily I’d think oh well the rumours mustn’t be true but I saw his single status on his FB. I just wonder why he wouldn’t tell me that they had split up? I know there’s going to be an element of judgement over my actions here but I’m genuinely curious, I had an idea of what to say as advice in my head & didn’t expect him to not tell me..

  2. #2
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    He was likely not the dumper and is not ready to talk about it. Or, he might still be hoping for reconciliation and doesn't want to acknowledge that it's really over.

    In any case, this is where you need to learn better boundaries. It's really not your place to ask about his private life. Let his silence on the topic be your clue that he doesn't really want to talk about these things with you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Ummmm it might have something to do with the fact you or him messaging each other. She found out about it, got suspicious and dumped him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He's an ex so his love life is none of your business and he knows that. Also stop tracking him. Perhaps he didn't want to mention it because he senses you want to get back together...and he obviously does not. Step way back from this and start dating new guys.

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  6. #5
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    Agree with the others. And things can change overnight. Maybe they spoke earlier that day about reconciliation. It's none of your business. I remember getting a call from a friend years ago asking (kinda rudely) if she could introduce my ex to a single friend of hers. I told her we'd started seeing each other again so please not to do so.

    Also "we're fine" doesn't technically mean they're a couple -it's one of those bland responses that can mean lots of things. And that's why he said "fine" -to avoid the prying questions.

  7. #6
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    While you may have a cordial relationship it does seem a tad too close for EXs. My opinion notwithstanding he probably didn't want you, his EX, to know that another romance of his ended. He was trying to preserve his dignity. He didn't really lie IMO, at least not in fundamentally untrustworthy way. "We're fine" could mean that we're fine not that we are apart.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Not a lie, exactly. Two people can be 'fine' regardless of where they stand with one another. He may've unfinished business with her, and so it sounds like he's taking a tactful way of establishing that it's none of your business. Aside from most people not being particularly proud of their breakups, this guy doesn't want to encourage you to ramp up your interest in him.


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