This is helping me so much!
Speaking of validation from friends, she obviously also needed it from her family. I went to visit them in another city about 4 months into the relationship and I heard her older sister whispering about marriage to my ex. Another red flag I ignored...
No you don't. You don't even really know this girl. You dated for six months and in that very short period of time you found out that the two of you are not a good match emotionally. You found out that she is far more immature than you are and you acknowledged some very red flags (finally).but I still think about her every day and want her back.
Stop hoping you get back with someone you are fundamentally incompatible with so you can wipe clean your head and heart of her so both will be free to see the beauty in another woman that is actually who you were meant to spend your life with (she is not that person).
When you find your LIFEmate, don't rush in and move in with someone when you are still in the early stages... when you don't even know who you are moving in with.
You'r lucky it's over now stop wishing your life away and leave her in the past where she belongs.
She wanted to showboat you and this house you were apparently going to buy together to her best friend. That's all that was; a stunt to fluff up her ego and soothe her insecurity.
And it was an incredibly short-sighted move on her part. 6 months is far too soon to be talking about buying property together, but given that she was telling you that you were her soulmate after just 1 month, I'm not surprised she attempted to zoom through the usual courtship stages. Her attempt to fast-track the relationship suggests some deeper insecurity in her, a compulsion to fill some sort of void, so it really shouldn't be too shocking that she's already moved on. I would wager she is the type that cannot handle staying single very long.
The best step for you to take now is to ask yourself why you didn't heed the red flags earlier. You will need to better understand your own thought process there to avoid similar situations in the future.
What's missing in your life that made you choose to ignore red flags?
Just to clarify, she was going to buy the property by herself and then I would eventually move in and pay monthly so my name would not be on any papers. We both have great jobs so it's not a money issue. She was interested in buying a house for herself before she had met me but used our relationship as an excuse to fast-track the process I think.
I do think there are some voids in her life. Her father was not a good father at all so she probably grew up with all kinds of insecurities and views about how men should be. None of us have a perfect upbringing so I don't say that to make her look bad. Just calling it what it is. Ironically her last relationship lasted only 8 months and she said it was the longest relationship she had ever been in vs. me having been in a 5-year relationship and knowing how to take things slow. She did say that she wants to have a family so I'm sure she is out there trying to wrangle some guy into her fantasy right now. It hurts to think about because I want the same thing, just not on that timeline.
It's crazy to think how she has left such an impact on me post-relationship. I definitely was learning more about who she actually was as time went on so apparently I was in a state of denial. I think I looked past the red flags because I just moved to this city and didn't really have a group of friends (I do now) and she was love-bombing me and it was addicting for me to receive that kind of attention. I guess I had been lonely for a while. I'm also not sure why I'm beating myself up so bad about this and blaming 100% of the failure of this relationship on me.
Everyone's feedback is taking a weight off my shoulders and I really appreciate it!
How long were you single before you met this most recent ex, OP?
Sorry to hear this. Are you sure you're over the past relationship? This has all the earmarks of a rebound. Too much too soon, etc.Originally Posted by HHtpa
It's been 5 years since that relationship. I dated her when I was in high school and college. I was 18-23 and I just turned 28 a few weeks ago.
I believe my ex said that the time between her last relationship and when we met was 8 months if I remember correctly.
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