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Thread: So confused. Outside perspective appreciated.

  1. #21
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    TBH after reading through this thread...I don't think this has anything to do with her medical issues or lack of intimacy. You have made it clear to her you are ok with it, working through it with her, and why would she give up on someone that loves her just for who she is? disease and all? She's not telling you the truth.

  2. #22

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    Hi again Holly,

    Did you have the same issue with sex then? Was it the hysterectomy that changed things, or?

    Thanks

  3. #23
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    I realize you have been together for a long time but you need to give some thought to the idea that this relationship has run it's course.

    She can't have penetrative sex. She perceived that you had grown tired of other kinds of sex when you declined her offers to help you out. If you are honest with yourself you have to admit that as gracious & understanding as you have been, you would like real sex. That is a natural human desire. It's not your fault but she probably feels "less than" so she has walked away.

  4. #24
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    Based on what you stated, I believe that this relationship is over. Whatever the reason is, intimacy issues or just plain incompatibility- I think that she is done. I believe that she wants to part ways with no bad feelings, but it was a bit misleading for her to spend the day with you, giving you false hope of a reconciliation when she was just enjoying your company as a platonic friend, and adding a clause of "dont get your hopes up." Not cool.

    As far as the breakup, she had to have been pondering this for quite some time. We usually check out mentally and emotionally before leaving for good. It seems like there would've been warning signs from her that she wasnt happy. I told my ex that he would miss me after I was gone, several times before i actually left. Sounds like the breakup caught you off guard-- i know for a fact that my ex didnt see it coming- even though I warned him for 2 years that he wouldn't see it coming when I did leave. And he didnt.

    I ran into this ex 6 months ago. I only viewed him as an ex, but he was still interested in sex and Intimacy. So I stay away completely now, so as to not lead him on. And your ex needs to stay away too.

    I said all that to say that I'm sorry that you're still hurting from her departure. This is really for the best because you both can find someone else that you're more compatible with. She needs to leave you alone so that you can process the breakup, heal and move forward. If she continues to come around, she probably still cares for you but its selfish of her because she cant have it both ways. She cant dump you, then remain "friends." She cant keep coming around so that you cant meet someone else either. And if she doesnt leave you alone, YOU need to cut contact for your own healing.

    Please understand that some women can come around their exes for an ego boost, for attention, or just because they know he still cares- and they know they will never return to the relationship that you still want with them. Not saying your ex would do this- just explaining why you need to eliminate all contact with her if she doesnt want to reconcile. She left you, so she needs to miss you and feel your absence. She needs to know that you are out there free to date other women. This will either make her realize she made a mistake and she will seek you out or she will realize that she's happier without you, and okay with you seeing other women and she will keep it moving.

    This too shall pass, and then you will one day meet someone who may become the next love of your life.
    Last edited by smJackson; 09-02-2019 at 10:33 AM.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Be grateful she's being honest. After five years and especially living together you both know the players and the game, so this was a long time coming. She wanted a commitment, marriage and family. You didn't. It wasn't working. Don't pity anyone you date or try to play doctor. Never try to fix anyone, particularly for your own reasons. Not your job. If her medical issues got in your way be grateful it's over. Focus on the move out logistics.
    Originally Posted by OooEee

    She messaged today saying if I wanted us to extend the rent on the flat by a month for practical reasons then that would be no issue, but that I shouldn't do it in the hope that things will change between us.

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