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Thread: Is my girlfiriend losing interest in me?

  1. #1

    Is my girlfiriend losing interest in me?

    Both me and my girlfriend just started our first year in college. We have been dating for over a year now, and I can comfortably say that this has been the best year of my life. We consistently talked about the future and when we would move in together and thing like that. Then college came around. I started a week before her, but during that week, she had band camp because she is part of her schools marching band. During that week we would talk consistently every night on our phone or skype and we would text pretty regularly. That Friday before her first day of school she was finally making some friends. She was really worried bout that but I was happy for her now that she was having fun. Then she went to a pretty serious party and got so drunk she started throwing up and had to have someone care for her the entire night. I kept telling her that it is a really bad idea and she kept blowing me off.

    Then as the week went on she began to respond to me less and less. then she just stopped calling me all together and barely texting me at all. I would always be the one that has to text her but it would take her hours to respond. She keep spending hours upon hours with her new band friends, going out to eat with them till 1 in the morning (which is really worrying me but she keeps telling me to stop worrying and calling me a creep for worrying so much). She spends a lot of time at her bands fraternity house and ignoring me more and more. She will talk to her friends upwards of 8 hours a day, but im lucky if I get 15 minutes of her time a day.


    Then the weekend came. I told her how I was going to come up every weekend before college started even though its a 4 hour drive, because she couldn't come down at all to visit me. Then before weekend came she was trying to tell me to stay home, and not come up because she was going to be to busy this weekend. I convinced her to let me come up so I did and that Friday night I got to her dorm around 9 and we spent the night together.


    We had a pretty long talk and she explained to me what she was thinking. I told her that I was going to come up every weekend to see her, but maybe stay at my college if I have to but for the most part go to visit her. Then she began to tell me no. She said I should only come up once a month because she wanted to enjoy the college life by herself. I didn't understand. I was only taking 2 days a week out of her time, she already spent way more time with her friends than she did me, but she still wants me to only come up once a month. She kept telling me I need to live my own life and find myself, but that its unhealthy to only think about her.

    She spends so much time with her friends and barely anytime with me. I feel likes its unfair. I treat her very well. I spoil her with gifts, I pay for everything for her, but now she has just ditched me. She told me we can try and work things out and she still loves me but IDK what I just went through. I suggested maybe letting me into her new life, maybe I go to some of her band parties with her or things like that, but idk well just have to see.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your girlfriend is too busy partying, getting drunk, vomiting and who knows what else at the fraternity house!

    Don't bother making the 4 hour drive. In fact, cut it off with her completely. She's enjoying her new social life. LDRs generally never succeed for obvious reasons and you're out of sight, out of mind as far as she's concerned.

    Don't waste anymore time, energy and gas on this woman. She's letting you know that you're fading out of her life. Take the hint and get the message already.

    Be with a local girlfriend which is more practical in the long run.

  3. #3
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    I'm sorry, but it is time to move on. She is totally disrespecting you, and does not sound like she wants to be with you anymore. I think you need to end things, now. Her actions are very clear.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this, She has a point that you need to enjoy your own college life and not revolve your life around her. Don't smother her or buy her gifts, or be clingy. It gets unattractive.
    Originally Posted by ringtail422
    She said I should only come up once a month because she wanted to enjoy the college life by herself..
    She kept telling me I need to live my own life and find myself, but that its unhealthy to only think about her.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Your pushy behaviour has turned her off. Take a moment to think over it for a couple of days and don't push the issue. She's expressing her needs and desires in a relationship and what she's saying is that she would like to develop friendships and interests that are not always related to you or the relationship. It doesn't mean she loves you any less but this misunderstanding has put a strain on your otherwise close bond. At this young age, you both should be developing yourselves. There should be a lot of development. Lack of development will show in your character later on. Work on you. Don't be so hard up for her time and respect yourself too. It's confusing now but things will fall into place.

    I'd focus on nurturing respect for each others' wishes, keep those communication lines open and learn to also respect each others' space and desire to pursue interests outside of what you do together as a couple. You do not have to spend every weekend together in order to prove what a great couple you are. Take it as a test, see where this goes.

  7. #6
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    I agree that insisting you are going to drive up to her every weekend is being a bit pushy. However, when you consider how her communication with you has drastically waned, her behaviour has changed and she's making excuses not to see you... she's being gutless by not just straight out telling you she wants to enjoy the single life while she's at college and doesn't want to be in a relationship now, especially not a long distance one that involves you making all the effort. She is being very disrespectful, so you need to make the decision yourself to leave her to it and find someone who lives locally. Please don't waste any more of your time, energy or money on someone who no longer wants any of it.

  8. #7
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    Yours is another high school romance that is not surviving the transition to college. Sorry.


    Throw yourself into your own school & your own activities.

  9. #8
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    She is checking out of the relationship, OP.

    Sorry, as I know it's painful. But this has run its course for her. I agree that trying to see her every weekend is too much but that isn't what caused the problem. She's out on her own for the first time and meeting new people, having new experiences. All of the excitement is irresistible to her and trumps the life she knew with you as highschoolers. This relationship wasn't likely to make it, as many highschool relationships don't. I don't mean to downplay what you two had; it's part of growing up and moving on, though.

    You two could give it a try, but i have a feeling you're really going to struggle with the boundaries she has set and feel more and more excluded. Be prepared to walk away if you and she cannot find a compromise.

  10. #9
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    Yeah to echo what others have said. Stop making your life revolve around her. If your relationship had any chance of surviving, it is probably too late already when you put her on a pedestal and became the only one actively working to make your relationship work. Once a relationship between two people is completely unbalanced, it is doomed. You are coming off way too needy and clingy, which is especially unattractive on a guy.

    Sorry to be harsh, but it is the honest truth. Cut your losses with this girl, just be grateful and happy for the experience you had with her, take confidence from the fact that your relationship proves that you are an attractive human being, go out there and find somebody new when you have got over that girl.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You've been acting like her dad, and girls don't want to date dad. And wow, you have to talk her into letting you come up on the weekend? How are you even enjoying yourself when she hadn't said, "OMG, I'm so excited you're going to visit."

    Do you have guy friends you spend time with? Do you have a hobby/interest/sport you're involved in? If not, like she says, get a life. You're smothering and controlling.

    You clearly see when you're a priority or not. You clearly see when a girl is not matching you in the effort it takes to maintain a relationship. What you're not seeing is that demanding her attention by imposing your presence on her when she hasn't requested it is basically stalking. Why would you want to stay in a relationship where you make all the effort?

    Learn that it's okay to let go when a girl doesn't match you in relationship effort. You will survive and move on. Also know that your efforts at the moment are over the top. You're in college. You will need a great amount of those weekends for studying.

    Maybe she hasn't broken up because she's cowardly and hopes her inattention to you will finally take its toll on you, and you will do the deed. Maybe she likes all the gifts and you paying for everything, and will string you along for the merchandise. You're in the driver's seat so if you don't like her lack of effort, then tell her the relationship is no longer working for you so it's best to end things.

    The demise is probably a combination of things. You being overbearing. She, not serious enough to maintain a LDR. Also, your youthful ages. Many want a lot more dating experiences before settling down.

    For now, concentrate on your studies and having fun at college. I know I loved my college years and joined the ski club, and went to lots of fun parties. Take care.


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