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Thread: Do again a traumatic sex act

  1. #1
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    Do again a traumatic sex act

    Hello everyone,

    Two years ago I wen through a traumatic relationship, he was my first man but he wanted only sex.

    In particular, there was a sexual act which he did without asking and at that time I didn't mind (I know it sounds stupid but that's how it was) but now I see it as something that somehow dirt me, if it makes sense.

    I feel like I should ask for my boyfriend to do that, that somehow I would feel better that the other wasn't the only one who has done that to me. And I know that my boyfriend would see like something that I want to try and I know that with him I don't have to do it again if I don't like it.

    Should I forget all about it?

    Thanks,

    Mikaila

  2. #2

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    You should not be performing any sexual acts that you are not comfortable with. Period. If you don't want to do it again, don't. Forget all about it

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    So your previous boyfriend did something to you that has left a long-lasting traumatic effect on you and you are considering asking your current boyfriend to do the same thing? DON'T DO THAT. Instead book yourself in with a qualified therapist so you can talk through your feelings and prevent you being self-destructive.

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    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    So your previous boyfriend did something to you that has left a long-lasting traumatic effect on you and you are considering asking your current boyfriend to do the same thing? DON'T DO THAT. Instead book yourself in with a qualified therapist so you can talk through your feelings and prevent you being self-destructive.
    Thanks. I went over the trauma, I feel more like I want to do it with a person I love so that memory could disappear completely. I suppose it is all nonsensical.

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  6. #5
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    If this specific act traumatized you, I would think it is very risky to try it again with your current partner.

    The probability is high that it would not result in you associating this act with loving and positive feelings, but associating your partner with with the trauma and all the negativity surrounding it.

    I would instead explore other options that you are naturally curious about and would like to try, rather than forcing yourself to do something you already know makes you uncomfortable.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    If this specific act traumatized you, I would think it is very risky to try it again with your current partner.

    The probability is high that it would not result in you associating this act with loving and positive feelings, but associating your partner with with the trauma and all the negativity surrounding it.

    I would instead explore other options that you are naturally curious about and would like to try, rather than forcing yourself to do something you already know makes you uncomfortable.
    The thing is when I did it, it did not thraumatized me, I wasn't particularly keen on it but it was ok. It sounds crazy but it became something ugly only later when I realised that I was nothing for that guy. I want that "security" back, and I don't want anything I have done sexually to have it done lastly with him.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If it's "traumatic" don't do it. Unless you are somehow into "dirty" and "traumatic" for BDSM erotic purposes.
    Originally Posted by Mikaila
    there was a sexual act which he did without asking and at that time I didn't mind (I know it sounds stupid but that's how it was) but now I see it as something that somehow dirt me, if it makes sense.

    I feel like I should ask for my boyfriend to do that

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    A therapist will help you view this story in a different way. At the moment, you're giving the ex power in your life. Use a professional's skills to get rid of the dried up husk of emotional baggage that you allow to linger in your every day life.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree therapy could help you unpack and sort some of your sexual issues
    Originally Posted by Mikaila
    At 31 I had my first kiss. at the fifth date (when I got scared of what he was doing and I told him I was a virgin)

  11. #10
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    Get some therapy fir the abusive relationship.

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