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Thread: Bad memory=liar??

  1. #1

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    Bad memory=liar??

    Ok so Iím getting to know this guy weíve been knowing each other but have really gotten close over the past few months he admittedly said he has trust issues cool I can deal Iím honest, but he asked me about my past and opened up I have nothing to hide. He asked if I had a sex buddy situation which I had cool no problem but later he asked how many people I had been with since my divorce and for some reason I totally forgot to name this guy and I have no idea why bc clearly I had already told him about it so now he thinks Iím hiding stuff but literally I just forgot like my memory is crazy bad sometimes sooo I donít know what to do now bc I want to help build trust but I think itís just not going to work out

  2. #2
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    He should not be asking these things. This is not relevant to your relationship.

    "said he has trust issues" Why are you okay with this? He is already showing you that he will not trust you. You will have to prove yourself, over and over. Find someone who is more secure. His trust issues are a big red flag! In the future, run!

  3. #3

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    Soooo you think bc thereís trust issues on his part then I shouldnít even waste my time?? I mean should I just be like well since you have trust issues then I gotta move on or do I even need to have a conversation about it??

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    No, you just say you don't think it will work and move on. There's no productive conversation to be had confronting someone like this. Try not to relish in drama. Great for TV, not so much for real life.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by perfectsoul
    Soooo you think bc thereís trust issues on his part then I shouldnít even waste my time?? I mean should I just be like well since you have trust issues then I gotta move on or do I even need to have a conversation about it??
    Unless you want to continue to be accused of being a liar and of "hiding stuff".

    These kind of people will bring this up over and over and over and you'll feel like you have to continually apologize or "make up" for "lying".

    How exhausting!

    Tell him if he brings it up one more time you're walking. And mean it.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by perfectsoul
    Soooo you think bc thereís trust issues on his part then I shouldnít even waste my time?? I mean should I just be like well since you have trust issues then I gotta move on or do I even need to have a conversation about it??
    This is about him. You cannot win when someone does not trust you. You are only a couple of months in. You are not there to be his therapist and make him into a trusting individual. it does not work that way. You can already see he is testing you. Now, he s going to indefinitely punish you, because you forgot about that guy. Good grief, why would you sign up for that nonsense!

  8. #7

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    Iím in my 30s and it just seems like every guy I meet has some type of issue so I guess my struggle is which ones are just not worth my time and which ones are ones to work through?? Iím realistic and I know that no oneís perfect.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by perfectsoul
    Iím in my 30s and it just seems like every guy I meet has some type of issue so I guess my struggle is which ones are just not worth my time and which ones are ones to work through?? Iím realistic and I know that no oneís perfect.
    So it's time to explore why instead of walking away from "guys with issues", you choose to attach yourself to them. You find "issues" attractive for some reason. Why is that?

    And no one is perfect, that's true, but imperfections should be more like not being so good matching your shirt with your pants or forgetting to put the toilet seat down or not being good at math. Not interrogating someone and then using that interrogation as a form of punishment.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by perfectsoul
    Iím in my 30s and it just seems like every guy I meet has some type of issue so I guess my struggle is which ones are just not worth my time and which ones are ones to work through?? Iím realistic and I know that no oneís perfect.
    If this is true, then it is who you are attracted to. You are not reacting to big red flags, but trying to make it work. You need to reflect on who you are choosing, as you are the common denominator. There are a lot of great guys out there!

  11. #10
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    When struggling to determine which people are worth the effort & which are not, you have to assess the whole picture. What do you see & hear? How does the person act? What words are they using when they speak? Does the person take responsibility for their own short comings? Look at the objective & the subjective. What is your gut telling you?

    Here I am always suspect of adults who expect or offer too much detail about their prior sexual experiences. After a certain age most people have a past; someone without a sexual history that is telling too. For health reasons you have to be able to share generalizations -- I was married; I have never been with anybody HIV positive or an IV drug user etc. But the disclosure of names, activities, sizes, frequency, positions etc. is too much detail.

    He may have trust issues but that doesn't allow him to punish you for somebody else's bad behavior in his past.

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