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Thread: Really need some advice!

  1. #1
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    Really need some advice!

    Ok so I was dating this girl for about 5 months. We fell for each other pretty hard, but she always seemed to have a guard up. She would blame it on her ex and said that he hurt her so now she is guarded and she doesnít know why. We went through a little spurt of her not being sure if she wanted to be with me because she was scared, but we always still hung out and talked like we were together. I ended up getting locked up in March for something. She would come see me everyday and write me and talk to me on the phone. She told me that she wasnít scared anymore and that she loved me and now that I was gone she realized she wants me and wants to build a life when I get home. I had her iPad when I was home and one of my buddies took it from my apartment when I went away and she found out and got really upset. She told me she didnít want to be with me anymore and we didnít talk for a week. We then started talking again but she said she was confused and didnít know if she should be with me. She ended up getting a new boyfriend about 2 months into me being away. I was gone a total of 5 months. About a week before I came home she contacted me and told me she realized she needs to be single and she is breaking up with her boyfriend and wanted me in her life as friends. I played it cool with her. When I came home we started talking everyday with her telling me she loved me again that she missed me and she would call me by her pet name for me. We would make plans to meet up but she would get scared every time so we didnít. Understandable on her part. One day out of the blue she told me she doesnít want to talk anymore that itís not good and for me to leave her alone. She got pretty mean and even blocked me. I ended up hooking up with another girl. She ended up unblocking me and found out about the girl and told me she was upset that I did that even though it wasnít fair for her to be. She said she wishes I just waited for her, but how was I supposed to know? We have been talking everyday all day since and even met up twice. Once for dinner followed by hanging out in her car where we kissed and held each other and the other time for about 20 minutes in her car again doing the same thing. She tells me she is confused that she doesnít know what the right thing to do is. I seen that she was talking to this guy she used to date. Said he hit her up on her birthday which coincidentally was around when she told me to stop contacting her. I asked her about him and she swears that itís nothing, that maybe she was interested in getting back with him for a split second but sheís not now. She tells me to be patient with her while she makes sure she is ready to be with me. We are talking about getting into a ďloversĒ title. Not in an official relationship, but hooking up. She says things to me that make it seem like she really does want to be with me but just wants to make sure. She has reasons to have trust issues with me, I mean I up and left to go to jail out of the blue and the whole iPad thing. What do I do? Do I keep talking to her and being patient with her? Part of me feels like if I cut contact with her then she will realize she wants to be with me during that time, but part of me feels like I should continue with what we have right now. I just donít want to get strung along or played in the end.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I fail to see why she's mad at you for someone else taking her iPad when you were in jail. How's that your fault?

    This girl sounds like a real flake, she has no idea what she wants or who she wants to be with, she sounds so screwed up. I think you should find someone else who is not spinning in circles and has her feet on the ground.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Focus on your legal, financial and other issues. You're in no position to date. Focus on education, career, staying clean and abiding by the law. Make sure you have a place to live, a job and you're doing whatever it takes to improve your life. Stay out of jail.. And stay away from mixed up women.
    Originally Posted by nsteinard20
    I ended up getting locked up in March for something.

  4. #4
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    Lol what?! I have a job and my own place my own car and my own money! How does getting into trouble make me not capable of having a relationship?

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  6. #5
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    Let me rephrase that because I donít always get into trouble. How does getting into trouble one time make me not capable of a relationship lol

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're bad news and she's just manipulating you. No one wants to hang out with a guy who just got out of jail, misplaces an ipad and sleeps around. Even if you are "lovers", by association, she be just as bad as you and she's thinking of her own reputation. I'd say meet other women who aren't so skittish in the first place and work on cleaning up your act. Keep an eye on your things because your friends sound sketchy.

  8. #7
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    You have regained your freedom but something caused you to lose it in the 1st place. Even though you did your time, there will be ongoing ramifications connected to whatever happened. In some people's eyes, you are always going to be someone to be avoided. It doesn't sound like she feels this way but there may be somebody whispering those negative comments to her.

    In her shoes, even if I was able to get past whatever sent you to jail, I would have reservations about your friends since one helped himself to her I-pad. In essence your "buddy" stole her computer. Presumably you know who it is but that guy won't give it back or reimburse her. That makes him a bad guy. Since he's your friend, his "stink" rubs off on you. You also haven't offered to replace the device that went missing while in your possession. (Yes I know you were in jail when the friend took the I-pad but it was still in your apartment, hence your responsibility)

    Forgetting your past altogether, she is a bit of a mess. She doesn't seem to know her own mind. She wants you. She doesn't. She admits she doesn't know what she wants. She's scared. She's figured it all out. Heck, I'm not even sure she knows what the Q was. She went from you to some other guy, to single, to back with you . . . all in less than 6 months. Do you really need to take this yo-yo ride with her? She sounds like way more trouble then she's worth.

  9. #8
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    I have. I have since met up with her and given her money on numerous occasions because she was short on her rent. She talks about being with me and we talk like we are still together I just donít know if she is stringing me along or not. She knew about my legal past and that there was a possibility I would have to go to jail before we started dating in the first place so I donít think that plays anything to do with her acting how she does other than the fact she may now be scared that it could happen again. I just need advice on why she would be acting this way and if there is a possibility I can get her back or if she is stringing me along until she meets someone else

  10. #9
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    I love the girl I know she loves me and I want to get her back. What do I have to do to achieve that and is it possible?

  11. #10
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    It sounds like she's a taker. . . she will use men, any man, to pay her way & she will say what he needs to hear when she wants something. You can probably lure her back with money, trips, gifts etc but do you really want to buy a GF who will leave you as soon as a wealthier dude comes along?

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