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Ok so I was dating this girl for about 5 months. We fell for each other pretty hard, but she always seemed to have a guard up. She would blame it on her ex and said that he hurt her so now she is guarded and she doesn’t know why. We went through a little spurt of her not being sure if she wanted to be with me because she was scared, but we always still hung out and talked like we were together. I ended up getting locked up in March for something. She would come see me everyday and write me and talk to me on the phone. She told me that she wasn’t scared anymore and that she loved me and now that I was gone she realized she wants me and wants to build a life when I get home. I had her iPad when I was home and one of my buddies took it from my apartment when I went away and she found out and got really upset. She told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore and we didn’t talk for a week. We then started talking again but she said she was confused and didn’t know if she should be with me. She ended up getting a new boyfriend about 2 months into me being away. I was gone a total of 5 months. About a week before I came home she contacted me and told me she realized she needs to be single and she is breaking up with her boyfriend and wanted me in her life as friends. I played it cool with her. When I came home we started talking everyday with her telling me she loved me again that she missed me and she would call me by her pet name for me. We would make plans to meet up but she would get scared every time so we didn’t. Understandable on her part. One day out of the blue she told me she doesn’t want to talk anymore that it’s not good and for me to leave her alone. She got pretty mean and even blocked me. I ended up hooking up with another girl. She ended up unblocking me and found out about the girl and told me she was upset that I did that even though it wasn’t fair for her to be. She said she wishes I just waited for her, but how was I supposed to know? We have been talking everyday all day since and even met up twice. Once for dinner followed by hanging out in her car where we kissed and held each other and the other time for about 20 minutes in her car again doing the same thing. She tells me she is confused that she doesn’t know what the right thing to do is. I seen that she was talking to this guy she used to date. Said he hit her up on her birthday which coincidentally was around when she told me to stop contacting her. I asked her about him and she swears that it’s nothing, that maybe she was interested in getting back with him for a split second but she’s not now. She tells me to be patient with her while she makes sure she is ready to be with me. We are talking about getting into a “lovers” title. Not in an official relationship, but hooking up. She says things to me that make it seem like she really does want to be with me but just wants to make sure. She has reasons to have trust issues with me, I mean I up and left to go to jail out of the blue and the whole iPad thing. What do I do? Do I keep talking to her and being patient with her? Part of me feels like if I cut contact with her then she will realize she wants to be with me during that time, but part of me feels like I should continue with what we have right now. I just don’t want to get strung along or played in the end.

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I fail to see why she's mad at you for someone else taking her iPad when you were in jail. How's that your fault?

 

This girl sounds like a real flake, she has no idea what she wants or who she wants to be with, she sounds so screwed up. I think you should find someone else who is not spinning in circles and has her feet on the ground.

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Focus on your legal, financial and other issues. You're in no position to date. Focus on education, career, staying clean and abiding by the law. Make sure you have a place to live, a job and you're doing whatever it takes to improve your life. Stay out of jail.. And stay away from mixed up women.

I ended up getting locked up in March for something.
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You're bad news and she's just manipulating you. No one wants to hang out with a guy who just got out of jail, misplaces an ipad and sleeps around. Even if you are "lovers", by association, she be just as bad as you and she's thinking of her own reputation. I'd say meet other women who aren't so skittish in the first place and work on cleaning up your act. Keep an eye on your things because your friends sound sketchy.

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You have regained your freedom but something caused you to lose it in the 1st place. Even though you did your time, there will be ongoing ramifications connected to whatever happened. In some people's eyes, you are always going to be someone to be avoided. It doesn't sound like she feels this way but there may be somebody whispering those negative comments to her.

 

In her shoes, even if I was able to get past whatever sent you to jail, I would have reservations about your friends since one helped himself to her I-pad. In essence your "buddy" stole her computer. Presumably you know who it is but that guy won't give it back or reimburse her. That makes him a bad guy. Since he's your friend, his "stink" rubs off on you. You also haven't offered to replace the device that went missing while in your possession. (Yes I know you were in jail when the friend took the I-pad but it was still in your apartment, hence your responsibility)

 

Forgetting your past altogether, she is a bit of a mess. She doesn't seem to know her own mind. She wants you. She doesn't. She admits she doesn't know what she wants. She's scared. She's figured it all out. Heck, I'm not even sure she knows what the Q was. She went from you to some other guy, to single, to back with you . . . all in less than 6 months. Do you really need to take this yo-yo ride with her? She sounds like way more trouble then she's worth.

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I have. I have since met up with her and given her money on numerous occasions because she was short on her rent. She talks about being with me and we talk like we are still together I just don’t know if she is stringing me along or not. She knew about my legal past and that there was a possibility I would have to go to jail before we started dating in the first place so I don’t think that plays anything to do with her acting how she does other than the fact she may now be scared that it could happen again. I just need advice on why she would be acting this way and if there is a possibility I can get her back or if she is stringing me along until she meets someone else

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It sounds like she's a taker. . . she will use men, any man, to pay her way & she will say what he needs to hear when she wants something. You can probably lure her back with money, trips, gifts etc but do you really want to buy a GF who will leave you as soon as a wealthier dude comes along?

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I think she is bouncing back and forth between you and whatever other guy she is seeing.

 

Is she reluctant because of your past? Quite possibly. But I have a feeling there's more to it than that. It seems to be me she's always been unsure about you, and she doesn't know her own mind well enough to simply make a decision and stick to it.

 

Agreeing to a title of "lovers" is silly and for teenagers, OP. What does that get you that's any different from your garden variety FWB? Ir doesn't do anything to move you towards your goal of actually being a couple. I'd wager it will do the opposite, actually. You'll be providing the things a boyfriend would, without any of the emotional commitment from her. Thus, she can still explore her options while having you on standby. Not a good plan.

 

It's her right to not want to commit to you, to be clear. However, I would stop the couple-y hangouts and physical affection if she doesn't want to move things forward. It will only leave that much more burned when she suddenly goes quiet and you find out she's seeing another guy.

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I agree. But for some reason I can’t leave her alone. When she hears that I’m talking to another girl or hanging out with someone she gets so jealous and that’s when she acts like she cares. And for the other person she deffinetly doesn’t care about money at all. I give it to her if she needs it because I don’t want her to stress but she never asks me for it and most of the time she doesn’t even want to take it I have to make her take it. She claims she is numb and there’s something wrong with her that she can’t seem to figure out. She has commitment issues. She swears on everything she loves that she isn’t seeing anyone else and I actually believe her on that lol usuallyim a skeptic but this time I actually believe there isn’t anyone else

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It’s not about the iPad. Getting it back would do nothing. She don’t care about that. It’s the fact that I hang out with people like that lol I’ve given her so much money since the iPad incident. She’s a goodie girl who wants to be with bad boys until it’s time to do bad boy things

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All kidding aside though..I know she loves me I know she wants to be with me but I also know she is scared. She is hot and cold. She is struggling with deciding what to do and I wish I knew what to do. I know progress is slowly being made because before she would barely talk to me let alone hang out with me and I’ve since gotten her to hang out with me twice

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It doesn’t matter now. Yesterday out of the blue as we were talking she told me she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore to leave her alone that she doesn’t love me. I don’t know what to do I’m so sad. She was just telling me how much she loves me and she’s just waiting to make sure she is completely ready so we can have a real relationship and then this

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It’s not about the iPad. Getting it back would do nothing. She don’t care about that. It’s the fact that I hang out with people like that lol I’ve given her so much money since the iPad incident. She’s a goodie girl who wants to be with bad boys until it’s time to do bad boy things

 

No, the reason you get the iPad back from the 'buddy' is not about manipulating the girl, it's because it's the right thing to do.

 

Passing off wrongs as no big deal won't exactly build trust in your character.

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You’re right but he’s not my buddy anymore and I can’t get it back from him so I try to do things for her like give her money if she needs it and pay for things for her. Whatever I can to make it up. But like I said it doesn’t matter now because she went cold on me again and is being mean again saying leave her alone now we will never be together etc. she switches up on me. Hot and cold hormone week cold the next. I just want to win her back so I need advice on what I can do what is my best option to get her to stop

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Like what can I do to get her to stop the cold behavior and want me back truely? There isn’t another guy I know that. I do smoother her a lot and talk about a relationship with her all the time and it makes her feel pressured and I come off as crazy desperate and needy but it’s hard I can’t help it. I love her so much I am ready to buy one of those get your ex back now ebooks that’s how bad I want this!

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Like what can I do to get her to stop the cold behavior and want me back truely? There isn’t another guy I know that. I do smoother her a lot and talk about a relationship with her all the time and it makes her feel pressured and I come off as crazy desperate and needy but it’s hard I can’t help it. I love her so much I am ready to buy one of those get your ex back now ebooks that’s how bad I want this!

 

Yeah, that's not how love works. Those "guides" are all filled with the same advice and won't help your cause. You can't make someone come back when they just don't want to. That's not in your hands. Your best bet? Step back. Way back. Stop giving her such ready access to you. Being needy and desperate and smothering will do nothing but drive her away; I promise you that. That's not to say she will have a change of heart if you back off. But it will help you preserve your sanity in any case. You're starting to lose the plot here.

 

You don't know there isn't another guy. You hope there isn't, but you don't know with certainty that there's nobody else on her radar. Not what you want to hear, I realize. However, you're giving too much attention to the story you're writing in your head (ie. We love each other so much! There's no other man, I swear!) and not enough to reality - if she loved you, she wouldn't be doing this hot-cold with you, and there's no telling who else she might be seeing or talking to.

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