Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: Why I am still single (as opposed to 'why am I still single')

  1. #1
    Silver Member Raize's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    On the Pale Blue Dot
    Age
    36
    Posts
    406
    Gender
    Male

    Why I am still single (as opposed to 'why am I still single')

    Some time ago, I basically decided that (being the flawed individual that I am), as much as I feel like I would like a special someone in my life, in reality I prefer solitude over the complexities of relationships in the real world.


    I've had relationship prospects over the years, and nothing ever came of any of those situations - Despite those instances when there was a mutual interest. With time, I have come to the increasing realisation that it was my own subconscious effort to self-sabotage any romantic prospects all along.


    Nowadays, I no longer attempt to look for a relationship, as I know that it was only ever a half-arsed attempt driven mostly by my biological instinct to want to get hitched, have children etc. Am I okay with this? Yes and no. Overall, I'm dealing with flying solo much better than beforehand, when I was being less honest with myself.
    Last edited by Raize; 08-30-2019 at 10:17 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,336
    Gender
    Female
    At the heart of it people are all very much the same. What is it about relationships that you find complex?

  3. #3
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    193
    Gender
    Female
    I'm sorry, I feel like we all deserve love.
    Someone who will love you, flaws and all.. but I can relate. Sometimes it's better to just deal with yourself than someone getting to know our insecurities, flaws, whatever it may be..

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Age
    29
    Posts
    15,347
    Gender
    Female
    I can relate. I've been single for almost 6 months now and I've been feeling better while single.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Age
    33
    Posts
    29
    Gender
    Female
    Honestly I'm in the same boat as you. I'm about to end a 3 year relationship so I can rebuild my self essentially. I'm unfortunately a serial monogamous lol but I'm now at a point where I really have no interest in dating or sex for that matter. I'm moving in with friends to help my financial situation and at the same time help myself. At least I won't be completely alone which will help. I just don't feel like trying to explain my past and my baggage to anyone.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,260
    Gender
    Female
    Sounds as though you're figuring out that there's no rush. In our teens and 20's we can get caught up in the momentum of everyone else's push to couple-up, but some people are capable of moving beyond that into a solo stability that actually feels GOOD.

    You aren't up against a bio-clock or any other pressures that aren't entirely manufactured. So figure out which of those pressures don't really belong to you, and then address any remaining ones until you have fully depressurized yourself on the issue.

    I'd avoid any attempt to solidify the issue by assigning proclamations to your future that include the words 'always' or 'never'. Instead, consider the idea of fluidity and leaving your mental and emotional doors open to exploration and optimism. This allows you to grow into your best self regardless of whether you organically stumble upon simpatico with an incredible match or whether you remain happily single during any given stage of life.

    I once noticed that I carried a useful perspective on coupledom when a friend and I saw an elderly couple cuddling on a park bench. She said, "Oh, I so envy them and their history together..." And I responded earnestly, "How do you know that they didn't just meet?"

    It's all good.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,428
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Sounds as though you're figuring out that there's no rush. In our teens and 20's we can get caught up in the momentum of everyone else's push to couple-up, but some people are capable of moving beyond that into a solo stability that actually feels GOOD.

    You aren't up against a bio-clock or any other pressures that aren't entirely manufactured. So figure out which of those pressures don't really belong to you, and then address any remaining ones until you have fully depressurized yourself on the issue.

    I'd avoid any attempt to solidify the issue by assigning proclamations to your future that include the words 'always' or 'never'. Instead, consider the idea of fluidity and leaving your mental and emotional doors open to exploration and optimism. This allows you to grow into your best self regardless of whether you organically stumble upon simpatico with an incredible match or whether you remain happily single during any given stage of life.

    I once noticed that I carried a useful perspective on coupledom when a friend and I saw an elderly couple cuddling on a park bench. She said, "Oh, I so envy them and their history together..." And I responded earnestly, "How do you know that they didn't just meet?"

    It's all good.
    I love the older couple story (which was true of my 80 year old uncle who found love again at that point after my Aunt passed away).

    I agree with not setting in stone and completely believe in there be a lot right with a person being honest with herself or himself and choosing not to be involved in a romantic relationship. But to me, only if it's for positive reasons and not if it's based on negative generalized assumptions or stereotypes about relationships.

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    California
    Posts
    7
    Gender
    Female
    I can relate. Iím now in my mid 40ís and have always held on to the thought that ďthe oneĒ is just around the corner. Iíve been telling myself this for over 10 years now. Perhaps weíre not supposed to set any expectations in stone but at the same time if in our heart we feel the situation should be different, why canít it work out for everyone? This is a rhetorical question. . Thereís a certain priceless freedom being single. But itís also quite nice when one gets to spend a moment in time on this Earth with someone who genuinely enjoys your company more than anything or anybody. Thanks for posting this. Itís helping me on this journey.

  10. #9
    Silver Member Raize's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    On the Pale Blue Dot
    Age
    36
    Posts
    406
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    At the heart of it people are all very much the same. What is it about relationships that you find complex?
    Good question. In a nutshell, I suppose that I'm referring to the complexities that stem from mutual expectations, disappointments , compromises etc. Of course, this is stuff which applies to many relationships in our lives, including the non-romantic ones.

    I suspect that I fall into the fearful-avoidant personality type, which I never really knew was a thing until recently. I used to think that I was 'love-shy', but really only some of the criteria of 'love-shyness' I can relate to, and the majority of it I can't relate to at all. When I look at the fearful-avoidant criteria however, I feel that I'm ticking nearly all the boxes.

  11. #10
    Silver Member Raize's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    On the Pale Blue Dot
    Age
    36
    Posts
    406
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by msgirl
    Honestly I'm in the same boat as you. I'm about to end a 3 year relationship so I can rebuild my self essentially. I'm unfortunately a serial monogamous lol but I'm now at a point where I really have no interest in dating or sex for that matter. I'm moving in with friends to help my financial situation and at the same time help myself. At least I won't be completely alone which will help. I just don't feel like trying to explain my past and my baggage to anyone.
    It's the perfect opportunity to focus on yourself, your independence and whatever your goals & interests are :-)

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •