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Thread: I Feel Like my New Boyfriend Will Grow Tired of Me.

  1. #1
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    I Feel Like my New Boyfriend Will Grow Tired of Me.

    What classifies a woman as a desirable, good partner?

    In my mind, here's my run down. Be a good cook (strong positive), clean for him, have things in common with him, be cool with his friends, understand him, listen, be his friend.. the list goes on.. but those are the main points that have been echoing in my mind.

    I am so afraid that my new boyfriend is going to grow tired of me. Right now, things are sweet because we've been dating for 2 months and we both agree that we are in the romanticized period where the rose colored glasses haven't fell off yet.

    So far, he has been amazing. He's thoughtful, funny and sweet. He's states that he intends on keeping me, and making it work with me. He says this because he's a religious man (I'm more spiritual, but they go hand and hand, depends on who you talk to.. that's a whole 'nother topic) and he usually have long monogamous relationships. My longest relationship lasted a year; his last relationship was 3 years.

    I know it's to early to tell, but I would really like for him to be the one. He has accepted me, more than most. He has real goals and aspirations, he's a quality person. I have never had a man to treat me like he does. I want this to go strong for years. LOVE is so bittersweet. It makes me happy to be around, and sad as well because of the possibility of having my heart in knots just for things to fall apart. I'm feeling exceptionally sad today because my love invited me out to dinner with him last night. I was not aware that I was going to meet him AND his friends. My heart instantly dropped in my stomach. My social anxiety is so intense, and I mentioned this to him once before, so it's not like he doesn't know. People who don't understand how social anxiety works, it's suffocating, it takes over your life and seizes your happiness. On the outside you're smiling but on the inside, you feel awkward, the alarms are going off, and you're constantly repeating the mantra to "just act normal, just be normal for once".

    The women at the table talked amongst each other even when I tried to contribute. It was just... odd. My BF even mentioned to me that I was "awkward" (he said this before dinner w his pals) and he finds that endearing.
    ... UNTIL I excused myself because of the suffocation I was feeling. I am spending the week at his house, so I rushed to his house and finished scrubbing the kitchen out of anxiety. He sensed my mood. I know it's not his problem, it's MY problem... I didn't go off on him or anything. I calmly expressed that I need a heads up when it comes to social situations. He retaliated with love and wanted to cuddle me.. but I was so down on myself, in such a mood. I wasn't mad at him, more upset with myself because I wish I was as charismatic as him, or the others. He told me that I "did great".. but that still wasn't enough to heal my criticizing self talk.

    The perfect partner wouldn't do that to him. We are only 2 months in, and I've been in such a funk since yesterday. He literally just wanted to include me in on a night out with friends, but fear took over. Just venting I guess...

  2. #2
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    You did not mention the need for intimate contact. Most men want that with their Gf.

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    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    You did not mention the need for intimate contact. Most men want that with their Gf.
    There is PLENTY of that lol

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    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Same guy..

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    Maybe you should stop expecting to be "perfect".

    You do know no one is, right? NO ONE. Not even this man who you were originally "meh" about and weren't attracted to but suddenly you've placed him on some pedestal.

    Why do you think you're undeserving or a lesser human than he is?

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    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Maybe you should stop expecting to be "perfect".

    You do know no one is, right? NO ONE. Not even this man who you were originally "meh" about and weren't attracted to but suddenly you've placed him on some pedestal.

    Why do you think you're undeserving or a lesser human than he is?

    He has a heartier childhood than me, with plenty of support from a strong family tree. He has experienced more things in his youth than me. He is well versed on many topics, I am not. He has friends that actually want to hang out with him, I am a loner. I feel out of place everywhere I go. I have a sister and brother who barely exists in my life. My brothers birthday came up, he did a birthday dinner with my sister.. I wasn't invited. My nieces graduation came up, my sister didn't invite me. I have done nothing to them. I can see if I was a toxic and bad relative but I have tried to strengthen relationships with them. His family visits him every month. I'm corny, he's witty and hilarious. I feel out of place anywhere I go. He's outgoing.

    I just think that he would be better off with some girl who knows how to cook a good meal and keep him intellectually pleased. Someone who can keep him laughing and smiling, Id like to be that girl.

  9. #8
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    None of that makes him better than you.

    I would warn you against self deprecating talk around him. Doing an Eeyore woe is me I don't deserve you routine will drive him away, not any of your imagined faults or lack.

    And please consider therapy to deal with your self loathing or you will not be able to have a healthy relationship.

  10. #9
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    OP, please seek therapy. These weekly threads about your self loathing is serious. We cannot help you feel better about yourself. Seek a professional that can get to the bottom of this.

    Are you taking anything for your anxiety?

  11. #10
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    No pills, I can handle things myself. I don't talk so bad about myself in public, but the anonymity of this website helps me vent things out. I save it from the people who know me... and talk to you guys.

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