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Thread: I Feel Like my New Boyfriend Will Grow Tired of Me.

  1. #31
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You are fulfilling two roles. With all the cleaning, cooking and care taking he (subconsciously) perceives you as mothering.
    And the other as a child - by you needing the reassurance and being fragile most of the time.

    By doing these things he switches from being a child to your mothering - and a parent to your need for hand holding.

    Neither of these will sustain an adult romantic relationship. It will likely ultimately turn him away.

    A healthy adult man will want an equally mature, stable woman by his side.
    He doesn't want to date his mother or his daughter.

  2. #32
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    Ill tell you a little story. When i was a little bit younger than you, I met my ex. I was down on myself a lot. He was attracted to that. You know why? Because he felt he could mold me into what he wanted and control me. if i always felt he or anyone else was just a little better than me, he could hold a carrot just out of my reach "if you would only do X you would be worthy" and he would always raise or change the bar just a little bit. Its one thing to be bummed from time to time, but its another to constantly wear your fears and poor self esteem on your sleeve.

    He already has your number. All he has to do is hint he will have no one to take care of him, and you rush to his house to clean it - maybe subsconciously you desire to secure your space, fit the bill of what he requires. Make a man date you early in a relationship. I am not saying make him spend money -- a man asking you out, planning a lovely walk along the tree lined streets to get an ice cream and take advantage of the free day at the museum, or to listen to music in the park, etc, are cheap and free things but it shows he wants to court you, rather than is looking to fill a classified ad for a mother or maid.

    So cut it out.

    Live with your mom for awhile until your situation changes or until you find a situation with a female roommate and go from there. You are not auditioning to be a live in house keeper

  3. #33
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    Therapy isn't just pills. It's someone who can unravel why you think the way you do, and identify what kind of support is best to begin unraveling some of the chains that life and you have put around yourself. My friend has been seeing a counselor for 2 years and it's been a great improvement. She has many anxieties like you do, and while the counselor recommended pills she decided to go ahead without them.

    It's still been helpful. Instead of just saying "stop being anxious" (which in your case is "just act normal"), she actually has specific things she can think about to focus her mind and calm her down. More effective than trying to cope on your own.

  4. #34
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    I do have a confession, when i started reading your posts, I thought you were a 58-64 year old woman who took good care of herself - was in good shape etc, and was getting a little desperate feeling her time was out to find a man. For several reasons: the always flirting or falling for men in the workplace, falling for a man who hints he needs a good woman after momma's gone, etc, or choosing men who are wanting to be taken care of like that and no 24-30 year old man would ever talk that way. I was shocked that you are 26. If you drop this guy and take a year off from dating or flirtations - turn ALL me down and don't chase anyone, you have TONS of time to find a man to settle down with and have babies with if that is what you so desire, but you will meet better men.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    I do have a confession, when i started reading your posts, I thought you were a 58-64 year old woman who took good care of herself - was in good shape etc, and was getting a little desperate feeling her time was out to find a man. For several reasons: the always flirting or falling for men in the workplace, falling for a man who hints he needs a good woman after momma's gone, etc, or choosing men who are wanting to be taken care of like that and no 24-30 year old man would ever talk that way. I was shocked that you are 26. If you drop this guy and take a year off from dating or flirtations - turn ALL me down and don't chase anyone, you have TONS of time to find a man to settle down with and have babies with if that is what you so desire, but you will meet better men.
    I thought the same abitbroken

  7. #36
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    [QUOTE=figureitout23;7160525]I thought the same abitbroken

    Glad to know i am not crazy.
    At 26, everyone is in the sweet spot of still being young and cute, but also being a grownup and having something to bring to the table as far as maturity. There is a wide range of 24-34 year old men that are appropriate to date and want to date you. I mean, obviously i mean the hypothetical you. So focus on getting whatever experience you need to further your career, don't clean a guy's house. A woman who is comfortable with herself, doesn't "have" to find a man is the one who finds a lot of quality men cross her path that are interested

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