Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 36

Thread: I Feel Like my New Boyfriend Will Grow Tired of Me.

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,880
    Gender
    Male
    Are you from a western culture? Where are you from where this is desirable?
    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    What classifies a woman as a desirable, good partner? In my mind, here's my run down. Be a good cook (strong positive), clean for him, have things in common with him, be cool with his friends, understand him, listen, be his friend.. the list goes on.. but those are the main points that have been echoing in my mind.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,392
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    No, nobody wants a maid, mommy or doormat. It doesn't get more unattractive than that.
    Agreed......

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,163
    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    No pills, I can handle things myself. I don't talk so bad about myself in public, but the anonymity of this website helps me vent things out. I save it from the people who know me... and talk to you guys.
    Not really, if you're doing things like this: "He retaliated with love and wanted to cuddle me.. but I was so down on myself, in such a mood. I wasn't mad at him, more upset with myself because I wish I was as charismatic as him, or the others. He told me that I "did great".. but that still wasn't enough to heal my criticizing self talk."

    And this: "I excused myself because of the suffocation I was feeling. I am spending the week at his house, so I rushed to his house and finished scrubbing the kitchen out of anxiety. He sensed my mood."

    He knows you're struggling a lot. He might not know the extent of it yet, but this sort of emotional roller coaster will wear a partner out. I don't mean to be unkind, but you're genuinely not handling your anxiety. What you're doing is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, which will drive him away and ultimately reaffirm the story you tell yourself about not being good enough.

    I would very seriously consider talking to a therapist and getting on a path of treatment. You two have only been dating two months and already your anxiety is causing issues. Whether or not the relationship lasts, you deserve to live a more relaxed life that you're not white-knuckling your way through.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,371
    Gender
    Female
    Ok... so it looks like you are still with him and took his offer for the place. Your worries are founded especially if the roof over your head (and your doggie's) is at stake. I'd play it cool, don't get too emotionally wrapped up in the romance and enjoy his company. Ignore the stuck up ladies at that get together. Smile, be polite and obliging and enjoy the food and music. I'd be gracious about it and let him know you appreciate him introducing you to his friends. Resist being self-absorbed and too worried about yourself. He invited you out. Yes, it was thoughtless in the way he might not have warned you about it beforehand or with more advance warning but roll with it. He doesn't think it's a big deal. Follow his lead and start learning how to swim in his waters if that's what you really want. You throwing a hissy fit or being upset about how scared you are is lame.

    Relax and enjoy the relationship. Go for a walk with the doggie and clear your head if you need to. Being a good partner to anyone comes from a deep-seated truth within yourself that you are first and foremost a good caretaker of your own needs and wants. Take care of yourself without drowning in yourself. Reassess, get in touch with your instincts, clear your head over a good sleep or a nice walk. The answers will come to you eventually.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,064
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Ok... so it looks like you are still with him and took his offer for the place. Your worries are founded especially if the roof over your head (and your doggie's) is at stake. I'd play it cool, don't get too emotionally wrapped up in the romance and enjoy his company. Ignore the stuck up ladies at that get together. Smile, be polite and obliging and enjoy the food and music. I'd be gracious about it and let him know you appreciate him introducing you to his friends. Resist being self-absorbed and too worried about yourself. He invited you out. Yes, it was thoughtless in the way he might not have warned you about it beforehand or with more advance warning but roll with it. He doesn't think it's a big deal. Follow his lead and start learning how to swim in his waters if that's what you really want. You throwing a hissy fit or being upset about how scared you are is lame.

    Relax and enjoy the relationship. Go for a walk with the doggie and clear your head if you need to. Being a good partner to anyone comes from a deep-seated truth within yourself that you are first and foremost a good caretaker of your own needs and wants. Take care of yourself without drowning in yourself. Reassess, get in touch with your instincts, clear your head over a good sleep or a nice walk. The answers will come to you eventually.
    She said this in her OP:
    "I am spending the week at his house,"
    so I presume she did not actually move in.

    OP, I still think therapy is a good consideration. If you are unable to stop this self-defeating thought process a professional can be of immense help.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,371
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    She said this in her OP:
    "I am spending the week at his house,"
    so I presume she did not actually move in.

    OP, I still think therapy is a good consideration. If you are unable to stop this self-defeating thought process a professional can be of immense help.
    Thanks for clarifying. Ignore the first two sentences and apply the rest of my post.

    She has limited finances and is not covered for health insurance(extended). Therapy may not be an option.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,447
    So I'm going to bold what Cheryln wrote so I can add to it and hopefully not be repetitive.

    Your boyfriend will never grow tired of you once you become a strong, self confident woman with high self esteem and security.

    Generally, men are not attracted to women who depend on them in order to feel whole and complete.


    Yes- and I'll add -the men who are worth your time and your heart.

    I can't speak for all men but my husband was attracted to me because I was financially strong, independent and could stand on my own two feet. I didn't need to depend on any man for my survival. This is the draw.

    It's not good enough to be able to cook and clean. You need to have your own life with career and strong financial independence which boosts your self esteem and confidence.


    I don't really cook (( can, i don't) and -surprise! -he still wanted me. I completely agree that having your own fun, fulfilling life like she wrote is sexy and a turn on -also - in a very good way keeps him on his toes -not in a game playing way! My husband's first question to me on our first lunch date about 24 years ago was why I'd chosen the career I had. He said later it was important for him to know that I hadn't just passively fallen into it but was passionate about it or at least interested.
    In social settings, don your social face, become outgoing, affable, amiable and the secret is to revolve the conversation away from you onto others! Put the spotlight on others. If you listen, let others have the floor and you're all ears and give them all the air space, you'll be their new best friend! People love nothing more than a good listener and they'll talk until they're blue in the face all night long if you let them. This is what I do in order to prevent any awkwardness or silences. I let it be all about them. People love to talk about THEMSELVES forever. So I ask a lot of questions, sound interested and I don't have to say nary a word about myself. This is the trick and by the time the evening is over, they'll realize they talked about themselves and not about you!


    Yes and it's also helpful if you can be the kind of person who is genuinely interested in other people. Yes, certain people love to talk about themselves and people who love to listen also love to talk about themselves if they feel the listener is actually interested in what they have to say and actually wants the person to talk about him or herself. Also you can ask about topics in common -one great topic I find is books (or music or theater) - I love finding out why a person liked a certain book we both read -often learn other perspectives, etc.


    In other instances if you develop an independent life of your own such as with your career, you automatically make yourself more attractive. People like the fact that you're very busy on the fast track.

    No man will ever grow tired of a woman who charges ahead with her own life. This has been my experience and what I've observed in general.


    Mine too.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,392
    Confused, I see that you are 26. I read that you wanted to start your own business, and you were saving up. What happened with that plan?

    Do you still smoke a lot of weed?

  10. #29
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,264
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    What classifies a woman as a desirable, good partner?

    In my mind, here's my run down. Be a good cook (strong positive), clean for him, ...
    Clean for him? Seriously?

    I can see cooking if you love to do it and love good food, so you're cooking as much for yourself as for anyone else, but cleaning FOR a BF puts you in housemaid territory. That will get you taken for granted faster than you imagine, because it's overcompensation.

    If you view yourself as disposable, then you sell the message that you ARE disposable--and then you enforce that message to yourself when it gets you disposed of.

    People who value themselves send the message that I AM valuable, and there's no need for selling that idea.

    Anybody can hire a house cleaner or clean for themselves. Don't do it for anyone else unless you negotiate an equal exchange for something of value to you. That negotiation needs to be an explicit trade, not an implicit one where you fantasize that your efforts make you invaluable to a guy.

    Mothering = smothering. Don't do it, or you'll buy yourself an unequal position that starts the ball rolling toward BF's search for equality with someone who values herself.

  11. 09-04-2019, 10:20 AM

  12. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,880
    Gender
    Male
    Lisa, lisa, lisa you know spam is nasty right?
    Originally Posted by lisamiller
    Read How I Make My Man throw up 🤮 www . unlocking your chastity belt 😮🐷 . com

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •