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Thread: I Feel Like my New Boyfriend Will Grow Tired of Me.

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    No pills, I can handle things myself. I don't talk so bad about myself in public, but the anonymity of this website helps me vent things out. I save it from the people who know me... and talk to you guys.
    As you have written, you are not handling things. We are not qualified and clearly it is not helping. Why will you not see a therapist?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    What did you decide as far as your living situation?
    In your other thread, you were thinking about maybe moving in to a room at his place...?
    It sounded like a stressful situation you were in, that's why I'm asking.

  3. #13
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    "He retaliated with love and wanted to cuddle me.. but I was so down on myself, in such a mood. I wasn't mad at him, more upset with myself because I wish I was as charismatic as him, or the others. He told me that I "did great".. but that still wasn't enough to heal my criticizing self talk. "

    Yeah, you are too showing him your insecurity and self loathing.

    If you truly want to be a good partner you will stop trying to "handle" it yourself and seek professional help.

    Someday he's going to get tired of propping you up. And if he leaves it won't be because he thinks you're not "good enough" for him, but because YOU don't.

  4. #14
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    It is exhausting to have to reassure someone, over and over. There is a big problem, here.

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  6. #15
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Holly has a point. If you go in to this self-pity tirade weekly on here, you are clearly not handling your issues. Did you moved in with him?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you need therapy and/or a life coach. You are far too down on yourself and it's incredibly unhealthy. You will push this guy away if you dont get yourself sorted out.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No, nobody wants a maid, mommy or doormat. It doesn't get more unattractive than that.
    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21

    In my mind, here's my run down. Be a good cook (strong positive), clean for him, have things in common with him, be cool with his friends, understand him, listen, be his friend.. the list goes on..

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your boyfriend will never grow tired of you once you become a strong, self confident woman with high self esteem and security.

    Generally, men are not attracted to women who depend on them in order to feel whole and complete.

    I can't speak for all men but my husband was attracted to me because I was financially strong, independent and could stand on my own two feet. I didn't need to depend on any man for my survival. This is the draw.

    It's not good enough to be able to cook and clean. You need to have your own life with career and strong financial independence which boosts your self esteem and confidence.

    In social settings, don your social face, become outgoing, affable, amiable and the secret is to revolve the conversation away from you onto others! Put the spotlight on others. If you listen, let others have the floor and you're all ears and give them all the air space, you'll be their new best friend! People love nothing more than a good listener and they'll talk until they're blue in the face all night long if you let them. This is what I do in order to prevent any awkwardness or silences. I let it be all about them. People love to talk about THEMSELVES forever. So I ask a lot of questions, sound interested and I don't have to say nary a word about myself. This is the trick and by the time the evening is over, they'll realize they talked about themselves and not about you!

    You're only 2 months in which is nothing. Give your boyfriend-girlfriend relationship a chance. Remain patient. Your relationship is still in its infancy.

    In other instances if you develop an independent life of your own such as with your career, you automatically make yourself more attractive. People like the fact that you're very busy on the fast track.

    No man will ever grow tired of a woman who charges ahead with her own life. This has been my experience and what I've observed in general.

  10. #19
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    Until you address certain issues in your life, you will struggle to maintain a healthy relationship.

    1. Improve your self esteem. Get some therapy if you have to. Until you love yourself nobody else will love you. The idea that you don't think you are good enough means you are not good enough. But this is fixable. You just have to find ways to like yourself. When you do, things will improve.

    2. Address your social anxiety. Yes it's suffocating but it can be addressed. Learn good breathing / relaxation techniques. Change your self talk; it's more then just saying "act normal". Normal is over-rated. Instead be yourself & recognize that most people are concerned about how they appear to others. Most people therefore are so consumed by how they are coming across that unless you are doing something over the top, they have no idea that you aren't the most social gracious person ever.

    3. Stop with the cleaning. You want to be a partner, not a servant. Although I'm a woman, in your BFs shoes I'd be freaked out & insulted that my new SO of 8 weeks fled into my house after a date & night out with friends to start cleaning it.

    The friends of his you met have known each other for a while. Groups tend to be clique-ish. As you spend more time with them, they should warm up.


    You can do this. Sociability is a learned skill. It's not something people are born with. It takes practice. You can do this.

  11. #20
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    This will crash and burn. Time to find yourself or die alone.

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